Run your wet fingers up and down, from her perineum to near her clit, dipping a finger or two just inside her vaginal opening every now and then. Let your middle finger be the lead with your thumb grazing her clit with each stroke. Then watch. Her breath will deepen and her body will open up. These are signs she is happy. Pay attention to her response and develop the pace and rhythm that meets her needs.
The Clit Is It (Or Not)
I would never be so bold as to tell you how to touch your lover’s clit, but I can give you lots of inspiration and insight.
The clitoris is not a button or a pea or a pearl. It’s actually a little shaft about one inch long that is covered by a protective hood of skin, right where the labia come together at the pubic mound. Thousands of nerve endings gather at this one area. These nerves go deep, under her lips, then span up towards her navel and between her legs, past her anus and up her spine to connect directly with her brain. The clitoris is so deeply embedded in a woman's sexual anatomy that today we call it the clitoral complex. (Learn more about this amazing part of a woman's body in Holy Clit, Batman! 9 Amazing Facts About the Clitoris.)
Some clits are so sensitive that she may not want you to touch it at all. Other women want a lot of rough circular motion, and hard pressure against the pubic bone. Some women prefer no direct clitoral contact, but like a little rubbing to the left or the right. Learn her. Start light, gauge her response and put what you learn to work.
Steal Her Moves
Here's an easy one: Encourage her to touch herself, watch what she does and steal her moves. When a woman touches herself, she is communicating with you. She may also communicate verbally, by talking with you or making sounds. So fuck her with your ears. She will also talk with her body, so watch for subtle movements, tension, release of tension, quivers, hips rising, toes pointing, breath being held or becoming deeper. Pay attention, be present and learn her body.
Take Her There
If your intent is to excite her, then experiment. If your intent is to give her an orgasm, then you want to go for consistent, rhythmic movements. You might feel her thighs, ass or pelvic muscles pumping with your motions. If not, tell her you want to feel her muscles pump with you. This will inspire a bigger orgasm.
Read: From Little Orgasms to Badass Ones: How I Learned to Be More Orgasmic
When you find the motion and the spot that has her going over the edge, stay there - don’t let up. The worst thing you can do is find something she really likes and then move on to something else without responding to her reaction.
Regardless of gender or orientation, there are no sexual tools that can compare to your hands. From the soft pads of your fingertips to the warm palm of your hand and all the little muscles that make their movements so versatile, your hands are amazing. And learning to use them can be an amazing experience for both of you.
Like this article? Check out Ducky's book, "Sex With the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered."