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Tease and Denial

Updated: MAY 19, 2021
Reviewed by Dr. Sunny Rodgers
on May 18, 2021

Tease and Denial is the sexual technique of bringing your partner close to orgasm and then stopping or reducing stimulation to prevent that orgasm from occurring.

There are various ways to incorporate this technique into many different sexual practices. Stimulation can happen to any part of the body that provides your partner pleasure, but most often it is centered on genital stimulation so that orgasm is a distinct possibility.

Tease and Denial techniques can be incorporated into manual stimulation (hand jobs and fingering), oral stimulation (fellatio and cunnilingus), as well as vaginal and anal penetration. Because tease and denial is situational and dependent on personal sexual interests, these techniques can be used by people of any gender or sexual orientation.

For some, the appeal of tease and denial is prolonging pleasure for your partner, as well as incorporating edging into your play. The longer they can be held back from orgasm, the more intense that orgasm might be—both physically and psychologically. Their need and craving for release will grow and grow until they are permitted to reach climax. Generally, tease and denial will play out over an extended period of time, whereas if it is over a matter of hours it is referred to as "edging."

For people with penises, prolonged teasing and denial of orgasm, coupled with allowing the penis to become flaccid and then become erect over and over again, can sometimes cause a greater amount of cum to be ejaculated once orgasm is allowed.

The word "allowed" is often significant when discussing tease and denial techniques because it is a popular addition to different types of BDSM scenes. A Dominant can incorporate physical tease and denial techniques with other practices, such as humiliation, scolding, bondage, and impact play to further intensify a scene.

An added element to BDSM-related tease and denial is what happens if the submissive does begin to orgasm—accidentally or willingly. In these cases, the Dominant may choose to stop stimulation at a crucial point, resulting in a ruined orgasm and potentially some form of punishment that has been negotiated and agreed to in advance.

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More About Tease and Denial

The idea of teasing has long been associated with sexy-time play. But denial? That seems like a cruel thing to do to yourself or your partner. Why would someone want to deny the pleasure we experience with orgasm? Why, for the same reason we do most sexual things—increased sexual pleasure!

In some instances, orgasm denial is just that: no orgasm will be had. In some cases there will be stimulation that is stopped, but in other scenes, such as chastity situations, physical stimulation might not even be present. But whether fun touch is happening or not, the very thought of tease and denial is, in and of itself, a pleasure. Much of our pleasure might lie in the actual stimulation of our bodies, but there is still a significant aspect that is all in our heads and hearts.

Tease and denial can also be a way to improve sexual stamina, particularly for people with penises, and can be incorporated into masturbation or practiced with a partner.

In solo action, you can learn your body’s triggers for pleasure. When you begin to near those hotspots, you can cease or slow masturbation to try and regain control of your pleasure to a point you are happy with your ability to delay orgasm.

This same denial concept can be used by a partner to learn those triggers and to help you work around situations where your pleasure might cause a premature end to your coupled sexual adventure.

Another great way to incorporate tease and denial into solo or coupled sex is through using sex toys. Adding a vibrator, penis sleeve, or other toys can provide differing types of stimulation that can be switched up from time to time as an orgasm nears. The person will develop a pleasure groove with a toy or tongue (for example) and a sudden change will require them to shift how they are receiving pleasure.

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