Step 2: What's Your Sex Toy Goal?
Especially if this is your first sex toy, you're going to feel pretty overwhelmed once you open up your favorite sex toy store's website. There are just a lot of options!
One of the easiest ways to narrow down your options is by thinking goal-first while shopping. What are you hoping this sex toy will do for the two of you during sex? What are you hoping this sex toy can "fix" or help with?
For example, if a vulva-owner is having problems reaching orgasm during intercourse, you might look for a clitoral vibrator that can be used during your favorite sex positions. If you're hoping to add some novelty to your sex lives, you might be looking at something more unique like a couple's vibrator or sex furniture. Or maybe you want to give a bit of kink a try in the bedroom, so now you might be looking at electrosex toys. Figuring out what you're hoping to "achieve" with your new sex toy can help point you in the right direction while shopping.
(Hint: Kinkly Shop also has a sex expert on staff to help you select an amazing toy to meet your goals too. You just have to email them!)
Step 3: Buy Your Sex Toy Together
I'm always surprised by how many couples try to buy a first sex toy for their partner without their partner's input. Especially when it's someone's first toy, they need to have a say in the matter. Not only will their input make it much more likely that they'll enjoy the resulting pleasure, but having a say in their pleasure is a great way to ensure they feel included in the decision.
Plus, buying a sex toy together can be a wonderful chance for foreplay and getting to know your partner. It's like built-in dirty talk. As you browse the pages of sex toys, you can talk about how you'd use each sex toy together - or talk about how amazing those sex toys would make both of you feel. You might find that you end up spending days fantasizing - and then enjoying some hot sex - before you actually end up buying the sex toy in the first place!
There's just a whole lot of erotic potential to be had if you both purchase your sex toy together - and that can just be another benefit to buying a toy together!
Step 4: Go Slow and Communicate
Once you receive your sex toy, I'm pretty sure you're both going to be chomping at the bit to finally give it a try. Don't forget to clean it ahead of time - and spend a bit of non-sexual time reading the instruction manual and familiarizing yourself with how the toy works. I know, I know: reading instruction manuals is boring. But knowing how your toy works will save you frustration later on. If you're getting close to orgasm while using it later, you'll be thankful you know how to turn up the intensity because of your due diligence.
When it's finally time to include your new toy during sex, don't feel like you have to rush things. Consider sliding the sex toy under your pillow and enjoying your "usual" foreplay. Enjoy each other's bodies and get used to the pleasure you normally enjoy. Especially if someone is wary of the toy's presence, this can help reassure you both that sex toys won't get in the way of the enjoyment you both already love.
When you both think it's time, you can pull out the sex toy - and go about using it for pleasure. The exact "way" you'll use your toy will vary based on what the toy is.
If it's a shared couple's vibrator to pleasure both of your bodies (like a Wild Flower Enby 2 or Satisfyer Multifun 3), it might become part of the foreplay itself as you both explore different ways to use it and pleasure one another. If it's a toy for clitoral or penis pleasure (like the Satisfyer Men Wand or LELO Smart Wand Medium), you might consider pulling it out as a part of foreplay to get used to it before its shining moment. If it's a toy designed to be worn during intercourse (like the Rocks-Off Cocktail or the We-Vibe Chorus), you might consider inserting it slightly ahead of intercourse to have it nicely in place by the time you begin.
If you haven't used lube very often during sex before now, this is definitely a great time to explore the amazing benefits that lube can provide. Sex toys materials are different than the feel of skin-on-skin, and using a bit of water-based lube can help keep things feeling slippery and fantastic - especially if you're inserting a toy. I definitely recommend it!
If you've always fallen into a sexual "rhythm" when the both of you are together, adding a sex toy might be a bit of a jarring experience. Most people find that they need to communicate mid-sex about their toy for the best results. That might be as simple as "a bit less intensity please" or a full conversation about how the toy feels best with your body.
Don't be afraid to have these conversations; it doesn't mean that something is wrong with your compatibility or the sex toy. It's just adding a new, unfamiliar tool to the bedroom. You probably have to talk (and read the instructions!) when you get a new coffee maker too. It's the same thing here.
On the bright side, getting comfortable with these types of conversations can help make them easier in the future, too, for communication in and out of the bedroom. It's a win-win!
Read: How Great Sex Toys Help Normalize Pleasure
Step 5: Try New Sexual Activities
There aren't many times in your sex life where you have a built-in excuse to try new activities and add some novelty to your pleasure. Adding a new sex toy just happens to be one of them.
Especially if you're playing with toys to add some novelty and new experiences to the bedroom, don't be afraid to go beyond, simply, adding the toy. If you generally have intercourse in the missionary position, see how the sex toy can work in doggy style or a different sex position. If most of your sexual encounters tend to end in intercourse, see how your new sex toy can work during a make-out session. You might even consider having one person masturbate with the new toy - while the other watches and enjoys!
Not only are you likely to find better ways that the sex toy works for the two of you, but you can also ride these waves of excitement to continually add more "newness" to your sex life - and that's something almost every couple can benefit from!
Step 6: ...But Don't Get Carried Away
Remember those concerns about jealousy from earlier? It's easy to get carried away with your new sex toy. Especially if it provides some amazing sensations, you might want to bring it into the bedroom for every single encounter.
While I'm 100% behind that idea (and almost every one of my sexual encounters includes a sex toy of some kind), I want to caution you against doing that in the early stages of your first sex toy.
Remember: some people can feel jealous of a sex toy. While that jealousy is still something they need to work through (and it's on them to do so), it can exacerbate the problem (and feel like their worst fears are coming true!) if the sex toy becomes a large focus of your sex life after you receive it.
Instead, especially in the early days where you're both riding that "new sex toy" energy, make sure to set the sex toy aside sometimes. Enjoy how your bodies fit together without toys - and make sure your partner feels valued and loved. Whether it's unrealistic or not, some people feel threatened by sex toys, and one of the easiest ways to provide support in getting over that fear is by ensuring they feel valued and loved - even when there's still a sex toy in the bedroom.
