High tech sex

10 Life-Saving Sex Tips for People in Long-Distance Relationships

Published: JUNE 20, 2023
Adding some creativity into your sexual repertoire can go a long way in terms of staying hot for each other - even when you're miles apart.

The internet has made it easier than ever to connect with someone thousands of miles away. In fact, statistically speaking, your soulmate is probably more likely to live hundreds of miles away from you than in the same metropolis!

(That holds true for me too! Every person I've dated - except one - is someone I've met online from a different location.)


While this greater flexibility means that you're more likely to find an amazing person that you mesh with, it also comes with some challenges. After all, living in separate locations means it's difficult to meet up for in-person interactions. As we all know, a tactile hug where you can feel another person's warmth tends to feel a bit better than someone texting "Hug" - even if both activities have the same positive intention.

Luckily for all of us, technology makes the distance a bit easier to bear. Between video chats, screen sharing, synchronized toys, texting, calling, and easily-accessible ways to share photos and videos, we can keep in contact with one another over long distances much better than couples 20 years ago could do.

Still, keeping the sexual part of your long-distance relationship from feeling a bit stale can take a bit of trial and error. There's only so many times you can have phone sex before you start to feel like you're revisiting the same ideas over and over. (But hey, if that's working for you, please continue doing it! I'm only here to provide additional options - which is probably why you're here too!)


So let's dive into it. Here are life-saving sex tips for people in long-distance relationships:

Take Advantage of All Hours of the Day

If your partner is standing next to you in the house, it can be easy to fit in small, tiny touches that build sexual tension. You might slide a hand around their waist or give them a quick kiss when squeezing through to grab the remote. There might be quick ass spanks and a flirty word exchanged when heading out the door to work.

In long-distance relationships, it can be easy to let those small touches slide by the wayside. Instead, you both might just wait to add any flirty dialogue until you're 45 minutes into your online date and it feels like it's "time" to have sex.


Studies have shown that sexual tension can build connection and make the resulting orgasms better, though, so adding more flirty touches throughout the day can make a big difference!

Since you're not physically located next to your partner, you're going to have to get a bit more creative. Consider sending flirty texts throughout the day. Hype up how excited you are to see your partner later. Have you been feeling a bit turned on? Share it. What did you enjoy most about the last time you both were sexual? Have you been craving anything in particular about your partner?

Consider flirty photos, too, to add even more variability. Wearing sexy undies under your clothes? Pull down your jeans and showcase the waistband. Strip off your shirt in the bathroom to showcase a bare chest or bra. Even pulling down the neckline of a shirt to show off the vulnerable skin near the collarbone can be a turn on!


This can be even easier if either of you share a kink or fetish! A foot fetishist will love a little bit of ankle. A chastity kinkster might love to see the key draped around your neck. A spanking kinkster will love the look of a flattened, strained palm or a rounded butt. Use your shared interests to your advantage to keep the sexual tension running high.

If one of you works a job where the occasional flirty text may get read by a coworker, consider making a different account solely for your NSFW communication. This can allow the at-work partner to check it when they have privacy and to enjoy a secret thrill when they see they have a notification in their "naughty" account.

Use Synchronized Sex Toys

Did you know that technology has improved to the point that we have sex toys that synchronize with one another?


Yes, that's right: your body-safe sex toys can transmit and receive data about what its paired toy is doing - and change up its sensations based on that data.

It's freakin' amazing if you stop to think about it.

Many toys within the KIIROO range are designed to synchronize with one another in exactly this manner. You enjoy yourself with a toy, and the partnered toy will respond to all of the sensations. Faster movements or tighter squeezing can mean stronger sensations for your partner.


The exact sensations will vary based on the toy you're using. After all, the Lumen butt plug isn't going to provide faster stroking based on a partner's toy, but the KIIROO KEON definitely will!

