It is a trying time in this world. I just have to say that I am thankful to be able to write these words and share these stories with you.

Subculture or Victimization?

We can’t all go around living our lives like an 80s era telephone commercial by reachin’ out and touchin’ someone just because we want to. While the situation is certainly not exclusive to big cities, most anyone who has spent time in a larger urban area, particularly one with crowded public transit, has witnessed or experienced someone engaging in frotteurism. If you’re female-bodied, there’s a good chance you’ve been felt up or rubbed up against—non-consensually—by a stranger.

This article on frotteurism certainly helps explain the psychological compulsion to help us understand those who have this desire. However, it falls short in addressing the impact the action has on the victim. Those who are groped, rubbed up on, and pressed against are victims of assault.

How NOT to Clean Your Toys

Yes, you should clean and sterilize your sex toys.

No, you shouldn’t put them on the stove in boiling water and then leave the room.

Yes, if you’re in a domestic partnership of some sort, you should help each other with the cleaning and housework.


No, you SHOULD NOT put your sex toy on the stove in a pot of boiling water and then leave the room!

Much respect for trying to soothe feelings after an argument, fella, but I sure hope that wasn’t her favorite dildo!

Thou Shalt Not Be an Ass

How many of these strip club commandments really boil down to just being a decent human being? I’ll tell ya: all of them. I love the form of this piece because humor really can evoke change. At the same time, the fact some of these issues are actually concerns for dancers is really demoralizing. People steal stripper’s money? Really? People covertly lick strippers? Really? I’ve been to a number of sex entertainment establishments over the years and it has never, ever occurred to me to just leave forward and lick a dancer. People, manners, c’mon!

So, Does Sex Writer Rank Higher than Poet?

A study has come out that ranks the sexiness of different forms of creativity. Let’s say you’re a musician—you’re likely highly attractive to people. On the other hand, if you create advertising campaigns, find someone and hold on to them because that form of creativity is not greatly valued in the world of creative sexiness. The study hinges on a key differentiation in creative endeavors: those that are applied/technological displays of creativity and those that are ornamental/aesthetic displays of creativity. Ornamental activities seem to rank much higher if they come from "sexual selection pressures". One endeavor I wish the researchers had included: making porn.

Bipolar Disorder in Relationships

I can relate to this story about dating someone with Bipolar Disorder. Not because I’ve done it, but because people have dated me. I was a challenge. Being the one with a mental health issue and seeing the toll it can take on a partner is heartbreaking. While it may not happen at the time, you do eventually stop and think and scream inside your head "Why can’t I just stop doing that!" Fortunately for me, I haven’t had huge issues with my bipolar disorder. Yet, knowing others who experience problems with their own diagnosis really made me aware of the work, struggle, and understanding it takes to be with someone who suffers with it. Both parties in a relationship of this type need help and compassion. It is nearly impossible for each to supply that at every needed instance.

Safe Literature

The condom debate isn’t just for porn. Erotica writers have dealt with the issue of whether or not including condoms in fiction is a required, ethical piece of reality. Like many other erotica writers, the wonderful Tamsin Flowers argues that erotica is a fantasy and that entertainment and fantasy works don’t always include the mundane aspects of life. This isn’t to say she won’t include condoms when they seem appropriate to the narrative, but she doesn’t think they are necessary to ensure actual people use condoms in their daily lives.

I’ll admit to being somewhat on the fence on this concern. I do see the point that our entertainment can re-enforce better personal and social behaviors, but I do like the idea of reading unadulterated adult fantasy.