“Don’t you dare come.”

You’ve been rubbed, stroked, and fingered. A toy has buzzed against your body for what seems like hours. You’re on the edge of a major orgasm, desperate for it. You hear those words, and you wonder if you can force your body to obey or if you’ll be betrayed. And if you do orgasm without permission, what will happen next?

Welcome to the world of edged orgasms. They are oh-so-kinky - and oh-so-pleasurable. Here we'll take a look at the dynamics at play.

Discipline Required

In BDSM the “D” doesn’t just stand for dominance, it means discipline. The concept of discipline has multiple meanings, whether it’s following rules, obeying commands, or even accepting the consequences of broken rules and forgotten tasks. In edged orgasms - being brought to the edge of climax and then denied - discipline is two-fold. Can you obey the person telling you “No” and will your body obey you when you tr to hold back the flood of desire as your climax barrels right at you?

Depending on your kinks and your relationship, some of the “fun” happens when you can’t stop your orgasm. You might be punished in a kinky, pleasurable way. You might have to try again, even as your partner doubles down on the stimulation to make it even harder to control your body. For some of us, myself included, part of the enjoyment is in the play. What will my partner do next? How will he touch me? Can I control myself? And just how big will the orgasm be when I’m finally allowed to come?

Read: Edging: Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level

Power and Control

You can enjoy edged orgasms without a full-blown D/s relationship. Allowing someone else to control how, when, and if you orgasm is a form of power exchange. Whether you're a Top, bottom, Dominant, or submissive, it doesn’t matter how you identify or what role you prefer. The person who stimulates your mind and body to the point of climax and then denies your release, only to begin again, making it more difficult to hold back the orgasm, is in complete control.

At the same time, you have to exert (or try to exert) control over your own body. Will you be a willing and obedient submissive or bottom? Will you force your body to do what your mind and partner want? It won’t always work. Sometimes the orgasm is simply too big or your mind wants it as much as the rest of you. Part of the fun is finding out if you can control your body at all.

Pleasurable Pain

Imagine the feeling that is coursing through your body as you know you’re on the verge of orgasm. Your body is hot. Your genitals throb with desire as everything swells. You’re breathing faster. Your feet press down and your hips lift as you brace for what’s about to happen. Every nerve-ending tingles. You’re about to explode!

Then your partner says, “No” or they stop touching you altogether.

For those of us who enjoy that kind of play, it’s a delicious agony. Your body is tense and ready to orgasm. Your mind takes over, wills the rest of you to calm down, stop, don’t come. Then your partner begins again, bringing you to the edge. Believe me, it hurts so good.

Read: Life on the Edge: Edging and Why You Deserve It

Big Orgasms Are Headed Your Way

I like edging for plenty of reasons - the power, the pain, the submission, the way my body feels as I’m being stimulated. My favorite part of edged orgasms, whether it’s for a few minutes, a few hours, or even days and weeks, is the ending. The first orgasm after being edged is an explosion.

After edging, every part of my body is more sensitive. The floodgates are opened, sometimes literally. Ever read some erotica or romance that talked about electricity, lightning, or fireworks at the point of climax? Those sensations are real, especially if the orgasm has been built up and denied for a while. For some, multiple orgasms occur more easily after this first one. For others, the one they have is so big, they melt into a puddle and don’t need anything else. Either way, it’s a big ending to a kinky game.

Edged orgasms are fun on multiple levels and hit several kinks. The important thing is to remember is that this is supposed to be fun. You won’t always succeeding in holding back your orgasm, and that's OK. It happens. Relax, try again, and enjoy the sensations, the power, the pain, or whatever other kink it hits for you.