Am I too old to be kinky?

Molly Moore
Profile Picture of Molly Moore Molly Moore is a writer, blogger, photographer and public speaker and whilst juggling all this she is also a mother and wife. She lives in the U.K. with her husband, whom she had especially imported from the United States, in a full time D/s relationship. She is the writer of the award winning sex blog Molly's Daily Kiss.  Full Bio
Q:I am a 52-year-old woman. I am recently divorced after a 25-year marriage. A friend of mine gave me an erotic novel as a joke gift. I read it and found myself really turned on by many of the bondage and spanking scenes. I started looking around the Internet and found FetLife. Oh, that was an eye opener! I've joined some of my local groups. I've been tempted to attend one of the social events, but to be honest, I am utterly terrified that everyone will be young and think that I am too old for the lifestyle.
A: This is a really great question and one that I think reflects the societal message that we are constantly fed by mainstream society that sex and sexual exploration is the stuff of our youth. We are bombarded with marketing that is centered around youth and told that youthful looks are something we should all strive to achieve. It perpetuates the myth that only youth is sexy and desirable. Clearly, youth can be attractive. However, sexiness and desirability are, for most people, about a great deal more than just the way someone looks.

So, are you too old to start exploring your kink? The short answer is absolutely not.

I cannot speak for your local community, but based on my experience of the wider fetish community and my local community, I would say that the average age of people overall tends toward being more mature. I think this reflects the fact that for many people, discovering your kink often goes hand-in-hand with major life changes (such as divorce) and also often seems to be connected to a person's increasing confidence with who they are as they get older.

If I use the our local munch that I run as an example, I can tell you that the age range of people attending is 18 right up to people in their 70s. The same can be said for the wider kink community that I know through blogging. Having said that, it does depend on the event as there are some events that tend to attract a younger crowd than others; it's not that older people are not welcomed, but maybe the style of the event caters more to what younger kinksters enjoy such as more club-like events with a DJ and music. That is a generalization and there is plenty of cross over with events.

My advice is try to find the event listings for the things in your local area that you might enjoy. Have a look through the guest list. You might be surprised by what you find. Many people conceal their age on Fetlife for a variety of different reasons. It might not give you the most accurate picture. I would also recommend connecting with the person who runs the event. It is perfectly acceptable to ask them more about what their event is like and the kind of people who tend to go along to it. Regardless of age, you will find that some events suit you more than others. I would encourage you to explore and try things out. Never ever let your age stop you from being who you are.

You have discovered something exciting and new about yourself. That is a wonderful thing. There are many people who never make the initial discovery let alone go on to explore it. For what it's worth, I was in my late 30s when I realized I was kinky. Within my local community there are many women in their 50s who are having a wonderful time exploring their kinks. It doesn't matter if their kinks are new or life-long, they are having a fabulous time regardless of their age. Actually, they may even be having a better time because of it. After all, with age comes self awareness. Self awareness and kink are very happy bed-fellows!

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