Body image

Things Men Don’t Give a Crap About During Sex

Published: MARCH 5, 2015
In order to fully enjoy sex you need to let go of those pesky insecurities. Here's what not to worry about...
I came across a great article on Cosmo's website the other day about the things we worry about while having sex. It got me thinking about my own insecurities during sex, which got me thinking about other women’s insecurities during sex, which sparked some pretty interesting discussions with with all my girl and boy friends. I, for one, have an obsession about washing my vag - especially before sex. Yes, up until this day, despite knowing that it doesn’t really matter, I obsess about how it smells down there - I clench up slightly or hold my breath every time someone goes down.

Many of us worry about all kinds of things during sex: whether we look good, whether we have too much hair down there, and about the shape, look and smell of our intimate parts. It’s a wonder we get to have any fun at all! I decided to do a highly unscientific survey of all the stuff men don't give a sh*t about during sex. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) most of the time, men are just happy they’re having sex, and they aren't focussed on all the things we're insecure about. Here are four things you might worry about, but according to men, they could care less:

Too Much Hair?

This one insecurity has single-handedly funded waxing salons worldwide. I mean, I understand wanting to keep things clean and neat but honestly, yanking all my hair out started getting old real quick. Sure, there are some assholes out there who'll "only go down if it’s shaved" but most men know that we ladies aren't born hairless. They appreciate if and when it’s neat but they’re not going to freak if there’s a little bit of hair down there. (Read our article In Defense of Pubic Hair for help with embracing your natural appearance).

What’s That Smell?

This is a fear I dealt with until I started going down on women myself. I’m not saying you have to go down on a lady to cure the fear (unless you want to that is), but I am saying that it doesn’t matter what you smell like. You wanna know what you smell like? You smell like pussy. As long as you keep it clean and hygienic down there, you'll only be emitting natural smells, which many men (and women) are actually extremely turned on by! Not only should your smell not deter your lover from getting up close and personal with your pussy, it should make them want to get all up in your business. (For more tips on letting him get close to your most intimate parts, read Ladies, Here's How to Love Oral Sex).

I Swear It Wasn’t a Fart!

Unless your lover is a 16-year-old boy with a love of potty humour, he won't care if you let out a few noises during sex. Queefs happen. You know what queefs are? Queefs are proof that you’re getting f**ked hard - yeah girl! And all guys care about is the fact that their penis is entering your luscious vagina. Chances are, if you ignore the noises and focus on being in the moment, your partner won't even notice. And if all else fails, you can always laugh it off.

Sorry I’m Taking So Long

Have you ever heard a guy apologize for taking too long to cum? Uh, no. My mouth could be cramping around his dick and he’d be leaning back, just enjoying the sh*t out it. Seriously, there hasn’t been a single man I’ve asked that has said he doesn’t like pleasuring a woman and making her cum (and no, I didn’t bother to talk to the assholes, because who cares what they think anyway?). So sit back and enjoy! (If you want to speed things up, see if you can hold out and endure everything your partner does to you without coming. You might just find your orgasm sneaking up on you.)

At the end of the day, we don't live inside a porno with hairless, airbrushed people. Sex in the real world - with real bodies - can be strange and surprising sometimes, but that's part of the fun of it. Once we learn to let go of our insecurities and hesitations about sex, we can really begin to enjoy ourselves, each other, and the intimacy that vulnerability allows.
Coleen Singer

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car...

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