Swinging Isn’t Cheating, But Swingers Can Cheat. Here’s How.

Emotional cheating a valid concern: For many people, engaging in sexual intimacy almost always results in some type of connection—be it physical or emotional. There is a difference between the two, though, and you need to be able to separate them.

I am not saying everyone must follow my suggested guidelines, as some swinger lifestyle couples have no issue allowing their significant other a hall pass—permission to go solo without their presence—and are completely fine with separate-room play. However, not all swinger couples are comfortable with that level of openness—resulting in concerns over partners developing connections to other people through conversation and intimacy.

I can speak from personal experience and attest to this happening with my 14-year marriage. When we were new to the swinger lifestyle, a lack of guidance contributed to huge mistakes which ultimately took a toll on our marriage. Specifically, emotions got the best of my husband and the female half of another couple and damaged our relationship beyond repair.

Running my swinger community since 2012, I have seen my fair share of break-ups, heartache and families torn apart—the vast majority due to the same situation I endured.

READ: A bad breakup has made it hard for me to enjoy sex with other women. What gives?Other Types of Cheating in the Swinger Lifestyle

Then there's the minority of swinger lifestyle couples I've seen break up. These are the couples who end up losing a partnership, relationship or marriage due to a different type of cheating in the swinger lifestyle.

I like to use this analogy: "Give someone an inch and they will take a mile."

To elaborate, let's say, for example, your partner is on a business trip and you have been asked to join a couple out for drinks with the possibility of play afterward. You contact your partner and they give you verbal permission, a "hall pass," to head out solo with this couple—no restrictions or limitations. Does this mean the next time your partner goes on a business trip, you no longer need to communicate or ask for permission to go out solo?

In short, no. Your "hall pass" is only valid for this interaction—not whenever you choose. All too often, couples will tell me how permission for a one-time hall pass turned into a lack of respect and communication, with one person assuming that, if it was OK one time, there was no need to "ask for permission."

This is another way cheating can occur in the swinger lifestyle community. It again goes back to issues of consent. Consent needs to be on-going and enthusiastic. Partners check in with each other regularly to make sure everyone is still having a good time. Assuming something that was ok once is always ok is a grave error and not fair to your partner.Conclusion

Being a part of the swinger lifestyle can be rewarding and beneficial, as long as the communication lines remain open and the relationship is solid prior to embarking on the journey.

Educate yourself, discuss the pros and the cons and be aware of warning signs and what to be leery of.

I'll leave you with this advice—my favorite way to describe the swinger lifestyle to my clients who want to try it out:

"It can be a slippery slope if you do not follow basic guidelines and etiquette; but with the right guidance and keeping the lines of communication open, the lifestyle can put the right amount of spark back into that burning flame."