Tired of the stereotypical trope of a mean dominatrix staring down at a man and calling him a worthless piece of junk? Well, you're not the only one. Born out of a group of people who were tired of FemDom relationships only being portrayed as cruel and humiliating, gentle FemDom (GFD) is a new type of kink that focuses on the "gentle" aspects of FemDom. Some people use this interchangeably with "female led relationship" kinks, but gentle FemDom tends to focus more on the intimate, gentle interactions than the household dynamics.

What Does GFD look like?

So what does that typically look like? For people into gentle FemDoms, expect to see the woman in charge, but in ways that a male is stereotypically in charge and expected to behave. For example, she acts as the supportive partner during problems, or she's the "giver" of cuddles instead of just the "receiver." She's very complimentary, and she'll give out adorable pet names to her submissive partner. She'll treat him with love and care, but she'll also take charge during sexual encounters and push him around, softly, to where she wants him. Most gentle FemDom porn portrays the woman as having a healthy and active sex drive and softly “demanding” her male partner meet her sexual needs as well.

For many submissives in this type of dynamic, there are a few important aspects: the love, the control and the vulnerability. Many submissives relish the feeling of being able to be the submissive, vulnerable partner, the one who's still loved and cherished despite not being the "alpha male" that society expects. Being able to let out their soft, gentle side and not worry about being judged or disliked is a large aspect of the appeal of gentle FemDom.

Making Gentle FemDom Work in Your Relationship

To "succeed" at gentle FemDom, you'll want to work within those things. Give lots of compliments. Be comfortable with being the partner who initiates things - including just plain, old cuddles. Consider coming up with a favorite pet name for your partner - and using it often. Allow your partner to be vulnerable and soft, and don't make fun of them for it. While many women aren't used to being the "leading" partner in a relationship, it doesn't have to be too difficult. In fact, gentle FemDom is probably the easiest type of FemDom relationship to jump into without any experience! It's based off of love and intimacy, things you likely already have within your relationship.

Even so, doing something new can still be scary. If you aren't familiar with being in charge, the idea of just suddenly trying to be the boss might also be terrifying. These simple scenarios will give you some ideas for flexing your GFD muscles without all the stress. Give a couple of these a try and see how they feel to you.

7 Gentle FemDom Scenes to Try

In most stereotypical gentle FemDom, the man is the submissive partner and the female is the dominant partner. While this isn't always the case (and there are plenty of lesbian gentle FemDom couples out there!), this article will use male/female pronouns for ease of reading. Feel free to mentally replace the pronouns with the genders that work best for you and your dynamic.

Be the Big Spoon

The easiest way to try your hand at gentle FemDom is entirely non-sexual. A lot of the male fantasy of GFD is the idea of having a woman who's willing and able to be in charge and let them be vulnerable and loved once in awhile. You can do this simply by being the "big spoon" in cuddling. Instead of putting your head on his lap, consider letting him put his head on your lap while you pet his hair and you both watch TV. Take initiative and say you want to cuddle him tonight and be the "big spoon" at bedtime. When you join him for some nice cuddling, tuck him into the crook of your arm and let him rest his head on your chest instead of the other way around.

Decide How He Undresses

Next up, you can try something a bit more forward. While simple, this can be a great way to be in charge in a low-pressure situation. Next time he's changing (whether for sex or just for bed), consider playfully hinting at the fact that you get to decide when and how he undresses. Then follow through. Tell him which piece of clothing he can remove - and how he can do it. "Slowly take off your pants," works wonders, as does, "Let me see how sexy you can take off your shirt." Expect a little bit of fun and giggles. That's part of the enjoyment. As he removes each article of clothing, try to find a genuine compliment to give him about the revealed part of his body such as, "Mmm. I love your hips," or "Your back definition is looking really hot today."