KIIROO Pearl2+ vibrator leaning up against the KIIROO Onyx+ penis stroker sleeve | Kinkly ShopKIIROO Onyx+ Stroker with Pearl2+ G-Spot Vibrator

Most couples will find it easiest to start with the pre-made KIIROO Onyx+ and Pearl2+ set, but feel free to mix and match throughout KIIROO's line-up to find the perfect toys to synchronize to one another! (All of their toys can "receive" your partner's pleasure, but not all of their toys can "send" their data to your partner's toy.)

(If you're both pleasuring the same parts, don't fret! The KIIROO lines work with the exact same toy too; you can pair up two
KIIROO Titans or two KIIROO Pearl3s with no problem!)

Get Creative with Photos and Videos

Sending photos taken from the exact same angle in your dimly-lit bathroom can get pretty stale after awhile. But it's not your body; you're hot. It's that our human brains like novelty! That means mixing up what you do in your photos and videos can instantly revitalize your connection.

I recommend making a social media account on a website that allows adult/erotic photography. From there, follow any creators who regularly post photos and videos that match your aesthetic for inspiration. Did they take their shot in a new place? Is there a cool new angle that you could adopt?

While stealing is usually a no-no, if you're simply exchanging erotic shots of yourself with your partner, feel free to steal their poses and ideas to recreate the photo on your own.

Not only does this take a lot of the guesswork out of showing off for your partner, but you'll probably find yourself inspired to pull out your cell phone on days where you see a particularly awesome shot on social media.

Lights, Camera, Action: How To Make Porn - And Keep It Private

Explore Remote-Controlled Sex Toys

While synchronized sex toys can be an absolute blast, you'll find a wider (and cheaper!) range of options with app-controlled sex toys. After all, synchronizing movements in two toys requires pressure and motion sensors - and those can get pricey! Cell phone app control just requires one toy that can receive transmissions!

A sex toy with online remote control capabilities will allow anyone with an account and your username to control the toy. (Don't worry! You have to grant access to it first - every single time you want to play!) This means that your long-distance partner can be sitting in a work meeting while simultaneously sliding the power on the sex toy you're using for a self-pleasure session. Um, hot.

If you and your partner find it difficult to meet each other online at the same time, many remote controlled sex toy apps allow you to make and save your own customized patterns. Simply make a pattern for your partner to enjoy, and send it off to them as their "gift" for an orgasm later today! (Isn't it amazing what cell phone apps can do?)

For penis-owning people, I'd recommend any of the KIIROO line. Their strokers offer some of the most realistic and innovative movements on the market - and they can still connect to a cell phone app for online control with a partner! For even more versatility, the KIIROO strokers are one of the few toys that offer interactive connectivity with online porn. They can sync themselves to the movement on porn videos or cam sites for a really innovative way to enjoy yourself.

For vagina-owning people, I'd recommend the Lovense toys. Their vibrations are extremely powerful with a whole range of toys that offer long battery lives. You've probably already seen their Lush 3 already before! (If you're a penis-owning person who loves vibrations, the Lovense Gush is an A++ toy too!)

A person in a black dress is holding the Lovense Lush 3.0 in one hand and their cell phone in the other. The vibrator isn't slim, and it seems substantial compared to their hands. We assume that they're pairing the two together. | Kinkly ShopLovense Lush 3For anyone on a budget, the Satisfyer Connect toys are a great option. They won't have the strength of the other brands, but they make up for it with their lower price tags. They can allow you both to experiment with the fun of online control without the weighty investment.

(As a note, most synchronized sex toys also function as remote controlled sex toys! So if the synchronization ideas listed above intrigue you, consider shelling out a bit more for a two-in-one option!)

Use Snail Mail

With all of the technology available to us, a lot of us completely ignore snail mail. Why wait three to five business days if your message could be delivered instantly?

But there's something really romantic about receiving a hand-written letter. Not only does it take longer to write, but it's just so personalized. Computer fonts look like computer fonts no matter who types them, but your partner's handwriting is unique to them.

Feel free to keep it in the realm of "romance" if your partner isn't sure that they'll safely receive the letter.

