On that note, though, the included patterns are kinda neat. You don't just have the standard bzzt-bzzt patterns that most manufacturers include as "patterns". Between the rotations and the vibrations, the patterns on the FemmeFunn rotating silicone dildo really mix things up nicely.
1: Slowest rotations - steady vibes
2: Medium rotations - steady vibes
3: Fastest rotations - steady vibes
4: Rotations with dot-dot-dot-dot-dot vibrations
5: Jerky-ish rotations with dot-dot-dash vibrations
6: Slow rotations with dot-dot-dot-dot-dot that then transitions into steady vibrations and fastest rotations
7: Slowest rotations for a bit then medium rotations for a bit
8: Fastest rotations for five pulses and a pause - then slow rotations down to none - then repeat
Then you have the turbo button which includes the extremely high-powered vibrations and ridiculously wild rotations. Then the vibrator will go back to whatever pattern you were on (1-8) again. The Turbo mode is much, much stronger than anything else this rotating dildo offers; even the strongest standard setting is no match for the Turbo mode.
I'd have to guess the Turbo is a temporary (10 second) setting because it's too taxing on the mechanical parts to be a constant setting - otherwise, it's kinda odd that it isn't a constant setting. You can keep pressing the Turbo button as much as you want (if you need it), but it definitely seems to be designed for a temporary, 10 second boost of intensity. And for that, it really works. If I'm having problems getting over the edge, that's pretty much a guarantee to get me there. (Now I'm really imagining an air suction vibrator with something similar. That sounds glorious.)
Something about realistic designs on dildos makes me assume they'll be really plushy and semi lifelike. In most cases, that's entirely the case - especially because most dildos don't have any internal parts that need to be stuffed inside the dildo. That isn't the case with the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft, though. Since the dildo is stuffed full of all sorts of mechanical things (vibrations AND rotation mechanics), the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is a little more firm than expected where it counts - during insertion.
With your fingers, the Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is actually a bit plushy. You can easily squeeze it between your fingers, and it has a lot of give. It won't bend - at all - but the outer layer of softer material will squish around your fingers.
This rigid design has some benefits and some downsides. The biggest downside is that, well, it's rigid. It feels more rigid than pretty much all of my realistic dildos - but it's still not as rigid as anything like the We-Vibe Rave or Satisfyer Multifun 3. It has a lot more plushiness than that, but something about realistic-looking toys being so rigid is always slightly off-kilter for me.
The biggest benefit of this rigidity is that the dildo slides in really nicely - and it doesn't slide back out accidentally. Unlike a lot of the realistic dildos that can "fold in" on themselves when under pressure, the Wireless Turbo Shaft doesn't do that at all. It stands strong - no matter where you're inserting it. This is especially helpful for strap-on harness use where you may not have sensation (or a visual) on what you're doing with the dildo. You pretty much point it into place, start applying pressure, and it's definitely going to go in the hole. It won't bend or slide away from the spot as pressure is applied. It's easily a one-handed insertion. No need to support the length or guide it into place. And that is definitely an awesome bonus for pegging.
True, you can hold it in your hand - the suction cup base makes that easy. But where the Wireless Turbo Shaft really excels? Strap-on harness use. The harness-compatible base, body-safe material, AND the fact it offers rotations and easy-penetration means there is pretty much nothing else like it in the sex toy sphere. While the other Vortex toys can be strapped on, they're a bit harder to strap-on whereas the Wireless Turbo Shaft's lack of testicles and extra arm attachments makes it slide into a harness easily.
How Else Could It Be Used?
The Wireless Turbo Shaft is also fully waterproof. This means it can come into the shower with you - and can function with its suction cup in the shower during use too. It also means that the Wireless Turbo Shaft Vortex dildo is also very squirter-friendly. You're unlikely to harm it with bodily fluids in any manner - though you might want something like the Liberator Fascinator Throw to help protect the bedding.
If you're not into using the suction cup or want a bit more "reliability" with something that's not dependent on suction, the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft (and its testicularly-enhanced counterpart) are perfect for use with Liberator sex furniture like the Liberator BonBon. They can slide inside the shape to easily be held in place without worrying about the suction cup's power.
The FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft was clearly modeled after a biological penis. It's a little bit more of a caricature of a human penis - since I don't think I've ever seen so many seriously pronounced veins with sunken skin around them on a penis ...ever. So, I'd say "inspired by" a biological penis more-so than necessarily being entirely realistic.
Adding to this "realistic" design is the material choice for the Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft. The silicone is decently plushy. While you can't escape the reality of a semi-rigid lower-half of the dildo where the mechanical areas are located, FemmeFunn tried their best to ensure the part that might be most-likely to poke into you (the tip) was designed with more plushiness. The tip is very plushy while the upper half of the dildo has enough plushiness to be squeezed. The bottom half of the shaft is definitely the most rigid without much plush to speak of. You can literally squeeze the middle of the dildo and feel exactly where the rotating tip begins and the mechanics end - there's an area of super-soft material.
Attached to the base of this realistic dildo is the suction cup base. This suction cup base is a flared base in addition to, well, being a suction cup. The suction cup aspect allows you to stick it to flat surfaces for hands-free play while the flared base design allows it to easily strap into a strapon harness. This suction cup works fantastically, honestly, and I've suctioned it to tables, the tiled shower wall, and even my laptop during this review (for a hilarious video I sent to a friend. The rotation was intense enough on Turbo that it was moving my entire laptop.)
Since the suction cup design is "hollow" underneath it (to make the suction cup), I wouldn't necessarily recommend the Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft as a great dildo base that will provide clitoral sensations to grind against when using it for pegging. Since the base is concave, the grinding areas are pretty absent (and this is a toy where you'd definitely want to use the BumpHer or Shagger pegging base if hoping for clitoral sensations during pegging).
Despite rotating and vibrating, the FemmeFunn Vortex rotating dildo isn't particularly loud. It's (obviously) loudest on the Turbo setting, but it's still a gentle hum when inserted. It's a sound that easily fades into the background, and you might forget that you're hearing it at all. It isn't whining or grating. Even if the motor catches, it doesn't make a grinding noise or anything. It's surprisingly quiet in the scheme of things, and I have non-rotating toys that are much louder than this. With the door shut and a bit of ambient music/television on, this is easily discreet.
As mentioned above, the vibrations and the rotations move together. There is no way to control each individually; you just get the eight patterns (plus turbo mode) that are programmed into the FemmeFunn Vortex rotating dildo.
The rotations, as mentioned above, are surprisingly sturdy. While you can jam them up on the lowest settings with specific placement of the dildo, moving the dildo around usually unjams it, and the stronger settings don't really get jammed at all.
While the rotations are very much centered on the top-half of the dildo, you do get a bit of movement near the base as well. It's mostly just from the momentum of the top half, and you likely won't see much of it during use, but you can see what I'm talking about on some of the GIFs. Expect the rotations to focus on the top 3.5"-ish inches of the dildo near the tip.
The vibrations are really not as powerful as most vibrators - but you presumably didn't pick up the FemmeFunn Vortex on vibrations alone. The vibrations seem like they're designed as a complement to the rotations rather than a shining star on their own. Vibrations seem to be centered about 3" from the tip of the dildo - around that area underneath the faux folds of skin near the head and right inside of the base of the rotating tip. The vibrations are pretty middle-of-the-road vibrations, and if they were unpartnered with the rotations and the insertable-design of this toy, I'd say that they probably aren't strong enough for most people to achieve clitoral orgasms with them. Since they're inside of a rotating toy designed for penetration, that's not nearly as important.
What's most important is the placement of the vibrations, and since the vibrations are focused on the rotating tip of the dildo, you get vibrations right in the spot that is experiencing the most sensation. The vibrations travel throughout the dildo, and while they're much weaker at the base, they're still about 80% as powerful throughout the rest of the shaft.
FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Shaft Measurements
Diameter at the Tip: 1.43"
Circumference at the Tip: 4.5"
Diameter at the Base: 1.9"
Circumference at the Base: 6"
Insertable Length: 7.25"
How It Works
The FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is a bit different from standard dildos or vibrators. Instead of just vibrating (or doing nothing at all like a traditional dildo!), FemmeFunn Vortex body safe sex toys rotate AND vibrate.
To control these sensations, you have two options: the remote control or the buttons built into the shaft of the Wireless Turbo Shaft.
The remote control offers two buttons. The top-most button functions as the "Boost Button" - the button that you press to make the toy instantly switch onto its highest rotation and vibration setting. The bottom-most button is the On/Off/Adjust Modes Button - which lets you turn the vibrating dildo on or off - or adjust the current pleasure setting.
However, if you want to control the rotating and vibrating dildo manually, you can do that too. There are two buttons on the shaft of the Wireless Turbo Shaft - just like the remote. Closest to the button you find the power button - just like on the remote. Closer to the tip, located above the power button, you'll find another Boost button - ready to provide instant intensity.
