Anal sex

The 5 Rules of Anal Play for Straight Men

Published: JANUARY 27, 2022 | Updated: DECEMBER 29, 2023
You've got questions? We've got answers! Safe and pleasurable anal play is all about following a few key rules.

Here’s the first rule about anal sex for straight guys: EVERYONE should talk about anal play for straight guys!


We are living in the golden age of sexual exploration. People are becoming more and more able to move past damaging social ideas and fears to embrace their full sexual abilities. And guys, trust this, there are countless abilities to be enjoyed in anal pleasure. Inside and out, the ass is a hotbed of sexual sensation that will have you moanin’, groanin’ and orgasaming like you’ve never come before!

But, that first rule, that we should all talk about straight guy butt fun? We’ll need to call that rule 0. Because there are some things you and your partners need to know, understand and follow when it comes to anal sex. Enjoy!

Read: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Masturbation


Does Having Anal Sex Mean I Might Be Gay?

Being gay is part of who you are. It is reflected in who you are sexually attracted to. It doesn't have anything to do with if you like having your anus penetrated.

Despite the fact that all kinds of folks—folks of all sexualities—have been having bum fun for centuries, harmful, misinformed ideas have permeated culture and made many straight men apprehensive about enjoying some of the most thrilling sexual chills available.

They revolve around the assumption that being gay is something bad or something to be avoided. For the record, being gay most certainly isn't bad and enjoying having your butt pleasured doesn't make you gay.


Rule 1: Discuss and Communicate

There are no truer words than these: “all great sex starts with great communication.” This is true for any type of sexyfuntime, but when it comes to anal play for straight men, there are some extra dimensions to consider. A lot of folks have significant “unlearning” to do around assumptions and stigma when it comes to dudes and buttsex—and that process can be both a personal and relationship movement.

Major Misconceptions

But first let’s clear some things up. Here are some of the most common misconceptions and worries that stop straight people from going around back. Just to be clear, these are all resoundingly false!

  • Enjoying ass play means you are gay or bisexual.
  • If my man enjoys ass sex, he must be gay or bisexual.
  • Straight men are not interested in anal play.
  • My ass will stretch out and I will have difficulty defecating.
  • There’s always poop involved.
  • It always hurts.

So, if you’re a straight guy or his partner, and either of you are interested in exploring his anal pleasure zones, the absolute first thing to do is broach the subject with a conversation. Don’t just go exploring or sending your partner’s hand to the back door. That might work in some relationships, but a talk is, by far, the better way to go.


Talking about anal sex first will provide the opportunity for two things. First, it will help identify if there is mutual interest. And if there is, that can then be the catalyst for a bunch of different opportunities. Checking out how-to guides. Busting any feelings about the above stigma and misinformation. Deciding if porn might help with ideas. Sexy anal toy shopping. Talk some more. Or maybe you both want to dive right in!

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Does Anal Sex Hurt?

The fear of anal play causing pain is real. And no, this isn’t just a sex myth. Anal play can absolutely be painful and downright dangerous if it is not done right. That’s a key phrase when it comes to anal—done right.


Gentle stretching with well-lubed fingers is a must before introducing a sex toy (especially a toy that has a bit of girth, like the LELO Loki Prostate Massager, pictured below) as is going slow. That stretching feeling may be a bit uncomfortable and being penetrated can produce a very "full" kind of feeling, but a sharp pain is a bad sign. Stop, recalibrate, and try again when you want to. But, be aware that anal touch and penetration can still feel uncomfortable even if all of the precautions are taken, patience is virtued and you’ve been swimming in a vat of lube. There is no shame in anal not feeling right for you.

That said, if everything goes does go well, there is a huge likelihood that your anal experience will feel amazing. There are so many sexual sensations to be had in the anus that straight men have been told to ignore because of those nasty stigmas.

However, there is still something that needs to be considered to ensure the greatest potential for ass-centred pleasure: comfort.


Take the Quiz: Should You Buy Your Partner a Sex Toy?

Rule 2: Anal Sex Shouldn't Be Painful

For many straight men, receiving ass play will put them into physical positions they’ve never really experienced. Whether you’re face down, ass up or on your back with your legs spread wide, ensuring comfort and the opportunity for other bodily pleasures will absolutely enhance your anal experience.

Hands and Knees: This is the classic for buttsex of all sorts. If you’re bending over, place some pillows under your hips and belly to offer support. Tuck your penis and scrotum down between your legs so they are accessible. The closer your shoulders are to the flat surface, the more open your butt cheeks will be to your partner, offering more exposed flesh for fun. Doggy style is great for light touch and exploration, rimming and finger and toy penetration. If you’re shy, it also offers the opportunity to not make eye contact and instead focus on the pleasure.

On Your Back: Another classic, but for different reasons. Again, to offer better access, place some pillows under your hips and ass and keep those legs spread wide. You might need to take breaks to stretch to avoid cramping and discomfort from the unusual sensation of spreading your hips this way. Anal play in reverse missionary offers great pleasure potential—particularly prostate stimulation—as well as the best access to the penis and scrotum. A helpful way to overcome trepidation about ass sex is if your partner also offers to suck or stroke your cock at the same time. Don’t worry, the ass play is going to feel great…but adding these will take you to another level. At the same time, this position is also very intimate. Sharing looks and seeing your partner’s pleasure can be a huge thrill and reassurance.