But if you both trust the postal system and your partner's ability to receive it securely, you can handwrite out one of the fantasies you'd like to do with them. Feel free to add in as much juicy detail as you'd like. Run that pen out of ink!

Remember, you can send cool things in the mail too! While shipping used panties and other biohazardous waste may be illegal where you live, you can still get creative with what you include in your snail mail. You might consider a sample foil of a personal care item (like a perfume or lotion) that you use on a regular basis so that your partner can "smell" you next time they're enjoying themselves. You can also include clean clothing for them to wear, stickers for them to keep on their water bottle for hydrating during the event, and more.

Go "Shopping" Together

Technological advances in chat apps have made "screen sharing" a simple click of a button. (Back in my day, you pretty much needed a degree in computer science to put together the hodge podge of programs you needed!)

Use that easy screen sharing to your advantage to mix up your "date night" with some virtual shopping! Think of it like visiting the mall together - only you get to stay in your pajamas and don't have to wait in line.

Remember: the fun of shopping online with your partner is in the cool discussions it brings up. Why do they gravitate to that item? Does this item look like a replica of a nostalgic item they had as a kid? Have they been daydreaming about using this item with you the next time you both see each other in-person?

Easily make this sexual as you want by heading to lingerie stores or sex toy stores. You can even gravitate towards BDSM gear and restraints. I'm pretty sure you'll learn something new about what toys your partner uses to get off!

"Assign" Tasks

If the two of you only get an hour a couple of times a week to talk to each other live, it can be easy to feel like you aren't getting enough time together.

Head some of that off with tasks that the two of you do when you're apart.

For example, if one partner finds it difficult to really get into the mood and have a fulfilling orgasm during the single hour the two of you have together, you both might agree that they'll show up to that hour already turned on by masturbating ahead of time.

You can get creative with it, too. During a week when you both have extra time, you both might agree to edge yourselves daily without an orgasm to "build up" to a playtime at the end of the week. One of you may agree to wear a discreet restraint under your clothing for the entire week - or to recite a mantra before every meal. For the adventurous player, you might agree to use a sit-on vibrator (like the Wild Flower Enby 2, Rocks-Off Ruby Glow, or VibePad 2) during your work from home hours. (Don't forget to take a picture!)

READ: Why Edging and Orgasm Control Make for Great Long-Distance Play

These tasks don't have to be sexual, though! Most of us find it easier to take care of ourselves and do the shitty vanilla chores we don't want to do when someone else is relying on us to do them.

You both might agree that you drink 32 ounces of water before noon rolls around - and you do a check-in once the clock strikes twelve. Now, every time you take a sip of water, you're thinking about your partner in the best of ways.

Having little reminders and activities to do "for one another" throughout the day can help you both feel closer when time restraints mean you don't get as much live conversation as you'd like.

Craft Sexual "Safe Spaces"

Real-life can be amazing, but it also can suck. Most of us want to share those big wins (and big frustrations) with our partners.

When you have a limited time to talk, though, you might find that your interest in keeping up with one another's everyday life is getting in the way of sex. After all, if you have an hour of time to chat with one another and 30 minutes is spent talking about how shitty work is, you're going to find it very hard to transition to feeling sexual and aroused.

If you're finding that to be the case, consider scheduling in your sexy time. Agree to specific times where you both plan to show up to your conversation for only sex. Future planning and life discussions are entirely off the table. It's all about enjoying each other physically and mentally.

Think of it like hopping onto a phone sex line - but it's with your partner! When you call into a phone sex line, you're already turned on and excited to have the conversation. Bring that same energy into your scheduled sex with your partner.

Use the other tips within this article to make sure you both show up to your time together feeling ready for sex to make the most of your time.

Carving out this sexual space can also be helpful if you both find that you're spending a lot of time planning for future things instead of enjoying the now. After all, going over your calendars and figuring out where you can next meet up doesn't have a whole lot of "fuck me, I'm horny" energy to it.

No matter the reason, if you're finding it hard to transition into an aroused state of mind when you're together (it can be hard!), consider trying to schedule specific chats where you both know that sex is the only thing on the table. It can help!

