Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Sinclair Sexsmith: Personal, queer, dirty.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Sinclair Sexsmith: I was in a "bed death" relationship, where we had sex six times in the last two years of the relationship, and I was tearing my hair out. I decided I would write erotica whenever I wanted to get off, and I ended up writing some erotica that I actually liked, so I did what I knew to do with it - I started an anonymous blog and put it online. I'd been publishing online since 1996, so it came naturally to me. This particular project, Sugarbutch Chronicles, started in 2006, and I caught the upswing of blogging, and the upswing of the sex blogger communities in New York City, where I lived at the time.
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Sinclair Sexsmith: My ex girlfriend used to joke that I "wasn't really butch - more like a sugar butch," because I was a poet, was all sensitive with the feelings, and was other things that "real butches" weren't.
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Sinclair Sexsmith: Queers, but anybody interested in queering their sex life and being smart about gender and power. Butches and femmes and folks who are smart about and fucking with gender, kinksters of all stripes, but especially those interested in power dynamics, people into strap-on sex, people into personal empowerment. Generally, I say I'm at the intersection of feminism, queerness, genderqueerness and BDSM.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Sinclair Sexsmith: The very personal writings about my own life, and also the dirty smut stories. I think both of those set me apart from other sex blogs, which are often less personal and more advice-oriented, or more focused on toys. I like reviews, don't get me wrong, but I like storytelling even more.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Sinclair Sexsmith: Strap-on sex. I'm a bit of an expert, and I love it (so so much). So, because I've written about it so much - in smut, through toy reviews, and so now, people come to me and ask me questions about it and send me products to consider. I love writing about it.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Sinclair Sexsmith: No. 1, but only by a thin margin, is "Are you Femme Enough for the Femme Conference?" - it hits on a very, very common issue in the butch and femme worlds, and in many identity-based communities, which is being "enough", fitting enough of the stereotype, and feeling excluded from groups based on identity. This one was timely, published just before the 2012 National Femme Conference, and it got passed around a lot. It's also a good example of some of my identity and gender theory and cultural commentary.
Coming in closely at No.2, however, is the dirty erotic story "Dirty Filthy Nasty," also from the end of 2012. I think the title is what brings people to that one, more than the story itself. There are lots of better erotic stories published on Sugarbutch, but people just ... love it when it's dirty.
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Sinclair Sexsmith: Being open and honest about sex, and subsequently working through a shit ton of my own internalized shame.
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
Sinclair Sexsmith: Being so open and honest ... not necessarily about sex, but about my personal life - about heartbreak, and falling in love, and my own personal failings. The sex part is easy compared to that
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Sinclair Sexsmith: Untangle your own personal shame, so you can ask for what you want, which gets you way closer to actually getting it. The Body Electric School and other erotic embodiment practices have been instrumental for me in that process. I highly recommend working with a sacred intimate, or working in safely contained erotic groups to practice those skills and do the process work it takes to break down all that internalized yuckiness. American culture (and other cultures too, but mostly I speak as an American) is fucked up around sex - that's why sites like Kinkly exist, that's why every new technology is used for porn. We as a culture are seeking reconciliation with our own internal desires, and the best way I've found to do that is by working through shame, and whatever other internalized things are blocking us from our best sex ever, our deeply satisfying relationships, and our own big big love.