Rider on Top: Riding is the best introduction to anal penetration. This is not to say that other activities can’t happen with him on top and her on her back. For sure they can! But if you’re keen to enjoy pegging with a strap-on, him straddling her hips offers a great chance of first time success. Remember, one of the key aspects of anal sex is patience. With him positioned on top, he’ll be able to control the speed and depth of penetration at his own pace. Butt fucking is not a race. He can ease his hole down her pole, adjusting to and experiencing all of the sensations to be had.

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Is Anal Sex Messy?

Now here’s the elephant in the room. Poop. Seeing it, smelling it, touching it. Beyond considerations of potential pain, the possibility of encountering an unidentified fecal object around your anus freaks people right the fuck out. This can run strong for both folks interested in an anal adventure. As the fellow receiving, it is only natural to worry that your body might offend or turn off your partner.

So, in answer to the question, yes it can be. But there are many ways to greatly reduce the risk of unintended poop play in advance of hoped for buttsex.

Rule 3: Get Clean to Get Dirty

  • Be aware of your diet and meals in advance of anal fun: If you’re thinking of trying ass play for the first (or, really, any) time, concentrate on foods that give you the best, solid turds. Drink lots of water. Avoid foods that give you loose stool.
  • Empty and clean up beforehand: When getting ready for anal, be sure to have a seat on the porcelain throne and evacuate your premises a little while before play begins. Then jump in the shower, relax under the warm water and clean your butt. Some folks prefer to clean inside and out with the help of a warm water enema.
  • Have a supply of gloves, condoms, dental dams and baby wipes on hand to be used during anal play: Sometimes, despite the best hygiene prep work imaginable, a little poop residue still happens. Instead of being an end-all in your back-end play, wiping up and changing gloves or condom can be enough to keep that backdoor party going.

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What Kind of Lube Should I Use for Anal Play?

The anus is a wonderfully sensitive body part that offers so much pleasure potential. But it needs some help. Whether you’re playing on your own or with a partner, if something is going to go inside your butt, you need to use lube. No ifs, ands or buts about it, some kind of lubrication is critical for anal penetration.

There are many different of lube, and folks have been using all kinds of slippery liquid to get stuff up their butts for centuries. Nowadays, it is generally preferable to avoid food-related products (oils and Crisco were a big past favourites), in favour of either a water-based or silicone lubricant.

Rule 4: Lube is Your Best Bud

When it comes to anal play, the more slippery, the better. This is not to say that there aren’t ways to enjoy anal pleasure without lube. Light exterior caresses and rimming do not require lube. However, if anything—finger or sex toy—is headed past the anus, get that bottle of lube warmed up and ready! The anus, sphincters and anal cavity are strong but tender bits of our anatomy. They really put up with a lot of shit, but they are not fond of the rough stuff. Unlubricated anal penetration can result in anal fissures—small cuts and tears. Applying liberal amounts of lube and patience in play can avoid these.

Each has advantages and disadvantages for butt fun.

Water-based lube: These lubes clean up easier and as the most compatible with silicone sex toys. However, they do not last long, can become sticky feeling during prolonged use and will need reapplication (or water added) to ensure they maintain the need viscosity for anal penetration. LELO offers two options for toy-safe water-based lube: F1L and LELO Personal Moisturizer.

Silicone lube: Silicone lube lasts much longer than water-based lube. You can go and go! But you have to be careful what you go and go with. Silicone sex toys cannot be used with silicone lube as it degrades the material of the sex toy. Also, it is a bit harder to clean up after and can contain more ingredients that doesn’t agree with all bodies.

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What Kind of Sex Toys Should I Try for Anal?

LELO is a luxury sex toy manufacturer that offers high quality anal sex toys. If you are going to invest in some butt fun, take a look at what they offer. The two main categories are:

  • Prostate pleasure
  • Butt plugs

Check out these many different anal adventures—but don’t forget that all of the previous rules still apply!

Read: Guys, Here's How to Hit the P-Spot Using a Toy

Rule 5: Continue Exploring With Sex Toys

Without a doubt, one of the best, most fulfilling aspects of anal sex for a straight man is opportunity to explore new and exciting sexual opportunities to feel great and orgasm. Seriously, adding anal pleasure is going to ratchet up coming by countless degrees of pleasure.

Prostate pleasure: Get ready for the ride of your life! The prostate is the hidden jewel of ass sex that will take you to new heights of pleasure. Tucked up on the anterior wall of the anal cavity, the prostate is a walnut-sized gland that, when stroked, produces amazing sensations. It can be reached with a sex toy, such as the Lelo Loki Wave Prostate Massager or a finger, either on your own or by a partner. Prostate massage can also have help benefits, as studies show it increases semen production and might help prevent cancer.

Butt plugs: When straight fellows open their minds to opening their asses, they open themselves to a wide range of dual stimulation. Butt plugs are a fantastic way to increase your body’s pleasure potential by enjoy manual, oral or penetrative sex—while at the same time feeling those sweet butt sex sensations! Butt plugs are designed to be hands-free. They go in and they stay in place until you take them out. They come in different sizes and shapes and can also included vibration. These toys, such as the Lelo Hugo anal vibrator, are extra sensual, as they allow your partner to control the action.

Read: Your Guide to Choosing (and Using) a Prostate Massager

Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the...

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