Unless you're into some very rough sex, you probably don't think of sex as something you're likely to get injured doing. But it happens, and it probably happens more than we think. While it's hard to say how common sex injuries are (people lie!), the date suggests that the most common sex injuries are pretty benign, including things like carpet burn, urinary tract infections and back pain.
That said, sex is rarely the graceful, choreographed exercise we see in the movies. We're clumsy, we fumble and, sometimes, things go terribly wrong. We reached out to readers and asked about the injuries they had sustained in the throes of passion. As it turns out, love really is a battlefield, one that's complete with cuts, cramps and even broken bones. Here are a few injuries our readers sustained while getting hot and heavy.
I was stationed in Germany with the United States Air Force, and was seeing a woman who went to university in Hamburg. We used to stay in her tiny flat right off of campus and just stay in the bedroom for hours on end..
One afternoon, we had been going at it for an hour or two, when, with one hopeful thrust, her bed frame quite literally exploded. Everything broke. I'm talking EVERYTHING. Turns out, the bed was made in such a way that, when the headboard snapped from her hanging on to it, it decimated the side panels, too.
Anyway, my leg was hanging off the side of the bed, and when the mattress fell away from the disintegrated frame, my leg caught a piece of the splintered wood, received a huge gash in my calf that bled everywhere.
I bought her a new bed frame.
I took a new Tinder crush out to the bar to meet her for the first time. We had a few drinks, the night went great, and we ended up back at her place. As we were frantically disrobing, I dislocated my shoulder. I couldn't put my shirt on with my arm out of place, so we took an Uber to the emergency room in the middle of February, and all I had on was pants and shoes.
I’ve often gotten to the point where we’re both ready to explode, only to feel a sudden sharp pain in my leg (it’s usually around the calf area or at the base of my foot) moments before climaxing. You suddenly stop everything and proclaim you’re in pain. While you stand up and try to nurse your wound, the passion slowly dies and your partner looks at you like you’re an amateur or something. Now you have to start all over again - which isn’t always a bad thing, but there’s never really a guarantee you’ll get back to where you were again!
My penis bent, nearly broke in half once! As one of the few Indian male porn stars, I get cast in a lot of interracial content. Most girls in that genre are used to guys that are, well, MUCH larger than I am. These girls tend to give them selves a lot of movement range when on top, and one time she got a little too excited and aggressive. She came down at the wrong angle and SNAP! OUCH!
Hot Sex ... Really Hot
This did happen! So one night I was getting frisky with myself. Let’s face it, folks, we ladies can do ourselves like no other! I had just purchased a new vibrator. As I was getting busy, I started to notice the device was getting warmer and warmer and then HOT!! OMG! My new "friend" had burned my Suzy!! This was serious!!
I quickly found the packaging and called the company's customer service number. When the party answered I simply said, “Your device burned my Suzy!!” Needless to say, the company was very distressed over the issue and sent me the “newest” model - and an apology letter.
I almost lost sight in my left eye giving my husband fellatio.
I was very pregnant and it made me dizzy leaning over him in bed and I was way too big to be kneeling or standing so we were in the teabag position and he had his hands on the headboard. At some point he must have slid a hand off and something fell into my eye!
It instantly freaked me out, and I jumped up to go and try and to wash it out. The water wasn’t helping and it was getting worse. My eye was swelling and I couldn’t even open it without using my hands. After 15 minutes of rinsing and pain, I started to cry hysterically because it hurt, yes, but mainly because I was going to have to go the ER and explain this story.
Who gives head lying down?
What the hell was on that headboard?
I decided to put a scarf over my eyes and wait for 30 minutes to see if it got better. I fell asleep and luckily it was fine by morning.
The first thing I did that day was clean the headboard!
My former Dom liked to have me go down on her. Tongue, fingers, lips - all the good stuff. Suffice it to say I quickly learned how to really turn her on and she frequently orgasmed really intensely. One day I was pleasuring her, with her sitting against the wall, her legs wide open. I really liked fingering her and while I was doing so, she climaxed all of a sudden. She had the tendency to bend forward when she came in order to kiss me. That's what she did, with my fingers still inside her. However my fingers where inside her with the back of my hand facing up, thus my fingers couldn't bend with her. I broke two of them.
When she recovered and got her breath back, she noticed that I was holding my hand and asked if everything was OK. "I'm sorry, Mistress, but I think you just broke my fingers," I said. At this point I could actually laugh about it - her face was priceless! It later became an inside joke when she described my skills as "finger-breaking good."
I tend to be kind of ... tense ... but when I get into the groove with oral sex, I can come for days. One day, when I getting some very good oral, I realized how uncomfortable I was. I'd had my head thrown back in ecstasy for several minutes, and my whole body was tense as my body rippled with one orgasm after another. Finally, though, I had to call it off. Unfortunately, it was too late. I was in agony, my neck bent to the side and stuck in a very uncomfortable position. I had a very bad sleep that night and it took a trip to both a chiropractor and a massage therapist to set me straight again.
Watch the Teeth!
My wife and I are webcam performers so we make money by getting naked on camera. Anyway, while performing a show a couple months ago, my wife was performing fellatio on me while wearing a pair of 6-inch stilettos. She also decided to take a swig of mint schnapps. The schnapps not only spilled, causing her to slip as she went down on me, but the combo of burning mint along with the natural urge to clamp down as she was falling left a minty burn where she had broken the skin on my penis. Talk about a crazy way to end a cam show! I think folks felt sorry for us and ended up tipping us quite a bit out of pity. Funny - but it hurt!
Kama Sutra Collapse
I sprained my wrist trying to do the Kama Sutra. My legs were on a chair and I was supporting myself with one hand. The chair slipped out from under us and I twisted my wrist. Not fun.
The New Safe Sex
Nothing worth doing is 100% safe. That said, there are a few things you can do to protect yourself from the most common sex injuries. First, note that most sex injuries happen while having sex in a non-traditional setting. If you choose to venture outside of your bedroom, be sure to have a look at your surroundings and determine how safe they are. Is that chair sturdy enough? Will the kitchen table hold your weight? If you've banished the bed, consider investing in some safe, sturdy sex furniture. You can also inspect your bed and headboard for any signs of distress, and ensure that they're sturdy enough for, well, whatever it is you're doing. To avoid the most common issues, like back pain, neck pain and muscle strains, consider using some props, such as a sex wedge, ramp or other positional aides.
And be careful, ya'll! Sex is much more fun when it doesn't involve a trip to the emergency room.