Aging and sex

A Guide to Vibrators for Women Over 50

Published: MARCH 24, 2022 | Updated: JULY 21, 2022
Want to know about sex toy and vibrators for women over 50?  Knowing what kind of touch or sensation feels good is vital information to becoming more attuned to one’s pleasure centers and the right sex toy is the key! 

If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then a well-chosen vibrator is the over-50’s best friend. Instrument of pleasure, aid to penetration, targeted focus on your erotic zones, sexual health tool. That’s a lot to expect out of a vibrator, right?


A well designed sex toy, like those from luxury toy manufacturer LELO, will fit the curves of our bodies, help you focus on the clitoris and give it wonderful sensations, or use in the vagina where it can stimulate nerves ending and bring needed blood flow to our delicate tissues.

Vibrators can be also used by partners during sex to give us added pleasure. And for those who don’t orgasm spontaneously during penetrative sex—that would be most of us—a sex toy provides additional stimulation.

Orgasms, or feelings of arousal give us a sense of satisfaction and well-being, whether you're having partnered or solo sex. Sexual activity stimulates hormones, specifically the production of oxytocin, the “feel good" hormone.


And, the process of arousal brings additional blood flow to genitals, facilitating the repair and nourishment of vaginal tissues, which helps to decrease or prevent vaginal atrophy. Additionally sexual activity is another way to exercise pelvic floor muscles, which strengthen the bladder muscles.

There’s nothing negative one can say about having a favorite sex toy or two at your disposal. Need a midday pick me up? I can’t think of anything more fun than a quick bit of self-pleasuring—grab that vibrator and let yourself be emerged in pleasure—it gives me a surge of creativity. Want to discover where your erogenous zones are? Pick up a vibrator and explore. Want a stronger orgasm during penetrative sex? Add a little vibrator to the clitoral area.

In choosing a sex toy, you can select one designed for insertion, like the g-spot stimulators from LELO, or clitoral vibrators which are made for external stimulation. There are large vibrators and tiny ones. There are lots of options depending on what you desire.


If you're interested in trying out a vibrator but aren't sure where to start, you've come to the right place!

Benefits of Using a Vibrator

LELO Sila LELO SIila clitoral stimulatorThe LELO SIila clitoral stimulator has a wide, easy to hold base.

Pleasure Without Penetration

For someone with a vulva, pleasure typically originates from the clitoris, not the vagina. A vibrator or sex toy allows you to feel pleasure, or to orgasm, without vaginal penetration—a plus for people who have issues with dryness or pain during intercourse. And a definite plus for people who aren’t in relationships. It’s also a useful tool for couples if erectile issues are present. More designers are realizing that penis-owners enjoy and benefit from vibrators too!


Making Pain-Free Penetration Possible

If penetrative sex has become painful, or you’re worried that it might be, you can experiment with a slender vibrator, to see what feels right. From there you can move to larger vibrators as desired if you want to stretch the vaginal opening a bit. Exploring penetration, via a vibrator, gives you the confidence to see how it feels, what tempo works for you and whether you want to try penetration at some future point. Note: This might be a conversation to have with a midlife gynecologist.

Ina Wave rabbit vibratorThe Ina Wave features a "come hither" motion to stroke your g-spot

More Orgasmic Intercourse

For those who need extra attention to the clitoris in order to climax, a vibrator can be used during intercourse to provide the stimulation necessary for orgasm. There are small vibrators designed for the clitoris and other, smaller, less specialized vibrators that can be easily used as well.


Adaptive Toys

Vibrators are more sophisticated these days. There are cordless vibrators allowing for use anywhere, and toys with ergonomically designed shapes. Newer vibrators are lighter in weight and easier for arthritic hands to grasp and use.

Sex toy designers like LELO, are focusing on an older clientele and making toys that suit their needs.

The Discovery of New Erotic Zones

Using a vibrator, you can explore the clitoris and vulvar areas to find your erotic spots. If you’re not sure what turns you on, a vibrator allows you to explore and see what feels good. Do you like hard touch, or soft? Do you want a faster vibration or do you prefer slow? Do you like having your clitoris stroked? Or do you prefer sensation centered on some other area of your vulva? Knowing what kind of touch or sensation you prefer is vital information for you and a partner. We can’t really help our lovers satisfy us if we’re not sure ourselves what turns us on.


Ina 3 rabbit vibrator from LELOThe easy to use Ina 3 rabbit vibrator from LELO offers g-spot and clitoral stimulation

New to Sex Toys? Must-Know Info

If you’re new to vibrators there are a few things you must know in order to make the most of your experience:

  • The clitoris can be very sensitive to touch and easily overstimulated, even painful upon direct exposure. So, start with a light touch, low vibration setting, and focus on areas above and around the clitoris initially. An air suction vibrator might be a good choice for you. As you learn what you like, you can experiment with pressure and intensity, or introduce a vibrator like the Ina 3 rabbit vibrator that has internal and external stimulation. Many vibrators have multiple settings, for intensity and rhythm.

    Read: 7 Masturbation TIps for People with Very Sensitive Clits

  • Use a lubricant. Even if you don’t think you need it, use one. It allows fingers and toys to glide along, rather than tug at the skin. Friction on delicate tissues can distract from pleasurable sensations. Certain silicone lubricants can’t be used with silicone products as they degrade each other. Buying a high quality lube designed to be used with toys can be your best bet.

    Read: How to Do a Lube Spot Test

  • Try not to focus on orgasms exclusively. If you get overly focused on “coming" you’re less likely to connect with your body’s sensations. The purpose of sexual pleasure is just that—to feel and explore the body’s capacity for pleasure. Too strong a focus on orgasms can lead to goal-oriented behavior, causing you to miss out on the overall sensuousness of sexual touch and play.

    Read: Mastering the Sensual Basics

  • Sex toys are great and can enhance sex, but don’t depend solely on one vibrator used in exactly one way. Explore, add variety. Add fingers. Touch yourself, reach out to your partner and invite them to watch and join in. You will enhance your capacity to become aroused by learning your erotic zones and by self-pleasuring more frequently.

Remember, you are never too old to enjoy your body. Never too old to treat yourself to a luxury sex toy. Never too old for a little sexual thrill.

To learn more about vibrators, you can read my Q&A About Vibrators and explore the Vibrators section here on Kinkly.

Walker Thornton

Walker Thornton is a 61-year-old sex writer, educator and public speaker. She has ranked in the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes for the last three years. Walker has spoken at national sexuality conferences, speaking on midlife sexuality. She is a member of the Leadership Committee of the Sexuality and Aging Consortium at Widener University. Walker writes for Midlife Boulevard, Senior Planet and other websites and online magazines. You can connect with her on Facebook...

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