Why I Hate How the Mainstream Media Portrays Sex Parties

Published: DECEMBER 16, 2015 | Updated: FEBRUARY 15, 2022
Sex parties as discussed in the media isn't quite what you think.

Before going to sex parties myself, I envisioned them to be filled with some strange subset of women who were ridiculously horny and obviously somehow damaged. Because what self-respecting woman would agree to go to a sex party, right?


Clearly, I had issues.

My perspective was based on a combination of shit my mum drilled into my head about sex, cultural influence, and the way the mainstream media portrayed sex and sex parties. I mean, if any relationship veered away even a little from the regular monogamous, husband-wife combo, it was set up as a "lesson" for what not to do. Sex parties, of course, were way out beyond what was considered normal, acceptable, or even open for discussion.

The Wild Party Imagined By the Media

In the media, sex parties are either portrayed as some "Eyes Wide Shut" situation with outrageous costumes, over-the top-glamor, and ridiculously beautiful people just waiting to fuck you, or it’s a comical situation. And it’s annoying as hell because anyone who has actually been to a sex party knows this isn’t true. I mean, sometimes there are costumes, and they can be glamorous, but that certainly isn't the norm.


The people who attend these parties are portrayed as always these wild, party animals of some sort, sexually crazy, just ready to jump everyone’s bones. If they’re a couple, then this couple has the most balanced, open, non-jealous relationship ever, with lines like, "You like my wife? Go ahead, fuck her. She likes it…" And the woman is always thought of as ever-horny and ready to be thrown to another man like an interchangeable object.

In reality, anyone who has actually been to a sex party knows that, for the most part, the women are in charge. Oh, and if a man just offered me up to another man without my consent, I would slap the shit out of him.

The Reality of Sex Parties

I’m not saying that all-out erotic action doesn't happen at these parties. Obviously, it does. My beef lies with the way the people who attend these parties are portrayed. Like any person who attends these parties must clearly be dealing with some kind of trauma that prevents them from connecting with another human being. They’re broken, doomed to have casual sex - and enjoy it. Every portrayal of some "awesome" sex party also comes with an underlying lesson to be learned - you give in to your sin and then pay for it in the future.

That's just pure bullshit.

I’ve been to enough parties and I have met some of the most well balanced, cool people there. Sure, there are some who are over-the-top, but then again, that’s just the world in general. I would venture to say that I’d rather hang out at a sex party because there is more respect for women at these parties than at a regular party. It feels so much easier to head up and talk to someone because people are friendlier and open to meeting others. Most importantly, there is so much less judgement.


People Attend Sex Parties for Many Reasons

From what I’ve read or watched in movies or TV, you’d think as soon as you step into a sex party that you’ll be overrun by horny people looking to get into your pants. Anyone who’s ever been knows that no one would ever do that to you. No consent, no dice. The reasons people go are as varied as the people themselves. I’ve seen couples attend because they want to explore something new and spice things up. People attend because they’re curious. Because they’re horny. Because they feel at home. Because this is the place they can explore their sexuality without being judged. Most of all, women attend not because they’re forced to - or because they're "broken." They attend because they fucking can. Because we enjoy sex as much as men.

I’ve had vanilla friends who are curious about attending a party, but are too scared to go. This is mostly thanks to what they see and hear in the mainstream media. You can hear them sigh in relief when they are told they don’t have to have sex if they go. That they can just come and observe. That, for the most part, it is almost like going to a regular party. Well, except for the sex.It’s far easier to sell the idea that most sex parties are creepy, non-consensual or over-the-top. It’s much safer for the traditional family dynamic if we believe that sexual adventure is only for truly damaged people. And, of course, it's much easier to control women when those who take charge of their sexuality are labeled as not quite right. But here's hoping for some change. Sex parties aren't what many people imagine them to be. In fact, they're better.

Coleen Singer

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car...

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