Be in Charge During Oral

Consider this the easiest sexual way to get into gentle FemDom. While many women have issues being the center of sexual attention, quite a few feel comfortable giving sexual pleasure - mostly because it's been the "expected" role for many of us growing up. Yet in this case, we're going to be giving your partner oral sex on your terms. That means do what you want. Still at a loss? OK, try this: Sit your partner down on the couch, and climb onto their lap. After a bit of teasing and grinding, make it clear you're in charge. Put his hands up behind his head, and tell him if he moves them without your permission, you'll instantly stop. Climb down his body, when you're ready, and take your time taking off his clothing. Stop, on occasion, for kisses onto his skin or just to pet the soft, exposed skin in various spots. Once you're ready, start your oral sex experience. Do what you want and don't be afraid to tease and edge him. Switch between your hands and your mouth and anything else as you'd like. This is all about doing what you want - not what you think he wants. That's an important mindset difference that will make this feel more like GFD.

And don't forget to pay attention to his hands! If you make a threat like that, you have to be serious about it. Whenever you're ready, you can allow him to orgasm. Or, if it works within your dynamic, don't allow one, just tease him mercilessly instead. The important part of this is your enjoyment; do what you'd like to him within the boundaries you've agreed to and try to clear your head of the constant worries of what he might like.

Receive Oral - but Still Be in Charge

Receiving oral sex doesn't have to be a passive experience. In fact, you can turn your pleasure into a good chance to play with the idea of GFD. Take charge during the experience. If that makes you nervous, you only have to do it in little ways. Drag his hand to where you want it. Interrupt him. Pull him up and give him a long, sultry kiss. Compliment his technique while you're receiving it. Consider adorable pet names like "good boy" or say teasingly erotic things like, "you look so good when you're between my legs where you belong." Don't be afraid to push the back of his head further into you - or pull it away when you just want to caress his face. Remember, the point here is to be gently and lovingly in charge.

Turn a Snuggle Session Sexual

In a lot of stereotypical dynamics, the man is expected to initiate the sex. Why don't you choose to take charge this time? Curl up with him on the bed and, instead of letting it stay cuddly, take it to the next level. While you're the big spoon, begin to nibble on the side of his neck, pressing your body up against his. Slide your hand down his torso, and don't be afraid to do what you want. Slip your hand up his shirt and gently tease the skin of his chest. Lightly and playfully tug on chest hairs if you'd like. Slide your hand down his pants and grasp between his legs if you'd like. The point is: you're initiating, and you're initiating in a way that feels comfortable, sexual and enjoyable for you. If you'd like to make it clear when you'd rather just lay back and receive again, try something like "My little pet better get up here and fuck me before I decide to get myself off instead."

Use a Vibrator on Him

While pegging and strap-ons are a huge kink in the gentle FemDom community, you may not want to go that far. If you want an easy way to ease into the idea of it, consider using a vibrator on your partner. It may come as a surprise, but vibrators can work great for penile orgasms too! If you have one of the stronger vibrators like the Magic Wand, it can be placed on the frenulum; many men enjoy this. Enjoy foreplay as usual - only don't be afraid to pull out your vibrator, tell him you want to use it on him, and go ahead and do just that. Maybe lay next to him, wrap a leg around his leg possessively as you use your vibrator between his thighs.

Be Complimentary After Regular Sex

You don't always have to take charge during all of your sex sessions. In fact, it can work just as well after a "he's-in-charge" moment. Instead of letting the moment drift by, consider curling him up to you and giving him compliments on how well he performed. Tell him how pleased you are, and tell him how much you enjoyed something he did. You might consider a statement such as, "that's the perfect use for my pet" or something similar.

Do Anything Your Heart Desires!

As you can see, the basis of gentle FemDom is just that: FemDom that's gentle. Anything that puts you in charge, while being soft and loving, is going to fall well-within the gentle FemDom category. So take what you like (within what your partner has consented to), be gentle and sexy about it, and enjoy embracing your gentle FemDom side!