Would you give up the fast, battery-powered thrills of a vibrator for something less stimulating? It might seem strange to swap a top-of-the-line vibrator for something completely cold and inert. However, a growing number of women are doing just that. They are leaving their vibrators behind and opting for the slower, more sensual experience of using a ‘wand.’ Wands can be made of crystal, and are purported to have healing properties.
Here is Tess’s powerful story of life before and after her vibrator. She didn’t actually start using one until the age of 25. She said that before she used a vibrator : ‘’I was quite happily using a soft, curved dildo I got in Japan. It was shaped very similarly to my current wand but softer - silicone, perhaps. I always had G-spot orgasms until the vibrator," she said.
"When I first picked up a little vibrator to play with, I had such an intense experience and orgasmed harder than I ever had before. I realized I could have orgasm after orgasm for the first time. I could have more than 30 orgasms at a time, which was pretty amazing," Tess said.
"At first I went back and forth between my old dildo and my vibrator, and gradually moved to just using the vibrator. I’d actually never had clitoral orgasm before that, and I had this idea that if I didn’t then I wan’t orgasming to my full potential. I also had shame around squirting and so I think that part influenced my decision," she said. (A reader asks whether they can increase the sensitivity of their clitoris. Read the answer here.)
"I felt like over time I became dependent on my vibrator and needed more and more force. I worked my way up to a more powerful model. After a couple of years it was harder and harder to orgasm even two or three times and I'd even hurt myself trying to force it. The orgasms became duller, shorter and sadder. I actually felt broken as a person,’’ Tess said.
(Editors' Note: Sex toys do not desensitize or damage the body but experts do recommend switching things up to promote different pathways to pleasure.)
So, Tess switched to a wand after discovering the online course Self:Cervix, which helps women to awaken their cervix for deeper orgasmic pleasure. Now masturbation has become a slower, more meditative practice that is focused on healing rather than orgasm.
With Self:Cervix, women learn how to use wands or fingers to release physical tension that can build up in the vagina and cervix. The practice has helped Tess to feel again, and although she doesn’t have the orgasmic releases of her early days with the vibrator, she feels that she is slowly opening up to experiencing more pleasure.
She says, ‘’I have less orgasmic releases and more orgasmic feelings. So I can feel pleasure for an hour, without actually needing the physical release of an actual orgasm. Outside of the practice I’m more present and in touch with my body on the whole. I can’t imagine going back to a vibrator, but if I do, I won’t beat myself up about it.’’
The Benefits of Using a Non-Vibrating Wand
I asked Olivia Bryant, the founder of Self:Cervix, about some of the benefits of using a wand. She stated:
‘’I used to use a vibrator – I became quite addicted to the quick fix, not realizing I was limiting my capacity to feel ultimately. I don’t judge personal preference for vibration - we must do what is right for us. But when it comes to experiencing a more expansive and relaxed pleasure, vibrators don’t help. We can become conditioned to the power and force which can desensitize us to more subtle and expansive sensations," she said.
Wands are for an entirely different purpose. They're like an assist - reaching into places that we can't with our fingers. They are primarily for exploring the internal world, releasing tension and activating internal orgasm.’’
One of the ways wands benefit us is that they allow us to focus on the health and well-being of our own bodies. They can help us to release tension, both physical and emotional, and play a role in recovering from sexual trauma.
Xanet Pailet is a sex and intimacy coach, and author of "Living an Orgasmic Life.’’ She recommends using a wand as a way to both stimulate the G-spot for pleasure, and to massage the internal vaginal tissues, which can easily get tight and form adhesions around the muscles. When these muscles are tight it can reduce reduce our capacity to experience pleasure.
Pailet said, "Many women have very sensitive areas in the vagina, especially around the opening. These can be caused by tension and imbalances in the pelvic bowl and can be caused by many issues, including trauma, childbirth, or surgeries. Massaging these areas with a wand in a way that is similar to acupressure can help to remove those blockages and loosen up the whole pelvic floor.’’
This kind of conscious release is taught by many Tantra teachers and sacred sexuality coaches. It’s similar to a gentle massage we can perform on ourselves, and it can allow us to open up to receive more pleasure. It’s kind of like restorative yoga for our sexual organs!
Are crystal wands some kind of magic?
Can the type of wand we use have an influence on what we feel? Vanessa Cuccia thinks so. She’s the founder of Chakrubs, the first company to manufacture wands made out of crystal. She has a whole range of different Chakrubs made of crystals with different benefits.
For example one of her most popular Chakrub’s is made of rose quartz, which is known as the crystal of unconditional love. It is believed that rose quartz can help us to dissolve emotional wounds, and release worries, grief and resentment that can limit our capacity for giving and receiving love. Another Chakrub is made from Black Obsidian, which is said to activate the root chakra, helping us to feel grounded and safe. It is also said to promote positive sexual health and help with menstrual issues. Of course, these toys have a highly aesthetic side to them as well; because they're beautiful, that can make using them feel like a special experience.
According to Cuccia, one of the benefits of a wand is that they can ‘’be beneficial for getting out of a routine and expanding one's concept of self-pleasure. Unlike with a vibrator, where you can sometimes zone out and let the vibrating do the work, Chakrubs ask for our full attention. This heightened awareness can wake us up to hidden sexual desires, help us release unresolved trauma, and so much more.’’
Are these crystal sex toys magic - or just a beautiful addition to your collection? That's for you to decide. But if you feel like you are stuck in a bit of a rut and need a break from your masturbation routine, why not give them a try? At the very least, you'll be working at exploring your body and expanding your repertoire for giving yourself pleasure. And that in itself is pretty magical.