Sex Blogger of the Month: August McLaughlin of Girl Boner

It's a new month and you know what that means! It's time for Kinkly to another awesome sex blogger! This month, we're featuring August McLaughlin of Girl Boner. Her blog's key focus is empowerment and her writing and podcast are sweet, smart and compassionate. Here are August's answers to Kinkly's 10 questions!

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

August: Fun, diverse, and pleasure-centric.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

August: I shifted from a more general author blog to sexuality because I felt an overwhelming need to speak up, especially about the correlation between a lack of sexual empowerment and emotional struggles, such as body dysmorphia and depression, and the power of embracing of sensual pleasure. Once I realized I was far from the only person who’d struggled in these areas, I was like, “Dude! Give me the mic!” (Or laptop, as it were.)

Kinkly: What’s behind the name?

August: Girl Boner has been one of my favorite phrases for literally decades. After completing a sex ed class as a kid, in which we learned a bit about male pleasure and nothing about female pleasure, I learned what "boner" meant and immediately wondered, “What about girl boners?” That curiosity stayed with me and ended up pairing perfectly with my writing and activism. I’m still obsessed with it.

Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?

August: Anyone who identifies as female/femme or wishes to learn more about and support folks who do. In particular, my work seems to resonate with women who grew up considering themselves “good girls,” and learned that sexual pleasure doesn’t fit into that equation. Many struggle with embracing their bodies or sexuality as I once did.

I know many people find terms like “dirty” to be sexy and empowering, and that’s great! It’s just not for me. One reporter wrote that I “talk about sex as though talking about the weather.” Reading it, I thought, well, of course!

I’m not a clinician or coach or kink expert… I’m an endlessly curious “good girl” who loves talking about sex, debunking damaging myths, and encouraging others to live more fully. I’m open about my own experiences, too, which I think helps others feel more comfortable sharing, if not with me (usually by PM or email) then with someone.

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

August: Besides Girl Boners? I’d say myths largely because there are so darn many of them: from women being “less sexual” than men to “something must be wrong with me because I do/don’t ____________.”

Nearly every email I receive from readers or listeners express desire to know if they’re OK or normal for desiring or not desiring something. (Spoiler: they are.) I so appreciate the questions and do my best to address every one, because chances are, others are struggling with similar issues.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

August: Probably Hot and Hungry: 6 Signs of Female Sexual Arousal. I think it’s remained popular because so many people are perplexed about women’s sexuality. Rather than having conversations about it, many people feel more comfortable looking it up online. I’ve received so many questions on the topic that I wrote a followup post, How to Really Tell if a Woman is Turned On.

Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?

August: I get to write about sex! And also that and I finally have an outlet for addressing societal issues that used to anger, hurt, and frustrate me. Now all of that is fuel; I can use it for something really positive. I’m even writing a book about it, Girl Boner, which will be released by Amberjack Publishing next year.

Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?

August: The most challenging part also motivates me to stick with it: the barriers that remain when speaking openly around sex and sexuality. Posts sometimes end up in spam folders or flagged as inappropriate online. Girl Boner nearly got me kicked out of a conference where I’d been booked as a keynote speaker, along with another author who was to lead a workshop on writing sex scenes.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

August: Play with yourself! And stay committed to solo exploration. Knowing your own body is key to pleasurable sex with another/others, and one of the most self-compassionate acts we can engage in. If women were encouraged to nurture ourselves in these ways, we’d have a different world.