How to Train a Submissive With Hand Signals

First thing's first: This system is not meant to co-opt deaf culture in any way, nor is it a replacement for American Sign Language. It’s an alternative for a Dominant who needs to communicate their wishes to a submissive when verbal commands may be difficult to hear. I've found there's a surprising number of situations when non-verbal commands come in handy. The most common is in dungeons or at kink parties, where loud music or noise is a problem. They can also be useful when the submissive is hard of hearing or has earplugs in.

This is an alternate system of communication I initially developed with my subs during play in loud public play spaces. I'm old, enjoy high protocol D/s, and can't hear well. I also love using sensory deprivation, like earplugs and headphones, on my submissives. In addition to being practical in loud environments, this system also enforces the discipline I instill in my submissives through memorization, service and structure. It’s perfect for those into service oriented protocol because it is so regimented. Lastly, it offers a fair system for developing punishments for a sub who can’t recall one of the commands. You can use it in quiet environments too just to keep your submissive on their toes.

Safety First, Always

There are only six things to remember, making this an easy system to incorporate into your D/s play. To initiate the hand commands, the Dominant needs to get the attention of their submissive by waving, making eye contact, or snapping fingers. Once the sub is alerted, the Dominant uses one of six hand signals - either a fist or holding up between one and five fingers.

All D/s play must be consensual. Details should be negotiated before play begins. Participants have a safeword they can use at any time. This simple hand signal system incorporates nonverbal safewords. They’re “safe signals,” if you will, otherwise called somatic safewords. A somatic safeword is a physical action that replaces a verbal safeword. Some people use two taps on the arm, a closed fist raised high, or "jazz hands."

Another option is to have the submissive hold an object and when they release it, that signals the safeword. The object should be something loud or otherwise noticeable when dropped like a bouncy ball or a set of keys. Incorporating safe signals during this type of play (or any other time when verbal communication is impaired) is important. It’s a good way to say no, check in with the Dominant, renegotiate the scene, or just get a timeout.

The 6 Hand Signals

The following explains each Dominant hand signal and what it means. Most commands correspond to a number and letter of the alphabet that relates to the action commanded.

• Fist: When the Dominant raises their fist in the air, it means, “Stop what you’re doing immediately, come to my side, and assume your submissive position.” That position preference changes from person to person. I prefer my submissive sitting on the ground, hands behind their back, with their eyes looking down.