BDSM
5 Myths About Being in a 24/7 BDSM Relationship
Published: SEPTEMBER 16, 2019
| Updated: OCTOBER 29, 2021 04:58:52
Fantasize about being in a 24/7 D/s relationship? Here are 5 realities you need to face beforehand.
I'm hardly what anyone could call a private person. However, more often than not stepping out from behind the curtain isn’t usually necessary for what I happen to be writing about.
However, for this article it’s not just a good idea, but essential, to walk onto the stage and say that I am totally, completely, and (most importantly!) beautifully the property of a truly amazing Owner.
Unlike many others in the BDSM scene, this wasn’t--at least, consciously--a fantasy, let alone one that I ever dreamed of being a 24/7 reality.
However, when it did happen it wasn’t just entering into an erotic playground of domination and submission; it was entering into a way of being that was unequivocally right for me.
So much so that I cannot even imagine not belonging to Her; to being Her joyous property.This is the life that I was created for: to live solely for Her pleasure and happiness.
This is said not to illicit respect, or heaven forbid, sympathy, but to put this article into context: that while being a full-time slave can be a common dream--one personally I have written many stories about--there are often huge differences between what is dreamed of and what is the actual reality of being a full-time slave.
Myth #1: There is a right way, or a wrong way, to begin a 24/7 BDSM relationship.
There are some truths in this myth, though they may not be in the way you might expect, as there actually are fundamentally right ways to start a full-time D/s relationship.
The myth lies in believing that there is a way to forge a 24/7 BDSM relationship that results in a kinky utopia, where there are never any problems and everyone is happy all the time.
The first truth, meanwhile, is that everyone involved should accept the three universal precepts of any kind of BDSM relationship: that it is done with emotional and physical safety, a clear mind (i.e. sanely), and that all parties consent to every part of the dynamic.
Read: How to Ensure Consent in High-Emotion BDSM Scenes
The second truth is that everyone should have their needs met as much as possible. In short, owner and property should be satisfied with the relationship.
In the end, being in a 24/7 D/s relationship is not about striving towards some imagined perfection, but rather accepting that it will always be a work-in-progress.
A key part of this is accepting that there will be good days and there will be bad days, and even times when the whole relationship might have to be suspended or renegotiated.
Fantasies can be a powerful driving force in your sex life—and can be a huge motivator in allowing you to seize control of your own pleasure and lead you on all kinds of erotic adventures—when you move to make them a reality never forget that the people involved are just that, and not characters in your erotic daydreams.
Read: What It Means If You Fantasize During Sex
If things aren't living up to your expectations then pull back and try to see—and most of all appreciate—how things are, instead of how they aren't measuring up to your kinky imagination.
Myth #2: Things should always be set in stone … or in contracts.
A contract between owner and property is a great idea as it can put in writing the responsibilities, needs, desires, and limitations of all those concerned.
That being said, it should be treated as a living document and not one that can never be adjusted or totally rewritten as things change in life as well as in the dynamic.
Here communication is absolutely mandatory: as much as possible there should be no barriers to speaking personal truth.
Read: BDSM 101 Tutorial - The Importance of Communication
If anything, there should be positive reinforcement for sharing fears or concerns--as well as sharing feelings of happiness and pleasure when things are going well.
A layered series of safewords is a great way of doing this, such as “red” meaning the temporary cessation of the relationship, “yellow” for a pulling back from whatever is occurring, but not stepping out of the dynamic, and “green” as a way of saying that reassurance or TLC is required.
Another way to do this is to have non-dynamic communication on a regular basis, like daily or weekly check-ins outside of roles.
A key part of understanding the importance of an on-going contract is a foundation of trust: fearing that calling limits or wanting to change the agreement will result in abandonment or acting out can seriously undermine communication.
In short, no one should fear wanting to change how things are--or asking for what they need--even if it means changing the entire contract.
Read: How to Train a Submissive With Hand Signals
Myth #3: Owners and property should never doubt or need a break.
Fantasy, again, says that owners have to be never-failing, always in control, and property should live solely to please them. The reality is, for most people, there’s this thing called life. Family, work, the world at large, emotional needs and challenges … they all can affect the dynamic.