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A Couple's Guide to Trying a Sex Toy

Published: OCTOBER 8, 2015
Communication, education and taking things slow will ensure a safe and sexy time when using sex toys with a partner.

If you haven't tried out sex toys in the bedroom, it can be overwhelming to see just how many options there are to choose from. There are dildos and vibrators; eggs and Kegel balls; harnesses and sex furniture and so much more. With so many different options and potential sensations, things can get a little overwhelming - and fast.

So, how do you get started? What if one partner has more experience than the other? Or what if neither of you has any experience with sex toys at all?


This couple's guide to trying a sex toy will give you three important points to consider.

First: Talk

Talk about what seems interesting to you and align it with what you do already in the bedroom. Do you like massages to get you in the mood? Maybe a massage candle might be on the wish list. Interested in bondage, but want something comfortable and relatively gentle? Maybe soft, fuzzy cuffs are in order. The most important thing to do is talk about what you want, and what interests you. If you don't know whether or not you'll like something, maybe put a note next to the item or idea, or use a “traffic light” style system: red for a definite “not interested,” yellow for “maybe,” and green for “let's go!”

It's also important to talk with your partner about what they want and what they don't want. Communication is the key to make sure that both of you have an amazing time.


Second: Educate Yourself

If one partner has used toys before (for example, for solo play, or in previous relationships), this may be an opportunity to educate the other partner by demonstration. Or, try checking out local (or online) shops and find sex educators to get advice. A lot of shops have educational workshops where you can find out about certain toys like vibrators, how to give the best oral sex, or how to incorporate erotic literature into your play. Also, sex educators and shops can help with any instructions that you have to follow when using toys. Some toys (such as the aforementioned massage candles) pose fire risks. Penetrative toys, such as dildos and some vibrators, msut be carefully cleaned and sterilized between uses. Also, different materials must be cared for differently. If you don't have experience with sex toys, get educated about how to buy, use and care for them properly. (Learn more in Keeping It Clean: Top Tips for Sex Toy Sanitation.)

Third: Go Slow

Even if you're tempted to use everything at once, don't. You don't need to use an entire toy box in one go! Let's say you have multiple toys. You can reserve one or two for special occasions, or to elicit different sensations from your partner at different times. After all, you might want rough and intense play in one session, and gentle caresses the next. Use the toy that fits the occasion and mood, and know that the rest of the toy box is there, and will always be there, when you need it.

Lily Black and Lex Winters
Lily Black loves martial arts, various forms of calligraphy, and writing. She is good with rope, especially if you ask her partner Lex Winters; for her part, Lex is well traveled (including the United Kingdom, Ireland, and Japan), but is particularly fond of the Berkshire area in the United States, and is more experienced regarding rope work.

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