Make Porn/Erotica "Playlists"

Do the two of you share a few kinks or roleplay scenarios?

If so, consider sharing some of your favorite adult material with one another. If you're an erotica person, this might look like sending links to some of your favorite stories. If you're a video person, this could look like playlists of some of the videos you think your partner would like. If you're someone who enjoys caption photos, you can make lists of saved posts to share with a partner!

Not only does this show that you have an understanding of what your partner is into sexually, it's also like a bit of a gift (especially great for those who have "gift giving" as a love language!). Bonus points if the two of you want to read or watch some of them together during your next chat session!

For a less explicit touch, you can do the same thing with music. Make a music playlist that gets you feeling aroused - and then share it with your partner!

Tips for Watching Porn with a Partner

Leave an Audio Message

How often do you leave an audio message for your long-distance partner? While typing can often be faster and more convenient (and less vulnerable!), there's something really special about hearing your partner's voice.

Consider creating a "theme" for an audio message to surprise your partner. Describe one of your favorite memories together. Talk about what you'd do on a dream day where the two of you would meet up. Wax poetic over their favorite features.

Of course, you can make this as sexual as you're comfortable with!

For the biggest surprise, simply record yourself masturbating as you tip over the orgasmic edge. (Make sure to send it with a NSFW warning! That would be an embarrassing audio message to open at work!)

You don't have to go all the way to orgasm, either. Simply head into the bathroom (great acoustics!) and touch yourself while you record your breathing. Even without the orgasm, this can be extra steamy - especially when they aren't expecting it!

You don't have to be so bold, though. Talk through the last time you both had amazing sex. Find a sex toy online on your wishlist, and talk about how you'd use it with them. Tell them about the last thing you masturbated to - or how you're doing on any of those sexual "tasks" we talked about above. You can even simply tell them about how it feels to put on a piece of lingerie or clothing that makes you feel sexual. It's all about what's comfortable for you!

(Leaving a voicemail might be the first idea that comes up, but don't forget about some of your other options! Most cell phones have an audio notes app that can record your thoughts - and then you can upload it somewhere to share. Many chat apps also allow you to send audio messages as well - just like a text message! Just make sure to give your potential method a quick run-through before you start. Some chat apps have time limits, and the last thing you want is to be on the edge before orgasm when the app cuts you off!)

Bonus Tip: Use Sex Furniture

Do you know the hardest thing about trying to enjoy mutual masturbation with a partner online? You still have to communicate with them somehow while trying to enjoy yourself. Texting can become a chore, holding the phone can be frustrating, and trying to position the laptop for the right angle for camming while still being able to communicate can seem like a Olympian sport.

Cut out some of those frustrations with the help of a sex toy mount. A sex toy mount is a type of sex furniture that "mounts" your favorite toy for you. Just like this:

Liberator Tula holding a dildo and a wand massager at the same time | Kinkly Shop

It, effectively, makes for easy, hands-free sex toy use. This can free up your hands to better communicate with your partner without doing the "juggle a dildo and a cell phone" dance.

For people who like to play with wand massagers, I'd recommend the Liberator Tula, Axis, or Humphrey.

If you prefer to ride your vibrator or dildo, the Liberator BonBon, Tula, or Wing are all great options.

If you're someone who likes penis strokers or penis vibrators, the Liberator On a Mission, Top Dog, or Humphrey is probably your best bet.

If you're going to be enjoying yourself regularly with your long-distance partner, you might as well make it as hassle-free (and pleasure filled!) as possible!

READ: Sex Toy Accessories for Next Level Play

A solo person is laying down on their stomach. A triangular piece of sex furniture is propped underneath them, holding a vibrator between their thighs. The person uses their laptop with both hands as the sex furniture is holding the vibrator in place for them..An example sex position of someone using a sex toy mount for the Browse and Buzz position. They're enjoying the vibrations of a wand massager while keeping their hands free to communicate with their long-distance lover.

Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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