I hate the heat. I hate feeling sweaty. I have a hard time sleeping when I’m warm. The hot and humid nights that happen in the summer leave me miserable and whining at no one in particular. When I’m this warm, I hate being touched. My sweaty skin touching someone else's sweaty skin, heat pouring off both of us, and making things even warmer. It takes something horrible (the heat) and makes it worse (warmer).

This is really unfortunate. I like sleeping with and being near my partner any time I’m not convinced that my bed is one of the rings of hell where I’m punished for something by being sweaty and unable to get any consistent sleep. How then, when I have to sleep spread eagle so my legs don’t touch one another, do I get to snuggle with, and more importantly have sex with, someone else whose body feels like it’s going to melt you, and not in a sexy way, either?

There are some people who love getting all hot and heavy with someone when…it’s hot and heavy out. Then, there are those of us who hate everything and everyone when they’re warm. We still want to be intimate with our partners: so here are some ideas for beating the heat.

Get Air Conditioning

If you’re too hot to feel like getting imaginative with ways to have sex, just get an air conditioner. And some fans. Maybe fill your bed with ice packs while you're at it. You might actually sleep well, too.

The Sea of Ice. Caspar David Freidrich, 1823-1824.

Temperature Play, Anyone?

Ice cubes: they can be fun for temperature play at any point in time, but are especially great when you’re warm. Have your partner glide them across your skin while you sigh with relief. If you want to get particularly fun with it, you can give or receive a massage and use the ice cubes like massage stones. Cold temperature play when it’s hot out can help relieve the heat and be a lot of fun. Just be careful about putting them near delicate tissues, like your orifices. The cold can be too intense and damage your cells.

Hit the Showers!

You can always take a cold or cool shower. The shock of the cold water will make your skin more sensitive. You’ll be able to cool down significantly. Be careful about how slippery it can be in the shower. Buy non-stick mats and those convenient suctioning handles and foot rests. Slipping in the shower not only kills the mood, but it can seriously injure you. Please be careful. Maybe save the vigorous thrusting for outside of the shower.


Hylas and the Nymphs. John William Waterhouse, 1896.

Go for a Swim

Piggybacking off of the last idea, you could go swimming and get your sexy on in a pool, lake, ocean, or river! This is a little bit riskier because it is less likely you will be able to guarantee privacy unless you have your own pool and some high fences or own land that involves some sort of water feature. Either way, having sex in the water is a semi-public experience and although the thrill of potentially getting caught could be, admittedly, very fun, it definitely has its risks. Please consider how private your situation is, the risks involved, and prepare for your forays into outdoor sex!

Change Up Your Positioning

One good way to relieve how much heat you’re siphoning off of your partner is to change up your positioning so that there is less bodily contact. This can mean everything from simple positions like doggy style or more complex, creative, and challenging positions. Make a game out of it! How much fun can you have with the least amount of contact?

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Detail from The Happy Accidents of the Swing or, The Swing. John-Honore Fragonard, 1767.

Swinging

One great way to minimize contact and even get you off the bed and literally suspended in the air (so you can put fans underneath you, naturally) is to get a sex swing. Sex swings can be as simple as a door swing or as complex as one of those fancy ones that anchor into the ceiling. They can vary drastically in price from relatively cheap to “you spent a month’s worth of rent on a sex swing?!” Regardless of how fancy and complicated you get, sex swings can be a great way to keep everyone cool and can help you achieve more complicated positions if you’re lacking in the flexibility department.

Move Somewhere Cooler

If none of the above works for you, you should just move to somewhere that is temperate or just straight up cold all the time. Like Siberia...or San Diego.