According to a recent survey, 42% of women on OkCupid are into anal sex, and 17% of women love orgasming from anal sex. (I am proud to part of the 17%.)
Before educating herself, Angela Watson, M.D., was completely unaware that people with vaginas were also capable of enjoying anal orgasms. "I was under the impression that you needed a prostate to have an orgasm from anal stimulation," says Watson. "I've since learned this is not the case at all.”
I recently made a miraculous discovery: I can have consistent orgasms from anal sex. I typically need clitoral and vaginal stimulation to orgasm, so it’s been a delightful discovery to come from penis-in-anus penetration alone. (I haven’t tried it with a strap-on yet, but I’m guessing it will be a similar experience.)
I’ve always enjoyed anal sex – there’s something kind of taboo about wanting to be fucked in the ass that is a major turn-on. Ditto for pegging a partner.
The Anatomy of Pleasure
It's a different form of stimulation than your standard-issue PIV or strap-on in vagina sex. The key to my orgasms has been to be super aroused (warm-up with a sex toy or oral sex does the trick), before being penetrated doggy style. Sometimes, I’ll reach between my thighs and play with my clit, but it hasn’t been 100% necessary to reach climax.
I’ve stopped worrying about making a mess – it can and will happen, despite the best of prep efforts. If someone is willing to penetrate my anus, they probably know what they’re getting themselves into.
This no fucks given attitude has allowed me to appreciate the anus as another source of pleasure.
“Anal sex isn't for everyone, but for those who are into it, anal orgasm is another type of orgasm that women can enjoy just as much as clitoral, vaginal, etc.," says Nicole Buratti, Certified Pelvic Floor & Diastasis Recti Specialist.
You know that the penis and vagina are packed with nerves, but the anus is one of the densest areas of nerve endings. Why deny yourself or a partner another avenue of pleasure?
It May Be Messy–That’s OK
The thing is the anus is also used for defecating, so by default, it can be messy. If you’re nervous about making a mess, there are a few things you can to prepare for anal play. Go to the bathroom and completely empty the bowels. Then, wash the anus with soap and water, both inside and out, or use an anal douche.
If you’re still worried, toss the Liberator Fascinator Throw down to protect your bedding or carpet.
There’s No One Way to Enjoy Anal Play
What feels pleasurable for one person, may feel differently for another. The key is to go slow, communicate with your partner, and use plenty of lube. And if something hurts, feels off, or you simply change your mind, it's OK to stop. There may be some discomfort at first, but straight-up pain is a red flag.
Use Lots of Lube
An obvious (and totally valid) fear about anal penetration is that it'll be painful to insert something as big as a penis (or even a finger) into such a small hole.
According to OKCupid, 68% of women say the more lube, the better when it comes to anal sex. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not a self-lubricating orifice, so I have to trust that a partner is going to go slow, pay attention to my comfort, and communicate every step (err, or inch) or the way.
Take Your Time
Once you're relaxed and ready, start small, and use a tongue or finger to gently stimulate the area surrounding the anus. When you’re aroused, try to ease one finger or tip of a plug inside. The muscles should open on their own; if you have to force it, you're not ready.
Find the A-Spot
It's all about finding and stimulating the "A-spot,” also known as the anterior fornix. “The anterior fornix is located typically between five to six inches inside of your vagina,” says Watson. Although it's located inside your vagina, you can stimulate the A-spot through your anus.
“For myself, it's very difficult to stimulate the A-spot through penile stimulation (anal sex) enough to bring myself to orgasm, however, I've had great results using vibrators,” shares Watson.
Typically, when we have anal sex, my husband will start off by using a vibrator to get me "warmed up" and bring myself closer to the point of orgasm. First, he will find my A-spot, then he will crank up the vibrations and maneuver the toy in a circular motion around my A-spot. Then once I feel myself getting more aroused and closer to the point of orgasm, I will ask him to stop, and then he will insert his penis (after lubing up, of course). This has been the only way I've been able to orgasm through anal sex.
“Don’t expect to have an orgasm the first time you stimulate your A-spot,” says Watson. “It took us quite a few tries for me to finally achieve an orgasm.”
When it comes to anal sex or penetration, most folks say that their orgasms come when anal stimulation is combined with other touch on the clitoris or vulva.
"Positions that allow easy access for fingers to touch simultaneously rub or massage the genitals are best," says Amy Baldwin, Sex Educator, Sex and Relationship Coach, and Co-Host of the Shameless Sex Podcast. “This might be a missionary position with the receiver on top perpendicular from their partner – or when really warmed up – a doggy-style position where the receiver can access their clitoris while their partner is behind them.”
Take Proper Precautions
If you use a condom, swap it out before moving from anal to vaginal penetration. Ditto for condoms on sex toys that switch between orifices. “It is important to keep in mind that once anything enters the anus, it may not then enter any other orifice,” notes Buratti. It’s normal for bacteria to be found in the anus, but going back and forth from anal to vaginal or oral sex can increase the risk of infections.
Don’t be Afraid to Experiment
I genuinely enjoy helping my partners feel good and exploring new sources of erotic pleasure. So, before you write off anal sex because of fear, stigma, or the so-called ick factor, give it a try. Be open to trying a variety of positions to find one that feels good for you.
As Buratti shares, the best positions for anal sex are doggy style and spooning. With spooning, she or her partner can also play with her clit, increasing the chance of cumming. Sometimes, it may take a few tries and a lot of fumbling to find your groove. And if anal sex isn’t your thing, that’s OK too. Sexual exploration should be fun – not tedious or frustrating.
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