When it comes to sex, we mostly think about things that make us go "mmmmmm..." This week, we're winding up the wayback machine to evoke 1990 and those things about sex that make us go "hmmm..."
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Who knows sex? Well, we know that people who have participated in procreation must know at least a little something about sex. We know that sex educators, bless their hearts, are doing their best to teach us about sex. It would seem that celebrities know some things about sex from the number of sex tape "scandals" that have emerged over the years. Yet, when I am looking for some nitty gritty information about the mechanics of sex, the best practices and the highlights and low lights, I like to talk with sex workers and porn performers. These are the folks who are in the trenches, getting the work done that looks fantastic for everyone involved, even when there are challenges and concerns. I'll take their advice on how to give head any day of the week! So, why aren't porn performers and sex workers the go-to for sex advice? I'd take their words over most any other advice columnist anytime. Hmmm... Have you heard of 'simmering?' We're not talking about cooking a tasty sauce here. I don't mean what my teachers used to tell me when I'd get too excited in class. I'm not going to simmer down here because I actually quite like this idea! We're entrenched in this fast-paced society. We have to get to work, get to school, pick up the groceries, make the meals... Unfortunately, one of the things that can suffer in our go-go-go world is intimacy. This simmering technique could be a great way to recapture that and add a heightened, remembered arousal to the day. Or will attempting to simmer just become another thing on the checklist? Hmmm... Somewhere along the line, we, as a culture, decided it was a pretty bad idea for teachers and school workers to have sex with students. Seems a pretty reasoned approach to safety given the significant power imbalance and trust dynamics that are required to maintain an integral education system. A former teacher in Alabama, currently serving a prison sentence for engaging in sexual relations with two sixteen-year-old students, argues that her sentence is unconstitutional because people in other professions aren't held to the same standard of jail time if they were to have sex with a sixteen-year-old. Unfortunately for her, I don't think this gambit will work. I didn't go to college to become a teacher, but a basic rule that seems fairly inflexible is that teachers don't touch the students. Is there wiggle room under the Constitution? The interpretation of the document is sometimes surprising. Hmmm...
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In the Alabama teacher's case, there is already a law on the books that clearly explains "you can't have sex with students." However, it is utterly shocking to hear that in 35 states in America, there is no actual law that prohibits police officers from having sex with people in their custody. 35 STATES! This story out of New York of a teenage girl detained in a police van, raped by two police officers, and left on the curb blocks away demonstrates this ludicrous situation. Oh, but the police officers involved claim it was consensual. Since New York does not have a specific law that reads "No, cops can't fuck suspects," they could just walk on the charges. Even if the sex were consensual, the power imbalance screams that this just doesn't make sense. Any person in a position of authority has the opportunity to exploit another who does not have the same level of agency. We're supposed to trust the police when they don't have their own system of oversight? Hmmm... Nature never ceases to amaze us. Just as with humans, we've ascribed behaviours to all the animals in the world base don our observation. Yet, perhaps our observation is limited and hasn't gained the full view of different species' interests or capabilities. Take the recently deceased goose, Thomas. This gander took a different gander on his life. In a story even Hollywood would shy away from, Thomas had many wonderful years with a male black swan named Henry. Henry eventually began mating with a female swan, Henrietta, and the three were a delightful triad. They raised many more swans together. After Henry died, Henrietta decided her life called her elsewhere. She left a heartbroken Thomas who still fostered cygnets in his later years. This is a very telling story that nature and the psychological aspects of love are not always what is laid out for us. Will we ever see this type of story told without scandal or bias from the human perspective? Hmmm... Finally, you've never seen the female gaze depicted as it is in this intriguing photography project. What type of images do you think that your body would project? Hmmm...
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Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the Year, V1 to rave reviews. He's also the winner of the 2010 TNT Favourite Adult Journalist Award and one of Broken Pencil's 50 People and Places We Love past co-host and producer of Sex City. Jon co-produced the queer literary festival Writing Outside the Margins with Xtra Magazine for two years. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.
