Sex education

Sex Stories We Love: Highway to Hell, Solo for Science, & Self Service

Published: MAY 4, 2016 | Updated: FEBRUARY 14, 2022
In this week's Sex Stories We Love, we discuss a printing press that says masturbation is the highway to hell (but only for women), what it's like to rub one out for science, and the beauty of self-service!

Welcome to Masturbation Month on Sex Stories We Love! Throughout the month of May I’ll be including special solo sex stories to explore our love of self-love. Good thing you can read this with one hand, amirite?


Highway to Hell?

Who knew the path to eternal damnation was paved in dlidos, vibrators, and sticky fingers?! This is a pretty surprising revelation that I am pretty sure is not outlined in the Bible—or any holy book for that matter. However, according to Christian author Mack Major, women who masturbate will lose their salvation. Jesus Christ will not welcome them with open arms because they welcomed their own hands with open legs. They might commit any number of other mortal offenses, but they damn well better not be touching themselves...or they’ll be damned. Yet, as Hemant Mehta points out, what about men? Will they too be subject to the fires of Hell for taking care of the fires in their loins?

Solo for Science

Could you masturbate in an MRI machine? With restrictive headgear? And scientists milling about analyzing your every, ummm, move? Superstar sex writer and broadcaster August McLaughlin gave herself over to...herself in the name in of science to compare what happens in the brain during arousal and orgasm. Not everybody would be able to perform or potentially enjoy masturbating under such restrictions, but an inquisitive mind can be fertile ground for new experiences. Studies such as this can provide new information and possibly challenge the widely-accepted beliefs about women’s orgasm potential.

Rubber Duckie, You're the One

Masturbation is a very personal thing. When you are given a glimpse into the ways people like to pleasure themselves, you can learn some very curious things. What hand do they use? How do they like to touch themselves: on their back, on their belly, on their side, sitting up? Do they like it in the morning? At night? All the time? What do their masturbation toys look like? That last one can be pretty contentious. Some people are very particular about how their sex toy looks in order to enjoy it. Jillian Richardson was squicked out at the thought of using a rubber duckie vibrator. Other folks take one look at the “realistic” Fleshlight and are completely turned off. What about something like the Magic Wand? Does it exude sexy at all? For some folks, masturbation devices are all about function over form. For others, the form is as crucial to fantasy and enjoyment. Some people just cannot handle a sex toy shaped like an animal and some think it is no big deal. Different strokes, folks!


Self Service!

While singer Hailee Steinfeld is keeping the option open for everybody’s individual interpretation, I think it would be fantastic if her song "Love Myself" were adopted as a masturbation anthem. It is easy to see why this interpretation is gaining steam, with lyrics such as “I'm gonna put my body first/And love me so hard 'til it hurts.” She believes the song is one of self-empowerment, and that is awesome...because masturbation can be very self-empowering. Embracing your own pleasure, enjoying your sexuality on your own terms without shame or fear is an act that can is oddly transgressive considering societal views of masturbation that still float out there today. So let’s follow Steinfeld’s lead and embrace the idea of screaming our own names.

Tried It, Loved It!

Do you have a masturbation bucket list? Do you ever think about specific self-love scenarios that you haven’t had the opportunity to enjoy just yet? Because rubbing one out is often an individual activity, it could be possible to set yourself some goals, even with a preferred time to achieve it by. If you’re thinking about it right now, there’s a good chance specific places outside the home will enter your mind (as in the article). Taking touching yourself on the road can be wonderfully voyeuristic. However, this type of finger-fun does come with the risk of being caught which can result in unwanted exposure and possible arrest. So, if you are interested in playing with yourself publicly, be sure to play safely and be considerate of others.


Presidential Material?

To our American readers: who are you rooting for the in the ongoing primaries? If you’re Republican, are you for Trump, Kasich, or Cruz? Would it possibly sway your opinion if you knew that Ted Cruz worked to okay a prohibition on selling sex toys while he was the Attorney General of Texas? That’s right, the sorta-Canadian candidate was all for a ban on selling sex toys. Now, vibes and dildos aren’t exclusively used for masturbation...but they sure to feel great for that purpose and are widely used for self-love! Ultimately, Cruz failed and to celebrate the memory of sex toy chicanery, let’s take a listen to The Wet Spots "Texas Annie."

Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the...

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