First-Time Anal Too Painful for Your Partner? Here's How to Help Them Enjoy It Next Time
Published: JANUARY 11, 2019
| Updated: NOVEMBER 13, 2021 06:27:26
Learning the art of giving great anal can help heal a past painful experience for a partner.
For a lot of people receiving anal sex for the first time, the experience is so painful they think, "Noooooo thank you! Not my cup of tea!" Not a bad instinct to follow, considering the health risks anal may entail.
I can relate, too. Anal was always uncomfortable for me until I tried it with an ex-porn star who knew his shit better than anyone I'd ever fucked. The pain-free result was one of the top five experiences of my sex life. I came so hard I broke straight through to the 10th dimension!
If your partner wants to take it in the butt and their first time was unpleasant, give these handy steps a try to create a smoother experience in the future.
Of course, full and enthusiastic consent is always essential. So make sure your partner is totally on-board with trying anal again. If a past experience has traumatized them to the point that anal is no-go, find other hot things to try together.
Read: 3 Porn Stars Share Their Best Advice for Anal Sex
Make Sure You Have Plenty of Time
You'll have to warm your partner up considerably for their muscles to relax and stretch enough to comfortably accommodate anal penetration. This may take longer than you'd expect. I'm talking two to three hours minimum!
The process will be no fun for either of you if you try to rush it. Take the phone off the hook and make anal the main focus of your evening.
Take the Plunge Into Enema Play
Because the anus and rectum are extremely sensitive areas, even tiny bits of fecal matter can make your partner's experience less pleasant. If y'all have never done enema play, this is a great time to start. Cleaning out your partner will help you clear an unimpeded path for penetration.
Here are a few tips for ensuring a fun enema play session:
- Make the activity kinky and/or erotic. The first time I received an enema, I was freaked out and embarrassed. I ended up loving it due to the intimacy involved and the way my play partner fit it into our D/s dynamic. Your attitude toward the activity will make all the difference for your partner.
- Heat the water to around 100 degrees. If it's too hot, you'll burn your partner's colon. If it's too cold, however, they may experience cramping.
- Help your partner find a comfortable position to receive the enema. You have a number of great options to choose from, so find one that they can enjoy. Try to choose one that facilitates the process of gravity pulling the liquid of the enema into your partner's body, as well as one that doesn't put pressure on the stomach area.
- Repeat the process until your partner's rectum is completely clean and free of bits of poop. (They'll be able to tell by checking out the liquid they release.) This could take 2-3 rounds of filling and emptying their insides, but it's well worth it. (And a good time, if you're into this sort of thing!)
Read: Because You Wanna Know: How to Do an Enema Before Anal Play
Help Your Partner Physically Relax
Muscle tension will prevent your partner from smoothly accepting anal penetration. You'll both have an easier time if you take steps to help relax their body from head to toe.
My porny ex-play partner would run me a warm bath, slowly wash my hair, and help me get clean before diving into the next preparatory steps. This would not only allay any fears I had about sanitation, but also put me into an extremely zoned out state of bliss. I highly recommend taking this route and following up by giving your partner a post-bath full-body massage. You'll have them drooling and begging for more (if they manage to stay awake).
Use Tons of Lube Throughout the Process
The anus doesn't self-lubricate during times of arousal like vaginas do. Using copious amounts of lube during anal play is an absolute must if you want your partner to have a good time. Cover their asshole, your dick, and/or any toys you plan to put inside them with enough lube to ensure a silky, slick feeling.
Also, be sure to pick up a silicone or oil-based lube so you won't have to pause to reapply too often. Water-based lubes tend to dry out more quickly, making them less ideal for anal sex.
Stretch Your Partner With Fingers and/or Toys
Have your partner lie on their side or stomach and drench one of your fingers in lube. Then, slowly and gently press it into your partner's ass, giving them time to adjust to the feeling of being penetrated in a place that's not specifically designed for it. (And don't forget to clip your nails first!)
You can also start with sex toys that aren't too wide in diameter, like small butt plugs and/or dildos. I specifically recommend:
- Anal plug training kits that come with a variety of different sizes. You can start your partner off with the smallest size and work your way to the bigger ones once they're feeling comfortable.
- A vibrating dildo or anal plug to help massage your partner's opening and provide amazing stimulation.
- An inflatable butt plug, which you can gradually pump with air and expand while it's inside your partner, meaning you won't have to keep inserting and taking things out of their anus while warming them up. This can make for a more relaxing experience.
Read: 10 Kick-Ass Butt Plugs for Anal Play Beginners
Provide Excellent Foreplay
Of course, slowly teasing open your partner is foreplay in itself, but there are other steps you can simultaneously take to add eroticism to your pre-anal sex ministrations. Start to stroke their clit or cock, kiss their skin, blindfold them, or do whatever else they might find enjoyable but not overwhelming. If they're properly aroused, it'll feel much better (and hopefully AMAZING) when you finally insert your actual penis or a strap-on inside them.
Enter Your Partner SLOWLY
The two scariest points of anal for receivers are usually the moments of penetration and removal. You can help your partner relax by taking these moments at a snail's pace and using lots of lube.
Don't continue pushing during initial penetration until your partner can accept your size without discomfort. If your partner feels pain, they're at risk of injury.
Once the head of your penis or toy comfortably makes it past the ring of muscle that makes up the external sphincter, you should be good to continue.
Help Ease Any Worries They Have
As a receiver, I always used to get way too caught up in worries about poop to enjoy myself. My porny play partner of times past helped me chill out by talking me through this.
"I feel like I have to shit."
"Yeah, but you don't actually have to. We cleaned you out completely. There's nothing inside you."
"... Still feels like it."