The Autoblow 2: It’s Exactly What You Think It Is

Published: JULY 7, 2014 | Updated: JULY 7, 2014
The product many men have dreamed about since puberty is now in production.
If you've seen more men dancing in the streets than usual, it may be because the item they've been dreaming about since puberty is finally available for pre-order. Invented by Brian Sloan, the Autoblow 2 is being called the "world's most realistic blowjob machine." I'd be inclined to call it the most important labor-saving device of the modern age - if I was sure my Kitchen-Aid mixer wasn't listening. Sloan decided to get into designing and selling sex toys after completing law school. He has assembled his own ecommerce company with developers and staff from around the world, making the Autoblow 2 a truly international sex toy.

Fellas are pumped for what's been described as "The original massage chair for your penis." This is evidenced by the results of the Indiegogo funding campaign, which reached 623% of its goal - including two stretch goals. In an unusual move, backers were invited to donate anonymously, and perks are to be sent in plain brown wrapping with no return address. Heaven forfend that your mail carrier finds out that you like blowjobs!

Aside from doling out blowjobs on command, what's so amazing about the Autoblow 2? It plugs into the wall, so it doesn't need batteries. In that way, I presume it's the difference between the Hitachi Magic Wand and pretty much anything else. If putting your man parts into a 240v machine sounds scary, don't worry: Sloan explains in his informative video that the device "won't electrocute your dick." Good to know!

The Autoblow 2 works with three different sizes of sleeves that are designed to provide a perfect fit for any man and can be removed for easy cleaning. Any water-based lube can be used with the Autoblow 2, but cleaners specifically designed for sex toys are recommended. Depending on positioning, the Autoblow 2 can be used hands-free, and has an industrial strength motor that is good for more than 1,000 hours. (If you need more simulated sucking than that ... call your doctor.)

Autoblow 2 also has variable speed control, which I'm told is an issue with battery-operated sex toys for men. Unlike battery models, Autoblow 2 has three true speeds, rather than 2 speeds and a "slow" one that keeps stopping.

Out of the package, the Autoblow 2 looks a lot like an insulated thermos with a fake mouth on top. It even has a convenient carrying handle. It's available now for preorder with a list price of $150. The Autoblow 2 is sure to provide some stiff competition in the sex toy industry. Methinks the story of Brian Sloan and his team will have a happy ending. Ha!
Wednesday Lee Friday

Wednesday Lee Friday is an eclectic writer of fact and fiction. She has worked as a reptile wrangler, phone sex operator, radio personality, concierge, editor, fast food manager, horror novelist, and she owns a soap shop. She prefers jobs that let her sleep during the day. Everybody knows all the best art and literature happen at night! Wednesday's work has appeared in Women's Health Interactive, Alternet, Screen Rant, The Roots of Loneliness Project and Authority...

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