Can this strap-on loving lesbian learn to compromise?

The SexSmith
Profile Picture of The SexSmith Got kink? The SexSmith writes a blog about sex and relationships based on letters written to Dear SexSmith. Each response is crafted with humor and genuine care. Get the advice you need to keep your sex life sizzling.  Full Bio
Q:

My girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year. I truly love her, but we have a major problem. I’m really into wearing a strap-on, especially when we're having sex, but other times, too. My girlfriend seems bored of it, and does not really understand the connection I feel with it. I'm worried that this could break us up; she doesn't get it, so I'm left hanging.

A:

You raise large issues in a short space. You write that you love your girl, and so want to find a solution. If it is your sincere desire to stay together, this relationship might be righted with some communication, and with your own willingness to compromise.

First, rule out practical concerns; make sure you are not simply torturing your sweet li’l thing with a dildo too large for her to handle. You (and even your girl) might not realize that even slight discomfort makes sex much less enjoyable, even tiresome. On the other hand, your jolly roger just may not be to your girlfriend's taste: It could be too small (boring), short but too wide (ouch), or too narrow (did I mention boring?) Just ask your lady if she’d like to go shopping with you to pick out a new toy that works for both of you. Who knows what else you two might stumble upon … like a great way to start talking about your sex life together, if you're shy to start. (Don’t forget the good lubricant at the check-out, in case you missed it the first time around.)

The larger problem you write of is where the fine - and too often fabled - art of compromise comes in. Compromise can be a tall order for a strapped up lez, at times, so listen deep: Your girlfriend just isn't that into it.

Time for a little pillow talk. Calmly tell your lady love the depth of your need. Describe how you feel when you are strapped, including when you are not having sex. Then, ask her what would help her get a little more into it. She may surprise you, but no matter what she says, you can bet this conversation will either strengthen your bond, or show you just how deep the divide between your little latex head and her big ol' human one really is.

Countless lesbians feel a deep, almost primal, connection to their strap-ons and/or what they do with them. That's a feeling their partners don't always share. The best you can do is find some middle ground in the bedroom.

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