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Where can I find casual sex partners?

Q:

I have been in a domestic partner relationship with my male partner for 10 years. He recently informed me that he realized he is gay and only wants to have sex with men. After the initial shock and hurt, I tried to take the approach of acceptance and we still live together as friends and roommates. Other than the lack of intimacy, we have a good relationship.

I want to have partners of my own, but I"m not sure how to find them.

Where can I find sex without commitment?

A:

Initially - wow. That is a lot to take on and cope with. Good for you for getting to a point where you would like to focus on yourself and pursue fulfilling your intimate life. And, welcome to the digital age of trying to meet people. One of the largest issues my clients deal with is where to meet people. No one seems to meet in bars anymore - they go with friends and avoid contact with outside/unknown individuals. Yet everyone complains about using online services and the headaches they encounter there.

Here’s my perspective: I know a lot of people that use online services and have met plenty of potential casual partners. The thing is, it took some work and effort to meet someone that wanted to meet in person, wasn’t catfishing, and wasn’t an asshole. However, they all maintained a sense of humor and tenacity. It was also supplemental while attempting to still meet someone out in public in person. It really depends on you, and what you are willing to do and the level of effort you want to put in. Meeting people out in public at random is a little trickier these days. In that regard, I would ask: are you going out and doing things where available men might be? Are you presenting yourself as approachable or are you willing to do the approaching? I do know that finding sex without commitment can be far easier, especially as a female, depending on what you are looking for.

That being said, I am unaware of where you are writing from geographically. I also do not know what you need (mentally, emotionally, physically) for sex without commitment. Some only need a first name, some people actually need a conversationalist. Consider what you are looking for because that will influence where you look for partners. Maybe check into local singles groups, or meet up groups, where similar individuals would be present. You might also check into your local polyamory scene (if you have one) to see if there are any upcoming events.

In the end, you are a woman. Without sounding too arrogant while making a sweeping generalization, women have a much better set of odds looking for sex without commitment than men do. It’s all in the attitude. That being said, I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I don’t remind you to be safe and always practice consent with your partner(s). And always bring your own condoms.

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Written by Karen Washington
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Karen Washington is a graduate of the Adler School of Professional Psychology and is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She specializes in sex therapy, with a foundation in communication and self esteem. Karen works with couples and individuals through discrepancy, dysfunction and disorder to achieve their desired sex life. She firmly believes in presenting education and information through the lens of humor, especially when it comes to sex. Full Bio

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