The term "long-distance" can be daunting in the context of an intimate relationship. Whether you and your lover are apart due to quarantine, travel restrictions, a business trip, or some other reason, you may worry it will negatively impact or even kill the relationship. This is an understandable concern. There really is no replacement for being in the same room with someone you fancy, able to reach out and share sensual touch.
The good news is twofold:
We have an incredible ability to adapt to challenging situations, particularly temporary ones. If you’re both committed to the task and willing to put in the effort to keep the spark alive while you’re apart, no one can stop you.
At the end of the day, the seed of emotional and physical intimacy lives in the mind. By tickling and teasing each other’s brains in the right way, it’s certainly possible to keep your connection passionate from afar. And thankfully these days, with sexy technology on our side, we have more ways than ever to stay in touch.
Rather than diving into a long-distance situation with worry at the forefront of your mind, you might take it as an opportunity to learn more about one another and work on your non-physical communication skills. When you can finally see each other once more, you’ll both be equipped with an arsenal of new information and ideas to try. Check out these five methods for keeping your long-distance love affair intimate and fun.
App-enabled sex toys like air suction vibrators and vibrating cock rings can be used from short and long-distance locations around the world. All you and your partner need is the toy itself, a smartphone with the product’s corresponding app, and a stable internet connection. The app works like a remote control, allowing whoever holds the phone to turn the toy on or off and adjust its settings. Imagine getting your partner off from an entirely different continent. Pretty magical!
Satisfyer (with the Satisfyer Connect app) is one of the companies offering high tech toys to help add some spice to pleasure-from-a-distance. Features include being able to remote control yours or your partner's toy while you video chat, the ability to create your own vibrations, to experience your favourite song in vibrational rhythm or to even turn ambient sounds into vibrational patterns. If your partner is open to using toys, these can make great gifts. Who wouldn’t want to be surprised with a vibrator delivered to their door?
Phone sex is a fun option that falls between sexting and video sex, which is great if you’re not up for playing on camera. Simply have a nice sensual chat and let your imagination run wild. The sound of a lover’s voice can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
The art of phone sex needn’t be limited to discussing what you wish you could do to each other. There are playful ways to make voice calls far naughtier and more creative. You might, for instance, give your partner step-by-step instructions on how to edge and please themselves, read them erotica as a bedtime story, or roleplay a conversation between kinky personas you’ve always wanted to play.
To make these conversations satisfying, you’ve got to get inside your partner’s mind and figure out what makes them tick. What kinds of ideas, images, and dynamics arouse them? What are some sexual activities they’d like to try? Do they have any particularly interesting stories that might give you insight into what they like to experience? Ask questions and share your own answers as well.
Add video to your audio calls via Zoom, Skype, FaceTime, or another platform and your options for sexy fun expand considerably. You can watch one another masturbate, do a sexy striptease, cook naked together in your respective kitchens, or simply stare into each other’s eyes while you talk about intimate topics.
The eyes are the window to the soul, after all, and watching your partner’s expressions and reactions while you discuss sexuality will give you tons of non-verbal information about how they feel. What lights them up or makes them bashful? In contrast, what appears to turn them off? We often miss these subtle cues in person when we’re focused on physical touch and caught up in the moment. With distance between you, your other senses heighten, allowing you to become more perceptive in the areas of sight and sound.
Read: A No-Fuss Guide to Video Sex
Nothing can replace the romanticism of an old-fashioned, hand-written love letter delivered in the mail. Reading an intimate partner’s handwriting, knowing they physically touched the page and took the extra time to write out their feelings is enough to make anyone’s heart soar.
It shows a level of devotion and effort that’s hard to come by this day in age. Though letters take longer to send through snail mail, they’re a great alternative as a break from day-to-day sexting. Throw in some photos and drawings you like too!
Gary Chapman famously identified five specific forms of affection in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. The premise is that there are five basic means of expressing and receiving love:
We all identify with a couple of them more closely than others and if you and your partner are on different pages, this can be a source of turmoil.
Conversely, learning about your love languages and discussing them with your partner can boost the strength of your connection, even from a distance. Clearly physical touch is out, but you can partly make up for that absence of contact with the other four.
Is your partner into words of affirmation? Be sure to let them know how much you care for them when you talk. Does receiving a thoughtful gift mean the world to you? Your partner could really benefit from that knowledge. You can each take a quiz to discover your love languages here. Loving and being loved in the ways we desire makes the world a brighter place.
We've all heard the expression "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." In reality though, being away from your partner can feel very lonely. Luckily with some creativity, devotion and maybe an extra helping hand from long-distance web-enabled toys you and your special someone can grow closer and have more fun than you ever imagined!
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Molly Lazarus is a kink and sexuality writer based in the Bay Area. She dreams of a world where consent-loving hedonists can explore the depths of their depravity without fear of persecution or sexual abuse.
