It Allows You to Set Limits
One thing I don't feel comfortable with is threesomes. When Parrot broached the topic, I gave him several reasons why threesomes weren’t up for negotiation for me. I didn’t just say, "Ew, that’s wrong/nasty." I told him that I’d feel jealous and devalued if I saw him interacting with another woman in the same manner he did with me. I would dislike feeling as if I was an interchangeable commodity. He respected my reasons. It wasn’t like we weren’t already having rich, lush and decadent sex. (Thinking about adding a third? Read our article on The Right and Wrong Way to Have a Threesome.)
There are a few things we've done that we've had to think and talk about first. Things like taking and sending naughty selfies, Skyping naked, making a sex video ... and then sharing it on Make Love Not Porn. Even though I’m a bit of an exhibitionist, these were things I had never done before. Like the time we fucked in front of a window in a sixth-floor hotel room overlooking a freeway.
Before doing these things, we'd always talk about the risks, how we’d get around them, and how we’d mitigate the damages if there were any. They were practical conversations, but rather than diminish our risqué desires, these discussions did the opposite. Once we negotiated and agreed on the limits of our encounters, all kinds of spontaneity ensued.
It Builds Confidence
A healthy dose of trust and respect is the foundation of great sex and open communication. Up until about a year ago, it had been a challenge for me to open up to Parrot because he treats me better than any man I’ve ever had in my life, and at first I wasn't sure I deserved it. But once I did open up to him, and we started to communicate freely, I realized that I am deserving of his love and that being honest and open is the best route to improved confidence and, of course, better sex. (For more on the importance of discussion, read Why We Should All Be Talking About Sex a lot More Often.)