This is where FemmeFunn went for pleasure over functionality. The two buttons on the shaft of the Wireless Turbo Shaft are REALLY in there. Essentially, it looks like FemmeFunn wanted to prioritize having a super-squishy, super-soft sensation throughout the entirety of the dildo - all the way, as much as possible, to the base. So this means that the control buttons - which are not below the base - are hidden underneath what feels like a good half-inch of squish-to-press material. This means pressing these buttons isn't the easiest feat in the world. It isn't necessarily taxing on the finger (looking at you, Thump-It plug!), but it's just hard to get the exact spot where the button is located - especially if your fingers or the toy were lubed because the buttons are located within the insertable area.
With that in mind, the manufacturer did design this as a remote controlled vibrating dildo, so I recommend using the remote control where possible.
To turn on the FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Shaft, just press and hold the on/off button for 3 seconds. (The same press will turn off the vibrator). Once the vibrator is on, just single press the on/off button in order to cycle through the available vibration options. If you want to access the most-powerful sensations the Vortex dildo has to offer, just press down the "Boost" button - and the vibrator will stay in Boost mode for ten seconds before resuming the mode it was on before you pressed "Boost".
The button combinations are the same on the remote as on the vibrating dildo, so it's easy to swap back and forth.
Materials and Care
All too often, rotating-head dildos like this are made from materials that are unsafe for bodies, but that isn't the case with the Wireless Turbo Shaft. It's made from the same premium, body-safe silicone that all other FemmeFunn sex toys are made from. This makes it odorless and tasteless - and safe for use on your body! (Heck yeah!)
When you use lube (and I definitely recommend lube!), you'll want to use a water-based lube. Silicone-based lubes can degrade the silicone material of the dildo, but if you're set on a silicone-based lube, make sure you do a spot test on the base of the dildo.
With a waterproof design, this FemmeFunn rotating dildo is actually pretty simple to clean. You just need warm water and a mild, silicone-safe soap (most mild hand soaps work fine). Rinse it, remove all particulate, then scrub it with the soap. Since the Wireless Turbo Shaft is particularly textured, make sure you really get into the nooks and crannies of the toy - the "skin" folding near the head really requires some good attention to make sure you get it thoroughly cleaned. If you're a lazy ass like me, you can also cover the Wireless Turbo Shaft with any standard condoms. You'll still want to clean it when you're done, but you won't need to worry about being nearly as thorough.
After this FemmeFunn Vortex toy is fully dried, you can charge it. Charging is pretty simple. Step 1 is just making sure that the Vortex dildo is fully dried. Since the charging port is located in an insertable area, you need to have it all cleaned and dried before you charge it.
From there, you plug the charging cable into the dildo or the remote. Yeah, that's right - the remote control is rechargeable as well. (Yay!) While the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft doesn't allow you to charge both the remote control and the dildo simultaneously (like the OhMiBod Club Vibe 3 Oh Hero), they can both be charged with this single cord.
Just plug the cord into the remote or the dildo, and the light will begin flashing (for either of them). When the light glows constant, that means that the remote/Turbo Shaft is done charging, and you can remove it. FemmeFunn says that the charging time is going to be about 2 hours.
FemmeFunn is very explicit about it; you need to unplug the remote and dildo when they're done charging. This is not a sex toy you should leave on the charger until you happen to pass it by and remember it's charging. I would guess that the battery they've used can suffer damage if it constantly overcharges. So let the FemmeFunn rotating dildo charge - but set an alarm for two hours and make a point to unplug it as soon as the two hours are up.
After you're done, you can store your dildo. My minor complaint about the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is that it doesn't return to an upright position when turned off. This means that it's usually veering off to one side or another: however it was rotating when it was turned off. This wouldn't necessarily be a huge deal in a storage pouch, but since the FemmeFunn vibrator doesn't come with a storage pouch (and instead comes with the box with a fitted tray designed for a perfectly straight-up dildo!), getting this toy back into the box is a frustrating experience I dislike. It will never go back in perfectly ever again, and I can not believe how much that annoys me.
If anything were to happen to your Vortex from FemmeFunn sex toy, the manufacturer does offer a one-year manufacturer's warranty. This one-year warranty requires your name and proof of purchase of your vibrating dildo - so make sure to keep your email receipt from Kinkly Shop. You will be responsible for charges for shipping the item back to FemmeFunn, and if found defective through defects in material or workmanship, you'll receive a replacement item.
The FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Shaft dildo comes in a very sturdy, full-color cardboard box. This box is really thick and does a great job getting the vibrating dildo to you safely. It's a surprisingly high-quality box for a sex toy; the "toy" itself imprinted on the box has a laminated, shiny quality compared to the rest of the super-smooth, matte feel of the cardboard. Simple to say, the box can be wrapped up easily, and it's sturdy enough to easily be used for storage and stack tons of boxes on top of it. It isn't, however, discreet in the slightest (with a giant picture of the dildo on the front), so keep that in mind.
