Getting Over Multiple Orgasm Insecurity

Published: MAY 24, 2017
For some people, orgasms are best when they come one at a time.

Throughout my lifetime, I've enjoyed a decent and active sex life. While that life doesn't always include partners, I've always savored masturbation and my own body. Since the time I've been able to orgasm, my female-bodied orgasms have always followed the "one and done" method always attributed to male-bodied individuals. I thought that was just the way my body was designed.


However, as my curiosity extended, I found myself watching porn videos that showed actresses having orgasms - lots and lots of them - one right after another. When my interests branched into the kinky side of things, lots of videos still seemed to feature women who would enjoy orgasm after orgasm, all seemingly effortlessly. Why didn't my body do that, I wondered?

My Orgasm Insecurity

Getting involved in my local BDSM community didn't make this growing sense of insecurity any better. While I could assume or pretend that women involved in porn were likely faking it for better cinematics, most of my friends and community members seemed to be enjoying orgasm after orgasm at the hands of their partners. Multiple orgasms just seemed to be something that most women could achieve and enjoy. I found myself avoiding play parties just so I didn't have to watch other women enjoy what I couldn't: that "holy grail" of pleasure.

My Experience with Multiple Orgasms

Then last year, after much experimentation, I found success! I wrote an article about how to have multiple orgasms - because I went from a "single" orgasm woman to a multiply orgasmic woman. I had finally achieved that “holy grail” I'd been chasing for years – even if it took quite a bit of effort to get those subsequent orgasms. I just assumed that, with practice, my multiple orgasms would begin to feel more satisfactory and easier to achieve.


Well, you know what they say about assumptions. Despite practicing again and again at achieving multiple orgasms, I just wasn't finding any extra pleasure in it. The first orgasm was amazing - and exactly what I've come (haha!) to expect from my body. It feels fantastic, full-body, and downright intense. It's so effortless to achieve, too. The subsequent ones? Well, those take a lot of effort and focus on my part, and they just feel like lackluster copies of the original orgasm. It feels like my body is going through the motions and producing an orgasm, but without all the pleasure that usually goes along with it.

Despite all this, I continued to practice at multiple orgasms for months, each time, feeling relatively frustrated. I just couldn't believe that my body couldn't seem to enjoy each orgasm with the ecstasy that I'd seen in so many different women. It seemed to get more and more pleasurable with every orgasm for them. With me, it just got more and more difficult.

The Other Side of the Coin

After a particularly frustrating month with my multiple orgasm practice, I was out to breakfast with a couple of my female friends. Eventually, the topic of conversation swung around to sex with our respective partners. One of my close friends lamented her frustration over her multiple orgasms. As she told it, she loved having multiples, but it never matched up with her partner's single orgasm. He wasn't too interested in continuing to give her orgasms after he'd come. She left most of her sessions feeling frustrated at having left pleasure on the table or having to take care of herself. She wished she could just enjoy a single one and want nothing more.


A light bulb just clicked on for me. I'd never had that problem. I was quite satisfied after the first one. With the way my brain and body worked, I almost always achieved orgasm at the same time as my partner. While I was frustrated over the fact that my orgasms couldn't be exactly like my friend's orgasms, she was frustrated that hers weren't like mine!

After that realization, I decided to take my frustration back to my partners and confess what I'd been doing. Both of them laughed at me for making such a silly assumption. Both pointed out that I'd done what I'd done in the name of science, but there was no reason to continue my quest if I wasn't enjoying it. After all, self pleasure should be, well, pleasurable!

I wish I'd learned this lesson sooner, but it's certainly easier to offer the advice that "all people are different" when those differences aren't those that leave you feeling like an undesired outsider. While I still feel frustration and jealousy when I see those gorgeous women enjoying multiple orgasms at play parties, I try to remember that I excel in other ways - ways that are unique to my body. And, really, how cool is that?


Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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