Use Inspiration Beforehand
If you know you want to try being in charge but have never had the chance to try it before, you might benefit from finding some inspiration beforehand.
If your fantasies lean towards being cruel and humiliating, consider watching mainstream femdom porn. If your fantasies lean towards something gentler, I'd recommend videos by smaller producers—like amateur videos or smaller, feminist porn studios. There's a wide range of femdom dynamics out there; don't let mainstream femdom porn make you think all video porn is so harsh.
If videos aren't up your alley, don't forget about the magic of written (or audio!) erotica. While it might take awhile to find an artist who depicts the dynamics you're into, it can be worth it once you fall in love with an artist's style—and wait for every one of their updates with bated breath.
Have a General Game Plan Before you Start
While you don't have to think out everything, one of the easiest ways to beat your nerves is to have a general game plan before you begin.
What would you like to do via text today? Would you like them to strip off their clothing, piece by piece, as they send you photos of themselves - and you get to critique whether that photo passes your inspection? Would you like them to take specific instructions for their self-pleasuring—and then ultimately deny their orgasm?
It's entirely up to you to decide what you'd like to do. But going into your texting session with a general "I'd like to accomplish this" will help you negotiate consent—and give you a game plan about what you'd like to say or "do" if you hit a temporary roadblock.
Have Prepared Pictures (If That's Your Thing!)
Everyone has their preferences, but it absolutely drives me straight out of the "mood" if I need to take a picture or a video mid-sexting. Now, instead of laying back and enjoying myself, I need to make sure I look "presentable", that I'm clean/showered and in nice-looking clothing, that the lighting looks good and that I like the resulting picture.
Considering it's pretty enjoyable to sext while lounging late at night, after a few drinks, in your pajamas, prepping for a picture doesn't add to my sexting enjoyment—it detracts.
If you share the same thoughts, I'd recommend having some pre-made pictures ready to go. Especially if you're someone who regularly sexts new people, a set of 10 different pictures can give you a lot of options for sending photos—and won't require any interruption mid-play.
Depending on the mood you're going for and the kinks you're into, here are some photo ideas for you:
- Hold a key against an area of your body you find erotic.
- Wear lingerie that makes you feel amazing.
- Place your hands between your thighs.
- Pose in some of your favorite heels.
- Hold an impact toy or a belt held tautly.
- Holding a bondage item—like cuffs, collars or a scarf.
- Dress up and but hold your underwear, as though to show you're not wearing any under the outfit.
As you figure out what "demands" you want to make of your submissive partner, and what kinks you're into, you'll likely add different suggestions and poses to your list.
Think about Sex Toys
The world of interactive sex toys is constantly expanding, and I am constantly amazed by it.
If you regularly play with a partner—and have the budget to make it happen—there are sex toys that can wirelessly connect to one another across the globe. This can mean controlling your sub's vibrations or selecting a pair of sex toys that synchronize your toy's movement to another toy's intensity level. Some brands that make this possible include Lovense, We-Vibe and Satisfyer. That can be an amazing way to use toys to connect—even long-distance!
READ: 5 Ways to Add Heat to Long-Distance Love Affairs.
And don't forget about toys for your own pleasure! Especially if you're someone who plans to stick to femdom sexting for awhile, you might consider getting a few awesome sex toys to accompany you on the ride. Getting a hands-free sex toy—like the Rocks-Off Ruby Glow, the Hot Octopuss Jett, the Wild Flower Enby 2, the EXO or an electrosex stimulator—can ensure your hands stay free to text while you enjoy yourself.
Alternatively, straddling sex furniture mounts like the Liberator Bon Bon or Liberator Tula can turn your standard vibrator (or dildo!) into a hands-free option as well.
Final Thoughts: Start Small
If you're worried about doing an entire sexting session as the dominant person, that's OK. It can be really scary if you've never done it before!
Luckily, nobody says you can't start small.
Consider adding a few dominant slants to your regular sexting conversation. Demand that your partner send you a photo of exactly what you want—and whether you want to barter with a photo of your own is up to you. Try to tell them exactly what you'd like them to do at that moment. Be upfront and tell them exactly what you're doing—and how you'd make them pleasure you if they were with you right now.
You don't have to take control of the entire conversation, but throwing yourself into dominance once in a while may help you pick up the reigns entirely at a later date.
READ: 10 Things You Learn in a Femdom Class That Work in Any Bedroom.