Polyamory Was the 4th Most Search Relationship Term on Google in 2017 - Here's Why

Let’s face it: Marriage and monogamy is not for everyone. In 2017, the idea of a relationship model beyond mating for life sparked the interest of Google users. The topic of polyamory - or the practice of having concurrent sexual and/or romantic partners with the knowledge and consent of everyone - was the search engine’s fourth most-searched topic in the Relationships category, reports CNN Money. (In case you’re wondering, the top three topics were how to make long distance relationships work, how to change relationship status on Facebook and how to build trust in a relationship, respectively.)

Jessi Leader, a couples' and family therapist in Minneapolis, says that conversations with her clients corroborate this stat. “The expectation to be your partner’s one-stop shop for everything related to their needs, wants and desires is not only unrealistic, but suffocating as well,” she says.

Yet monogamy is the default relationship model, and alternatives are rarely considered. Even so, roughly 5% of Americans, myself included, live a non-monogamous lifestyle. The style I practice is polyamory (often abbreviated as “poly”). It stands apart from many monogamous relationships in that it involves carefully negotiated rules and boundaries and steers clear of romantic, emotional and sexual exclusivity. Think more framework and communication and less of a free-for-all fuck fest.

The mere fact that folks are curious enough to consider something beyond the spoon-fed fairy tales of “happily ever after”makes my multi-loving heart happy. But why the sudden surge in public interest?

Why Interest in Polyamory Is Rising

“We’ve lived in a society trying to deal with the question of open vs. closed relationships since at least the 1960s – there’s nothing unusual about this uptick in poly awareness except perhaps the name (which is close to 30 years old) and the fact that each new generation grapples with these questions anew,” says Carol Queen, PhD and Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist. Queen notes an emergent “critical mass” – including supportive therapists, conferences and mainstream media mentions. “All of this matters enormously for a formerly mainstream-unacceptable way of life,” she says.

Sex educator Kenna Cook attributes the public's interest in polyamory to two factors – pop culture and vocabulary visibility. "This year, we had a huge film come out that connected polyamory, BDSM and comic books – 'Professor Marston and the Wonder Women,'" she says. “Unlike films that have alluded to polyamory before, this film showed three consenting adults engaging in ethical non-monogamy. It wasn't about cheating lovers, fetishizing bisexuality for the male gaze, or kink shaming. This film had a lot of people asking about how polyamory worked in the 1950s and if they could explore the same relationship orientation today.”

Christopher McKenzie, adjunct film instructor at Boston University, adds that other stories, including “Easy” and especially “Unicornland” are stepping in a new direction where we have established poly couples with narrative difficulties and dramatic needs that don’t directly stem from their lifestyle choice, but from the same aspects of human nature that bedevil their monogamous counterparts. “But none of these next-level stories has caught fire in the popular zeitgeist,” he says. “Until they do, we will be in the giggle-giggle-look-at-the-poly-people-having-all-the-sex phase of this very welcome wave.”

2017 - The Year of Vocabulary Visibility

Next, 2017 was also the year of vocabulary visibility. “More people came out as bisexual, pansexual, agender, gender non-binary, panromantic, and many other descriptors that we hadn't heard of or used in years prior,” says Cook. “Many of the people who claim one of these newer orientations often identify with multiple categories – a common one being polyamory or non-monogamy.” The more people who talk about polyamory online, in articles and in pop culture, the more common it is for that word to wind up in a Google search.

Page Turner, author of "Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory," agrees that technology plays a role. “It's become easier than ever to connect with people on the other side of the world and to find multiple people who have a lot in common with us,” she says.