Inside the box, you'll find all of the items sitting inside of a foam cut-out tray that was specifically designed for their shape.
The FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Shaft vibrating dildo box includes the dildo itself, the remote, a quick-start user guide, and the charging cable.
The Verdict: 5/5
The FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is a fun throwback to the "olden" days of sex toys where shaft rotations were all the rage - only it includes all the upgrades you wish there had been back then. The shaft rarely jams up, the material is fully body-safe, the Turbo mode is WOAH, it includes a suction cup base, it's all remote-controlled, AND it comes with a one-year warranty in case something goes wrong with the internal mechanics. You won't be left like a dud which (regularly) used to happen ten years ago.
While I wish the shaft material had a bit more plushiness to it, it has a decent amount - and I have a love/hate relationship with the extra-long length. It isn't comfortable for bottoming out (for me), but OhNuts quickly solve that. And when I strap it on for others, I really appreciate the longer length to help the dildo make it to where I want it to go.
I would have loved a way to use the rotations and the vibrations separately, but the included patterns aren't just boring, blech options - they're actually pretty fun and a nice breath of fresh air compared to most sex toy patterns.
All-in-all, my complaints are minor - and the only complaint that isn't a personal preference issue is the inability to separate vibrations and rotations. I think FemmeFunn really nailed it with this one - paying homage to a classic design but updating it to be a stand-out option for 2021. I can't find any reason to buy a substandard swirling dildo - especially when the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is available at the price it is.
How to Buy a Dildo
Presumably, if you're checking out the FemmeFunn Vortex dildo and you've made it this far, you might be in the market for a dildo. Props to you - dildos are freakin' awesome, and silicone dildos have really upped the game in terms of realistic-feeling dildos.
Some tips I'd recommend when looking to purchase a dildo:
- Very importantly, know the size that you're looking for. Dildos come in a wide variety of sizes from the thickness of your finger all the way up to size of your forearm. Make sure you know what size is comfortable for you. The best way to manage this is just through measuring your previous dildo - and knowing what length and diameter it is. If you haven't used a dildo before, measure the fingers you usually like to use. If you don't currently use your fingers for penetration, I recommend a dildo in the 1.25" diameter range as an absolute starter beginner for vaginal peeps and for anal peeps, in the 1"-or-slightly-above range.
- Pay attention to material options. Always go with non-porous whenever possible - and phthalate-free and body-safe at a minimum. With the cheaper prices of silicone nowadays, you can get basic silicone dildos (super body safe!) at less than $50. I recommend you do that if at all possible - or at least shop a body-safe sex toy store like Kinkly Shop that's only going to offer options that are as body-safe as possible for you. Some dildo materials really don't belong inside your body.
- Know the base design you want. Know what you want to use the dildo for - and get a base that matches. If you want to add the dildo into a strapon harness down the line, it needs a flared base. If you want to use it for anal - it needs a flared base. If you're hoping for hands-free use, you probably want a suction cup dildo. If you'd rather have two sensations in one, some double-ended dildos (like the Spiral Staircase) can be a better fit than necessarily getting a flared base.
There are some really fantastic articles on how to choose a dildo here on Kinkly Shop that I'd always recommend reading.
If you're after body-safe, rotating-tip sex toys that also vibrate, there aren't a whole lot out there. There's definitely a market for these rotating sex toys - but the vast majority of them are made from concerning, porous materials - some including phthalates. Some companies make their rotating dildos with swirling beads; you might have seen that "iconic" design. Unfortunately, beads jam up - really easily - so your "swirling dildo" turns into a grinding, screeching dildo real quick.
However, FemmeFunn does have another toy that features this swirling-tip pleasure. You can consider it the rabbit-vibrator, non-realistic version of the rabbit-style option of the Vortex series (the Wireless Turbo Rabbit) - it's the FemmeFunn Booster Rabbit. This rabbit-style vibrator features the same "vortex" tip that the Vortex line does - but it's in a playful, non-realistic color with a slightly different design. Both toys feature the same "Turbo" functionality you've come to know and love (through this review, I hope!).
If you're really into the highly-textured design of the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft, I'd instead point you towards the Evolved Big Shot. It has the super-textured, hyper-realistic design that the FemmeFunn Vortex dildos do - but without the rotating head. Instead, the Big Shot is noticeably thicker - but it's also equipped with liquid ejaculation functionality in addition to its vibrations, good for fans of a cum dildo.
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