Sex Blogger of the Month: Lorrae Bradbury of Slutty Girl Problems

Kinkly features an amazing Sex Blogger every month. This month, we are featuring Lorrae Bradbury of Slutty Girl Problems as our Sex Blogger of the Month! Her posts are as empowering as they are educational. Oh, and did we mention that she's proud to be called a slut? Here are Lorrae's answers to Kinkly's 10 questions.

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

Lorrae: Empowering. Entertaining. Educational.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

Lorrae: I started Slutty Girl Problems on Twitter while I was in college as an anonymous way to share my experiences as a single girl in the hook-up culture. My following grew really fast and I was really amazed to see all the support I was getting. So many women shared or related to my experiences, and many of them felt like they couldn’t talk about it with their friends. Having someone publicly say what they were thinking or going through was really empowering, and so many women wrote me telling me that they finally felt empowered to embrace their sexuality, speak their mind, and live without shame.

After seeing the response, I started the website because I wanted to create a community of total sex-positivity that would be a safe space for women to talk about their experiences more openly and explore their sexuality without any shame or judgement. The website has a sex-positive mission to entertain, educate, and empower women to feel confident, take control, and discuss their sex lives openly.

Kinkly: What's behind the name?

Lorrae: I called the Twitter and website “Slutty Girl Problems” as a way to re-claim a negative, degrading word as a positive, empowering term. Society tells young women that exploring their sexuality is shameful and wrong, and that any girl who expresses her sexuality is a slut, whether they’re wearing red lipstick and a short skirt or taking off their clothes at the strip club. Slut shaming is really the problem, not sex.

I want to re-frame that word and show that owning your sexuality and taking control of your sex life can be empowering. By affirming that sexuality is normal and not shameful, and supporting women in their sexual choices as long as they’re safe, sane, and consensual, we can help to spread sex positivity and reduce slut shaming. We show that you can be classy, confident, and sexually empowered all at the same time.

Kinkly: Who's your target reader?

Lorrae: Our readers are primarily young women in their late teens and early 20s who are exploring their sexuality.

Kinkly: What's unique about your blog?

Lorrae: We cover so many topics beyond just sex, dating, and relationships all through a sex-positive, empowered lens. We talk about all kinds of feminist issues, college and party culture, friendships, motherhood, careers, the adult industry, entertainment, health, beauty, and so much more. We want to “entertain, educate, and empower” with everything that we do.

We also talk about how to navigate all those awkward situations that come with being a sexual person, both in your private life and as a publicly sexual person. Things like handling hook up culture, dealing with awkward relationships, and even the tough topics like overcoming slut-shaming, body image issues, and sexual assault.

We aim to be a resource that’s accessible, modern, and relatable - with advice from women who have been there before. We hope to change the conversation around sexuality, and create a safe space where anyone can openly and honestly talk about their experiences with a sex-positive community to support them. We have many writers from different perspectives, from college girls to sex industry professionals, to answer any questions that come in. We want to share the voices of all women, because the more we can all talk about our different experiences of sex, the more positive and empowered we can all become.

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

Lorrae: Our most common topic is really just assuring people that they’re normal! Whether it’s their sexual preferences, kinks, body responses or shape, partner preferences, dating trouble, difficult experiences, or any other concern, all of our experiences are normal and nothing to be ashamed about!

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Lorrae: Our most popular post ever is “The Slutty Girl’s Ultimate Guide to Blowjobs."

There’s a lot of social pressure for young women to give good blowjobs. So, it’s no surprise to me that it’s a really common concern. We’re told that it’s “the new kiss goodnight” and a must-do in order to please your partner. Sometimes, girls are afraid of being made fun of if they give a “bad blowjob.” Then, all of a sudden they are the talk of their school. Of course, I think these social pressures are ridiculous…but they do exist, and are heavily influencing young women.I’m glad that our guide has gotten so much traffic because not only is it a good practical guide on the mechanical tips of giving head, but it’s also sensitive to the giver’s individual feelings and preferences. So many guides make it all about pleasing your partner even if it means putting your personal preferences aside. Instead, we give a lot of options, and encourage our reader to choose what they’re most comfortable with. It’s totally a personal preference, and you can give a good blowjob whether you want to swallow or spit, deep throat or not, or any other idea we mention! We also talk about trusting your partner, being aware of STDs, experimenting with different techniques, and getting your partner’s feedback because communication in all sexual encounters is so important.

Kinkly: What's the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Lorrae: I love being able to have a positive impact on other women’s lives, and help them feel more comfortable with their sexuality. Learning about and accepting your sexuality is an ever-evolving process, and having a supportive community is so helpful in navigating your personal journey. I really wish I had a site like this when I was in high school and college because it would have helped me so much to accept and understand my sexuality! So, it’s great to know that this passion project can do that for other women, and give them the tools and inspiration to empower their own sex lives.

Kinkly: What's the worst thing about it?

Lorrae: I am still working to overcome my own experiences of slut shaming, and running a sex blog forces me to overcome them on a massive scale. I’ve had slut-shaming in my private life and even more now as a result of working in this industry. That experience plus sex-negative cultural messages get under my skin, and sometimes make me second-guess what I’m doing; if it’s valid, and if I’m doing to right thing. I continually have to check in with myself, re-assess my own sexual attitudes, and re-affirm to myself that sex is healthy and natural even in the face of adversity and hate. It’s hard work, but I do believe that this work is important and completely worth it.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Lorrae: There is nothing better than feeling passionate, completely free, unabashedly excited, and actively enthusiastic during sex! Sex really starts in the mind. So, the more your context and mindset buzzes with excitement, the better sex will be. My best tips are to let go of insecurities, communicate openly with your partner, explore your desires, be unafraid to try new things, get animalistically passionate, and allow yourself to give and receive endlessly!