For people experiencing a higher libido they feel guilt or frustration about, know this is perfectly normal as well. We may feel heightened sexual awareness and need for touch/release when we desire to connect more deeply with a partner, when we are feeling at home in our bodies, or just because that is our natural state.
How Sex Toys Can Help
If your libido is higher than your partner's or if you are unpartnered and looking for solo-sex options consider making time to prioritize new ways to connect with your sexual self. Using new sex toys or trying new ways to masturbate can all add a fresh dimension to your sex life that doesn't put pressure on you to find a partner or make your partner's libido match yours. Sex toys can also help you discover new ways of experiencing pleasure that you can use for when you have partnered sex.
Remember that there is no set limit on how much sex or masturbation is too much and thus it should not be something anyone feels shame around. Unless your libido is causing you to take dangerous risks or ignore other aspects of your life then it is simply part of the natural range of sexual diversity that humans experience.
If you have a lower libido, sex toys may be able to help you discover the sensations that really get you in the mood. Using sex toys on your own can also help take the pressure off; you don't have a partner you need to consider or worry about. You can simply take the time to focus on yourself and figuring out what you really like.
Can Your Change Your Libido?
If you do feel like a low or high libido is a concern in your life one of the next best steps would be to connect with a certified sex educator, counselor, or therapist and seek further advice and support. By talking with a professional you can work to uncover any underlying issues that may be leading to your feelings that something isn’t where you want it to be.
By addressing your concerns and giving tips and tools for increasing your awareness of underlying issues that need to be addressed, couples and individuals can find a happy balance between where their natural libido is and where they would like it to be.
Separate from education and counseling you can better understand your libido by doing reflective work on your own. Start by observing and recording times and situations that make you feel present in your body and connected to your sexuality. It may be a certain song, piece of clothing, good news, or erotica that ignites your sensual fires. Again, you may want to experiment with sex toys to determine what sensations feel best to you.
Note times of day, the weather, and other small details that may seem insignificant but might show a pattern you hadn’t been aware of before. By having this data you can see what works for you and what does not and share your finds with your partner and/or therapist.
Libido is rooted in the soil of our lives. When we feel nurtured, safe, and seen it will flourish, though what that looks like for each person will as unique as we all are. There is no right or wrong to experience libido, so focus on finding what works for you where you are and in this season of your life.