"Yo, I'll tell you want I want, what I really, really want.
So tell me what you want, what you really really want."
Sex Stories We Love: Stop Watching the Clock, Same Sex Rights in India & Getting What Everybody Wants
This week, we look at some of what people REALLY want when it comes to sex.
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Do we spend enough time telling each other what we really want in sex? And what we don't want? And what doesn't matter to us at all? This week's Sex Stories We Love looks at some of those wants and perceptions of wants. One of the perceptions that keeps us from moving on as more advanced sexual beings is the long-running obsession we have with our own and our partners' "number." Somewhere along the way, the number of people we've had sexual relations with became a market of our sexual prowess and general worth as a human being. Of course, the numbers are skewed in either direction, with men achieving status by having a higher number of partners and women being looked on unfavorably when their number isn't lower. Beyond being sexist and hypocritical, it seems unlikely that these numbers could ever work out in a mathematical sense. What is gained from focusing on this statistic? Researchers might be able to pull some collective community data, but not so much for individuals. Do you want a bigger number? Go for it. Do you care about your partner's number? Don't worry about it. Another supposed indicator of sexual greatness is whether you can count the duration of your sexytimes in hours, minutes, or seconds. Do people really want long sex? Of course, everyone and every sexual situation is different. These couples shared the length of time their sex session took. Yet, the more compelling stories are the different situations and circumstances that surrounded those intimate couplings. A more accurate reflection of quality sex is satisfaction - but let's not go off on another misconception that orgasm = satisfied. Personal satisfaction, and the satisfaction of your partner, can be through orgasm, good feelings, intimate connection, good laughs, or whatever makes you feel good. That is the paramount concern. Whether that takes you two minutes or two hours to get there is up too you. Be sure to communicate your needs and take it from there.
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Do people want to watch porn and fantasize about sex with aliens? Of course they do! An extraterrestrial erotic adventure is surely just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the many different fantasies and fetishes that are out there. Is getting it on with ET a realistic fantasy? Well, that depends on who you ask. Yet, that is part of the alien fetish. Sometimes the unattainable is even hotter because you'll never have it. Even so, if you are curious to explore, there are plenty of folks right here on Earth creating content that will light up the tip of anyone's finger! What the LGBTQ+ people of India wanted was the opportunity to pursue sex and relationships without fear of imprisonment. And they got it! By striking down a colonial law against "unnatural sex," Indian people have become free to love and fuck whomever they want. Look how happy they are! These photos show how important the fundamental right to love who you want is to fulfilling people's lives. And while it took a long fight, India's success will hopefully give queer folks in the 69 countries where same-sex relationships are still criminalized a strong example to follow in working to gain freedom. Congratulations, India! While anyone can certainly relate to this, those in long-term relationships might be nodding their heads the most. Sometimes you want sex and your partner doesn't. Sometimes your partner wants sex and you don't. It would be impossible to have our sex drives always match. Hopefully, there is a nice, easy solution: the horny person heading to a different room to take care of their needs with masturbation. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem evident, let alone possible. Even couples who've attained a high level of intimacy sometimes don't talk about their self-pleasure needs and desires. Yet, sharing their desire when they want some and establishing masturbation as a potential solution when their partner isn't in the mood could help strengthen the relationship bond.
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Finally, are you into astrology? Do you want a monthly sex horoscope?
Table of Contents
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Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the Year, V1 to rave reviews. He's also the winner of the 2010 TNT Favourite Adult Journalist Award and one of Broken Pencil's 50 People and Places We Love past co-host and producer of Sex City. Jon co-produced the queer literary festival Writing Outside the Margins with Xtra Magazine for two years. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.
