Sex Blogger of the Month: Anne Stagg

Ah December. The designated month for cozy holiday sweaters, spiked eggnog (or if you're at work, just normal eggnog) and the season of giving presents. And so, to follow tradition, we've got a present for all of you! Our December Sex Blogger of the Month is Anne Stagg of AnneStaggWrites.com!

Anne Stagg is the perfect sex blogger to celebrate the end of 2019! She started her blog this year and was a very welcome addition to our Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019. Anne Stagg was voted one of the Top New Sex Blogs of 2019, one of the Top LGTBQIA Blogs of 2019 AND one of the Top Erotica Blogs of 2019!

Check out these 10 inspiring and moving questions with Anne Stagg and learn why we're so excited to have her voice as part of the sex blogger community!

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

Anne Stagg: Oh, I've got this one: bold, sultry, words.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

Anne Stagg: AnneStaggWrites.com is an ongoing act of empowerment, for me as a queer (pansexual), disabled, woman (she/her), a kinkster, and a person who has been a sex worker.

And, hopefully, for my incredible readers.

What's the history of the blog? Settle in, it's a wild ride. Fifteen years ago, I was diagnosed with something called Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE, aka Lupus). Never being a person who gives up or gives in, I focused on my health and managed to build an incredible life. I was also at the beginning of a psychological recovery process at the time, healing from a history of physical and sexual abuse.

I met and married an incredible human being, went to graduate school, earned my Master's of Social Work and my independent licensure, and became a therapist.

Throughout my journey, writing was a constant companion. It's been a passion, an outlet for confronting painful life experiences, and a tool for learning about myself. I've had poetry and journal articles published in traditional venues and published my own work on sites like Archive of Our Own (you can check out my work there under the user name 3_Patch_Problem_Child).

In 2015, my SLE worsened, and by March of 2016, I was no longer able to work. Everything about my life changed. Nothing in my experience had prepared me for becoming physically disabled and losing the ability to do the work by which I had come to define myself. I went from working with U.S. veterans, contracting as a family therapist, doing two hours of yoga a day and making time to write a novel, to being unable to shower by myself.

My love saw the toll the changes took on me and encouraged me to write some smut. I'd had so much fun writing fan fiction, he inspired me to take it further and pen some porn of my own. That's how my ongoing erotic fantasy series "The Mound of Gaia" was born (it's available on Bellesa). I can't imagine being in the space I'm in now without the support of Jayne Renault, Bellesa's Smut Queen.

AnneStaggWrites.com was initially a venue to promote my erotica and add my voice to the erotica community. But, as I joined in discussions on social media and read the judgments my social work colleagues were making about the LGBTQ+ community, sex workers, porn, and kink, I found I had a hell of a lot to say.

So, I married my love of erotica and well-researched articles to create a space at the intersection of erotica, sexual wellness, and social justice.

Kinkly: What's behind the name?

Anne Stagg: Anne Stagg is a name I borrowed from an 18th-century relative when I began writing erotica. Having a nom de plume is something of a right-of-passage in the erotica community, and since I was in the process of re-inventing myself, I ran with the idea.

Kinkly: Who's your target reader?

Anne Stagg: I call my readers Unicorn Warriors. They're members of the LGBTQ+ community, kinksters, sex workers, and seekers who embrace the idea of a world where gender identity, sexuality, and sexual expression are celebrated without shame or apology.

Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?

Anne Stagg: AnneStaggWrites.com is a unique blend of erotica, sexual wellness, and social justice. It's a place to get turned on and tuned in. I'm also committed to making space for and amplifying the voices of queer and trans folks, people of color, and sex workers. If I'm writing about something that's outside of my experience, I include references and lists of content creators who are doing incredible work in the community.

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often, and why?

Anne Stagg: I talk a lot about my experience with emotional/psychological recovery, queerness, and kink. I've written a lot about how kink isn't a reflection of abuse, especially when it comes to D/s relationships. I'm also beginning to talk more openly about the positive experiences I had in my 20s as a sex worker.

So often folks in the queer, kink, and sex work communities are pathologized. And not just by people looking to oppress them, but by people who think they're helping.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Anne Stagg: My most popular post ever is "My Recovery Collar: Using BDSM Tools to Heal." It also happens to be one of my favorites, as well. It's a personal expression of how my spouse and I have used collaring as a way to address my challenges with anxiety and self-harm.

Again, I think folks in the BDSM/kink community are often pathologized, especially by mental health providers. I've seen the stigma, first-hand, on both sides (as a mental health provider and as a client).

It drew readers because it was an honest exploration of a concrete coping tool. The other feedback I received was that it reflected many peoples' own experiences with self-harm and offered a way to incorporate healing into a D/s dynamic.

Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Anne Stagg: The personal freedom and self-acceptance I've discovered through sex blogging are tremendous. It's an opportunity to be fully authentic in a way I've never had before. Even in social work, there were plenty of spaces that I didn't find welcoming to queer folks, kinksters, and sex workers.

Being able to confront ignorance and hate through education and advocacy is a gift.

I also love the ability to put compassion and love out into the world. Even though every person is unique, sometimes knowing you're not alone in the type of experiences you've had can be the difference between finding hope or collapsing into despair.

Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?

Anne Stagg: Judgement and unsolicited dick pics. Please. Just. Stop.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Anne Stagg: Masturbate & be fearless and honest with your words.

First, think of masturbation as a way of communicating with your mind and body.

Second, and I can't stress the importance of this enough, talk to your partner or partners about what you love, like, and dislike. Express your hard and soft limits without shame. Pick safewords and use stoplights, even if you're 100% vanilla. Communicate before, during, and after sexual encounters.

The more you practice communication, the easier it becomes. And not only does it help deepen your sexual and intimate pleasure, but it also opens you to a more diverse, beautiful world.