Handcuffs Sex Position

To get into the Handcuffs sex position, the dominant/giving partner stands close behind the submissive/receiving partner. The receiving partner bends over at the waist and puts their hands behind their back, so the partner can hold them at the wrist. We recognize that the actions of standing as the dominant partner and receiving as the submissive partner may be wholly inaccessible to some people as a result of disability or chronic illnesses.

Holding by the wrist (or hand, if that is more comfortable) provides support during thrusting and mimics handcuffs, giving the position its name. The giver is also in total control of their “prisoner” from this point on. From this position, the giver can enter—either vaginally or anally—and thrust as deeply and as rapidly as they like. This position may also be difficult to achieve if the giver is unable to thrust or move their body in a way that facilitates thrusting.

Leaning forwards or backward will change the angle of thrusting, or the giver may stop thrusting entirely as they see fit. While the receiver can say what they like or give instructions, they are really at their partner's mercy.

It’s a good idea to agree on a safe word before having sex in the Handcuffs sex position, so the submissive person can stop the play if it’s painful or not enjoyable. It is also a good idea to talk about access needs, pain levels, and ability levels with both parties before trying this position. Leaning forward for extended periods of time can be really painful for partners with various disabilities, and this could hurt their bodies in the long term.

READ: Bondage and Disability: Working Around Abilities in Play

Note that this is not an anal sex position for people new to anal play, as the person being anally penetrated does not have any control over the thrusting. While it can be a hot position for anal sex, you should be familiar with anal sex before attempting it in this position.

The Handcuffs sex position is a great position for reinforcing dominant and submissive roles in a BDSM relationship, but we recognize that there are other ways to achieve that if one cannot physically (using agreed-upon language and accessible actions). If one partner enjoys dominating their partner or loves being submissive, even if this isn’t traditionally their role within a relationship, they’ll also enjoy this position.

Many givers also enjoy it because it allows them to watch themselves thrusting into their partner. It allows for deep penetration and the intense sensations that come along with it. If you are unable to physically thrust, you may ask your partner to take some control here and back their ass up into you. Again, this would require a conversation about access prior to the action beginning.

The Handcuffs sex position doesn’t really allow for any clitoral stimulation or good opportunities to perform a reacharound on the receiving partner though unless the giver can manage to hold both of their partner’s hands with one hand and use the other to manually stimulate them.

The Handcuffs sex position is not very difficult for couples to get into or enjoy sexual pleasure in, but this may look and feel different depending on you and your partners’ ability level and/or disability. You can do it virtually anywhere you have standing room from a large bedroom to inside a cramped bathroom.

For a variation, try this position while you’re both on your knees.