Know What You Want and Need
So maybe you were able to find a Domme you’re interested in. There are still some things you need to know before approaching her. First, you need to know what you want and need from the dynamic. Are you looking for a casual relationship, a full-time partner, or something in-between? When it comes to power dynamics, are you looking for something just in the bedroom, something on the weekends, or a 24/7 arrangement? It’s important to define what it is you are looking for so that there are no unstated expectations that can lead to disappointments later. You should also know and be able to articulate your sexual limits and needs.
Know What You Have to Offer
As well as knowing what you want, you should be able to clearly explain what you are offering. A potential Domme should be getting just as much enjoyment out of whatever arrangement the two of you create as you do. Figure out what you are willing to bring to the relationship. Although a relationship does not need to be equal, you do need to make sure everyone is getting their needs met. If you are seeking out someone as a kink-fulfillment machine you might be better off looking for a paid Dominatrix instead of a partner.
Get to Know Her
Once you know what you want and what you have to offer, it will be easier to approach a Domme. At this point, it is vital to find out what she is looking for and who she is as a person. With any new relationship, you want to take time to get to know the person. If you don't, you will regret it. A big mistake eager submissives make is asking someone to dominate them the first time they meet. This is a big no-no! You want to demonstrate to a Domme that you are being intelligent and selective about who you give control to or you will just look desperate and possibly end up in a dangerous situation. Jumping into a power dynamic without getting to know someone can lead to disappointing or unsafe relationships.
Learn How to Be a Good Submissive
Once you find a Domme and have started to move toward a power dynamic, be a good submissive without being a doormat. As a submissive, it is important to be able to to make hard choices for yourself. A Domme is looking for a power dynamic, not someone she has to baby-sit or micromanage. A good Domme wants someone who can take care of themselves. You should have your own friends, hobbies, goals and future plans. You should be capable of being a functional adult without their guidance. There is nothing more unattractive than a partner that acts like a robot. A dominant woman is looking for someone to submit to her. If you are weak and unable to be self-sufficient, you're are not looking to submit, you are looking for a crutch.
Contribute to the Relationship
There’s a difference between topping from the bottom and contributing to the relationship. A Domme will need you to honestly communicate your thoughts and ideas. The easiest way to show that you are respecting the power dynamic while still contributing is to give several suggestions (not demands!) and then let your Domme make the decision. For example, come up with ideas for three places you two could go eat but then let her make the decision as to where you go. Let her make the decisions that are allowed within your limits. These might be things such as places to go, sex positions, or even what clothing you are wearing on a date. Your limits should have been voiced early on so that both of you are on the same page. Remember, you always have the ability to say “No.” (Get more tips in Helpful Suggestions for Setting Your Sexual Limits.)
Dommes Are Human Too
Last but not least, remember that your Domme is a human too. Submissives often start to unrealistically idolize their Dommes. They expect a dominatrix-style relationship 24/7 without any room for life, flaws, or emotion. This is discouraging for your Domme and will be frustrating for you. Even the best Domme is still going to have vanilla life moments.That means responsibilities, bad days, and sometimes not having all the answers. She will need you to respect her “human” side and realize that she is not just there for your amusement.
Being able to successfully find a Domme may requires some patience, but by being yourself and being clear on what you have to offer and what you are looking for, you can find and attract the right dominant woman for you. Remember: always show respect for any potential partner, and for yourself as well.
