BDSM 101

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Your Kink Isn't My Kink (but Your Kink Is OK)

In the kinky world of BDSM, you may see an extremely long, slightly strange acronym from time to time: YKINMKBYKIOK (or some variation). Looks crazy, doesn't it? It stands for a simple concept:

You kink isn't my kink, but your kink is OK.

Let me clarify by saying that this pre­supposes that none of the kinky activities are illegal, involve minors or animals, and that everyone involved consents.

An Open and Welcoming Community

This is the real world where not everyone likes everyone else for a variety of reasons.

Unfortunately, too many people dislike others because of their skin color, gender, sexuality, culture, and yes, even their kinks. Kinksters know what it feels like to hide their desires, worry about legal problems, and deal with rejection from friends and family. Because of this, the BDSM community, for the most part, is an open and accepting group. Even if we aren't into the same kinks, we know exactly how it feels to be kinky in a vanilla world.

That being said, in any group you will find people who don't always follow this idea of acceptance. Don't be one of those people. It's okay not to enjoy or even want certain fetishes and kinky play. It's okay to tell your partner that some forms of play are hard limits. It's never okay to judge someone because they play differently than you do.

Remember the Golden Rule

The best line I ever read about kink­shaming is pretty simple. "Don't yuck my yum." It’s like the golden rule for kinksters.


Remember, all that matters in BDSM is safety, consent, and communication. What happens between consenting adults is between them. Outside opinions are not needed or wanted. Feel free to express your dislike or discomfort for an act or a scene. That's your right. Don't attempt to make someone feel bad for enjoying something you find distasteful.

Think about this: as someone who is interested in exploring BDSM, you may find that friends and family wonder about your sanity, your morals, and your ethics because, unfortunately, kinksters are often looked upon as sexual deviants. Don’t treat a fellow kinkster the same way simply because they're into scat play, golden showers, or some other fetish or kink you don't like or understand. Treat others as you wish to be treated worked when you were younger, and it works now.

For the most part, people in the BDSM community will welcome you with open arms regardless of your personal kinks. Make sure you extend the same courtesy to others.



Written by Kayla Lords
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Professional writer, sex blogger, erotic author, sexual submissive, and kinkster, Kayla writes more than is probably healthy over at A Sexual Being and overshares about the kinky and mundane side of her BDSM relationship. Her mission: to make BDSM, specifically Dominance and submission, less scary, less weird, and much more real and attainable for anyone willing to learn more.

 

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