Rainbow Delights: New Ways You Can Use Gender in BDSM Play

Boys in blue, girls in pink…and that’s all there is, right? At least, that’s what some people erroneously think when it comes to what gender is and always should be. The fact is gender is nothing other than a social construct. It varies by country, region, religion, and philosophy as well as changing over time.

In short, gender roles are totally made up.

Sure, sometimes sex can be a component of gender but not always. Even if it is female/male, that, too, is an error. For example, many believe that there are as many as six different human genders.

This means that nothing is binary when you’re talking about either sex or gender. What this boils down to is that gender expression is a way of showing one's nature. It is a powerful tool in exploring their sexuality.

Which gets us into BDSM scenes. There are some truly fascinating ways that gender can be added to kinky play, thus giving your kinky pleasures a rainbow of possibilities.

Gender Play as an Expression of Personal Power

For a lot of people, emotional or sexual power—consensual control during power exchange—lies at the core of BDSM. Putting aside the physical side of things for a moment, the taking and giving of power can often be expressed by adapting an alternative persona: the cold and gloriously cruel Master or Mistress, the shy and apparently fragile submissive…you get the gist.

More than likely you know where this is going. What can add to these BDSM personas is that using gender as a component can amplification what is already present or play into previously untapped selves.

Let’s say you want to up your domination game in the play space, but you find it difficult to wrap your mind around how to make this happen. Creating a dominant personality can be a challenge. For some, it may feel impossible.

So instead of making something from nothing, why not use your own gender expression cranked up to max?

For example: if you feel comfortable as male-identified, collect styles and affectations that you consider ultra-masculine; this could be anything from using an accent to the clothes you wear.

Think of it as motivational acting. Get into the head of your new male self. What’s their name? What’s their voice like? What do they like to eat and drink? What do they wear? And what kind of dominant are they?

Some things might might be uncomfortable. Other things could lead to discovering a new side to your BDSM play.

If being female is more to your liking, you can follow that path as well. Try picking up and trying on all kinds of styles and forms to discover what may or may not work for your personal kinks.

A great way to do research different gender archetypes is to use media. Take some time to dissect and examine your favorite characters, adding parts of them to your own kink persona.

Drifting back to males, how about a bit of Hannibal Lecter (though not too much), a touch of Bogart, a smidgen of Picard, and a pinch of Bond? Then mix well and serve (shaken, not stirred) and see what you become.

Gender as an Expression of Vulnerability

One side, of course, can’t exist without the other. So just as you can amplify strengths, you can also ramp up submissiveness. Just like with domination, the trick is to try out various forms to see what feels good, right, and most of all arousing.

The thing, though, with submissives is you do need to be careful about this new persona you create; not in the act of creation, but being able to emotionally pull yourself out of it.

Because of this, it’s highly recommended to work with your dominant when you go on this gender play voyage to set up some clear and safe guidelines for aftercare and recovery.