Want to Know If You're In Love? Check Your Bra. No, Really.
When I learned of the existence of this product, I assumed that Ravijour must be an electronics company. After all, if your job is to find new things to add Bluetooth functionality to, it stands to reason that you'd get around to lingerie eventually. But no, this is an actual lingerie company. Their job is to figure out what lingerie women want, and then sell it to them. Speaking as a large-breasted lady, I can say that we have not yet reached the apex of bra manufacture and design. Of all the things I can think of to improve brassieres - better straps, greater adjustability, wider bands, less poky underwires, etc., Bluetooth is pretty far down on the list. (Underthings are often of utmost importance. Read more in The Lingerie of Our Lives: Why We're Fascinated With Underclothes.)
OK, so this product is called the "True Love Tester." The technology is sure to be better than those light-bulb encrusted machines they used to have in bars, right? Probably not. We already know that there's no machine that can actually tell if a person is in love. Even doctors can't tell the difference in the brain between love feelings and being under the influence of chocolate. So how does a bra know? Well, the True Love Tester claims to do it by monitoring heart rate via sensors that feed to a Bluetooth app. The app analyzes your heart rate and "other information" and compares that data with your previous heart rate. Ravijour's information is clear in saying that it knows that true love feels different than jogging, getting a surprise gift or eating spicy food.
But this is the kicker. The bra won't unlatch at all unless you're in love. If you are, the bra immediately pops open and flies off. If you're meeting your boyfriend's parents for the first time, or in the middle of a fancy eatery, well, that could get pretty embarrassing. It's just amazing to think that somehow, no one at Ravijour seems to have considered that a bra that unlatches itself only in the event of true love might become inconvenient, even dangerous.
Even more bizarre than the product is the way it's being advertised. Their commercial declares that this bra will "become a friend to women" because "women always seek true love." We do? Someone probably should have told me that when I was in my 20s.
At one point in the video, a man is yanking on the bra with all his might - to no avail. I guess it also doubles as a chastity bra. And if you don't fall in love before it's time for bed, you'll also be sleeping in it.
Hey, Ravijour, if you insist on putting fancy apps in your bras, how about an app that will remind me which bra looks best with which outfit? That would save me time in the mornings. And don't forget: thicker straps!
Wednesday Lee Friday is an eclectic writer of fact and fiction. She has worked as a reptile wrangler, phone sex operator, radio personality, concierge, editor, fast food manager, horror novelist, and she owns a soap shop. She prefers jobs that let her sleep during the day. Everybody knows all the best art and literature happen at night! Wednesday's work has appeared in Women's Health Interactive, Alternet, Screen Rant, The Roots of Loneliness Project and Authority Magazine.