Hello, February! Winter is winding down, but in many places it's still pretty cold and dark outside. The good news is, we are featuring an awesome sex blogger, Dave from The Big Gay Review. As a reviewer of male toys, Dave is in a bit of an elite group to begin with, but what really sets his blog apart is the thorough analysis he puts into each and every toy. If you're looking to buy, this blog will definitely lay out everything you need to know to make a decision. And if pondering a new sex toy doesn't help thaw you out by spring time, we don't know what will. Here are Dave's answers to our questions.
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Dave: Bright, honest and fun
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Dave: I had been reviewing sex toys for UK retailer Lovehoney for a little while, and thought it might be fun to move some of the reviews I’ve written over to a blog and expand on them. I never thought it would stick. I’ve had many blogs in the past. I always start them with good intentions, but they always end up fizzling away. For some reason, this one took off and it stuck. On the plus side, it has helped out my relationship in so many ways. It’s only within the last 12 months that my partner confided in me that they are dealing with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Reviewing toys with me meant that we were able to be intimate without the full on pressure of sex. It’s allowed us to be more open and honest with each other, and we’ve both become more open minded and experimental. It really has been the best three years.
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Dave: I was always told to keep things simple. It’s called The Big Gay Review because I am a curvy queer fellow who happens to review sex toys. I really wish there was a profound story to go along with it, but sadly that is the tea.
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Dave: Big gays, naturally. But in all seriousness, at the time of starting the blog, I didn’t really have an audience in mind. But as we approach our third year, I’m discovering that I’ve had my writing seen by all sorts of people. So, who is my target reader? Anyone who wants to know more about sex toys! I do my best to be as inclusive as possible when writing; so, whether you are a complete newcomer to the world of sex toys, or someone who is more experienced looking for a new challenge – I hope everyone can find something of value to take away with them.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Dave: This is one of those questions that always throws me through a loop, because we are all our worst critic and honestly, when I see who else is out there, I struggle to think of a unique selling point. This may come off as big headed, so if it does, I’m sorry – but I guess I would be the unique thing about my blog? There is only one of me (thankfully) and I like to think that I’ve developed a style that is easy to read, informative, inspirational and at times, amusing. I have a very open, bubbly and friendly personality, and I want to normalize talking about sex toys, as they are nothing to be ashamed of.
But, I do hope that my tone and style of writing helps people feel at ease when they are looking at a review. I am one of those people who writes like they talk, so I try to almost write reviews like a conversation. Even as I write this now, I am sounding it out in my head, just to make sure that it flows in the same way it would if I was physically speaking the words.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Dave: Reviews, pretty much. There are so many awesome sexuality resources out there that I’m not overly certain how much new stuff I can bring to the table! Reviews were how I got into the blogging game, and will always be the focus of the blog. As and when the inspiration hits me, then I might write a piece of erotica or a guide/how-to.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Dave: My most popular post was the one I wrote about prostate massage. It was one of the very first guides I ever wrote, and it still sees thousands of views each month. At the time of writing it, prostate massage was "in." It was one of those subjects that was always a bit taboo because of sadly ill-informed opinions. There was a connotation that if you liked having your butt played with, then you were gay. Before I wrote the article, I had received several emails from guys who were telling me that they were straight but enjoyed using dildos or butt plugs, but they were doing so in secret from their partners because they were worried about what they would say.
I’m glad to see that now, we’ve become more open about talking about these sorts of things, and now I get emails from people saying that they’ve finally been able to tell their partner that they want to try pegging, or experimenting with prostate play… it makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something meaningful.
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Dave: Mainly the community. Of course, the ‘free’ products are a nice little perk, but really, it’s being able to talk about a wide range of subjects with the most open-minded and sex positive people. Not very many people know what I do in the "real world." It’s not that I’m ashamed or embarrassed about running a sex blog. It’s just I don’t want that to define who I am. It’s just something that I do, and I enjoy. Some people knit, I happen to enjoy talking about dildos and sex machines. It’s just a small part of who I am.
I’ve also learned so much; as they say – every day is a school day. I just hope that I can inspire, amuse and educate other people the same way this great community inspires and educates me.
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
David: I don’t always feel sexy! Or in the mood… and when you are supposed to be writing about sex toys, this can be one a major problem. There are times when stress can build up and get to you, and it means that the last thing I want to be doing is messing around with a dildo or a vibrator. Especially because I want to only give the best and most honest feedback, and I cannot do that if I’m not in the right mindset. There was also a brief point where blogging about sex toys took away the spontaneity in the bedroom. I mean, not everyone is the same, but we found that there was a period where we were only spending time together intimately because we had products that needed testing. It’s like we had almost forgotten to just take some time for ourselves. It was finding that balance between just having sex because it was fun, and "working" on a review.
It’s funny how you tend to take things like that for granted, but we realized that we still need to have time for ourselves, and things are much better for us now.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
David: Dirty talk. Don’t underestimate how great it can be when used properly. Don’t be shy. I used to absolutely cringe at the thought of talking dirty to my other half - all I could think of was cheesy porn dialogue. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Simple things like telling them what you want, how hard, how fast… and so on and so forth can be enough to get the sparks flying.
Most importantly, just general communication in the bedroom (and outside of the bedroom). Don’t be afraid to speak up and talk about the things you like or don’t like. Or what you want to try, or what they want to try. We personally find the best time to talk about anything like that is after a good session. As we spoon and cuddle on the bed, you’d be surprised how easy the conversation flows.
Also consent. Consent is sexy. Remember, you never have to do anything. Your body, your rules.