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Sex Blogger of the Month: Epiphora of HeyEpiphora.com

Published: APRIL 3, 2017 | Updated: FEBRUARY 2, 2022 04:40:10
Epiphora may just be the queen of sex toy prose, but she isn't above a good pun.

It's April! You know what that means. That's right - it's time for us to feature another awesome Sex Blogger. Each month, Kinkly staff puts in hours of work to bring our readers the best, the brightest, and the sexiest bloggers on the Internet. This month, we are featuring Epiphora of Hey Epiphora. She might just be the queen of sex toy prose, but she isn't above a great pun. Plus, while her reviews often leave us in stitches, it's clear that plenty of serious thought goes into her posts and recommendations. Check out her profile below - then go check out her site!


Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

Epiphora: Honest, snarky, entertaining.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

Epiphora: In 2007, I stumbled upon a call for reviewers on a sex toy retailer's site. I was in college and it was just a little hobby to get my mind off Chaucer. I've been writing all my life, and I've always been very opinionated. So it made sense that I loved reviewing. I also became obsessed with the world of sex toys. There was so much to learn, to explore. I was hooked.

A year later I launched my blog, and I've been rabidly collecting and reviewing sex toys ever since. Who knew that "sex blogger" could be a job title? Not me, but here we are! Now I've been reviewing for over 9 years and own almost 600 sex toys. Many loyal readers entrust their future orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly.

Sex Blogger of the Month: Epiphora of HeyEpiphora.com
A peek into Epiphora's sex toy storage closet - a collection of nearly 600 sex toys.

Kinkly: What's behind the name?

Epiphora: The name Epiphora began as a measure of anonymity. I browsed literary terms starting with E until I found one I liked. The literary definition of epiphora is "the repetition of the same words at the end of successive phrases." Only later did I learn that the word also means "the excessive production of tears" - someone once told me they thought I named myself Epiphora because my posts are so funny they'll make you cry.

Now, the name has evolved into a part of my identity, and many of my friends call me by it.

Kinkly: Who's your target reader?

Epiphora: Anyone interested in sex toys, anyone seeking the unfiltered truth about that toy they're considering buying, or anyone who simply wants to laugh at my tribulations. People who hate euphemisms and love sass. Weirdos, dorks, and cat people, probably.

Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?

Epiphora: Having done this for so long, I feel like I have a pretty good idea if toys will/won't work for people, and why. I have the perspective that comes from years of experience, I trust my gut, and I don't sugarcoat. I will, without hesitation, point out when a sex toy is completely worthless, and when I love something, I will walk across hot coals to tell readers all about it.

I'm absolutely meticulous about my writing; probably to my detriment some of the time. I spend hours and hours writing my reviews because structure and flow are very important to me. I will toil to come up with an interesting conclusion or a single apt simile. Ultimately, I want people to enjoy the experience of reading my posts.

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

Epiphora: The majority of my posts are sex toy reviews, and I make a point of only reviewing body-safe toys, because YOUR GENITALS DESERVE THE BEST. I also muse about the adult industry, chronicle my jack-off sessions, answer reader questions, publish an annual best/worst list, and post the occasional video. I get particularly riled up when the media falsely reports on something related to sex toys, so I go on a lot of tangents.


Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Epiphora: My most popular post of all time is How I Know Squirting Is Real (and Also Not Pee), which was inspired by a scientific study claiming that vaginal ejaculation is "essentially urine." Its findings contradict many vagina-owners, including myself, who have reported that the stuff they ejaculate does not look, smell, or taste like pee. I started a hashtag at the same time, #notpee, which really took off when my followers started reporting their experiences with squirting. The universe found out about it and it was discussed on all kinds of mainstream media outlets. Aside from that one, my most popular posts have been reviews of toys I love: the njoy Pure Wand, LELO Mona 2, Eroscillator, and LELO Ella (which just so happens to include the story of my first squirting experience).

Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Epiphora: Having a hand in normalizing sex toys and sex toy usage. Busting myths about sex toys (no, they're not going to numb you forever or make your boyfriend obsolete ... usually). Introducing people to all the glorious toys out there - and steering them away from all the terrible ones. I'm constantly amazed that people trust my opinion enough to buy or not buy a product based on it.

The fan mail is, of course, hugely heartwarming as well. I hear from readers all the time who are starting to expand their sexual horizons after reading my blog. That never gets old.

Of course, and the orgasms aren't bad either, except...

Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?


Epiphora: Shitty orgasms. When people whimsically tell me they wish they had my job, I think about the spiky dildo of death and the vibrator that gave me the worst orgasm of my life. I think about all the time I've spent positioning and re-positioning toys in a futile attempt to make them work for my body, chasing orgasms in the name of being thorough. I've had toys grab my pubic hair. I've endured painful electrostimulation. I often wonder, "Did humans even test this?"

Another downside is not being able to talk about my job without it becoming a thing. Every time someone asks what I do for a living, I have to weigh the pros and cons of telling them. Usually I do, and then I'm faced with a person who either refuses to acknowledge what I just said, or decides I'm a sex maniac and starts trying to bond with me by making awkward sex puns. Most people don't take my job seriously and would rather yell about how lucky I am to "masturbate for a living" than actually have a conversation with me about what I do. That can be frustrating.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Epiphora: It's a sex educator cliché, but it's a cliché because it's true: communicate. This is a tough one for a lot of people, me included, but it's the best route to a satisfying sex life. Be your own advocate and never feel selfish for tending to your own needs. Also, remember that sex can be playful! Explore. Giggle. Be silly. Have fun.

Oh, and get a lube dispenser.

Photo for Kinkly Staff
Kinkly Staff

Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.

No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex.