Sex education

Sex Stories We Love: Pleasure as Purpose, Diet Desire & Fantasy Fascination

Published: AUGUST 1, 2018 | Updated: FEBRUARY 14, 2022
Sex connects to every aspect of our lives: food, sleep, and even...using a canoe!

Sex is rarely something that just happens. We don't move from sexual moment to sexual moment without there being some other intersection with the rest of our hours. This week's Sex Stories We Love looks at the different ways sex connects with our lives and the choices we make.


Pleasure as Purpose

Do you ever sit and think about what sex brings to your life? Is it pure pleasure or emotional connection? Some of both? Is it in the moment or does sex affect you beyond that time of fun? A recent survey suggests that sex does give us more than a good time ... but the type of sex that benefits us most did surprise researchers. It seems that sex can help improve our moods and give us a better sense of purpose. Makes sense. We attach a lot of positive baggage to the idea of "I just had sex so I am awesome!" Could be some hormonal influence there, too. Yet, while the idea of having sex is a signal of success, the type of sex that makes us feel best now up for debate. This research shows that pleasurable sex is prized over emotional sex. We've long been taught that the best sex comes with someone with whom we are connected. Fortunately, these results give credence to the possibility that you can feel great even if you've only connected to someone for 15 minutes.

Not for Everyone

At the same time, let's not put too much emphasis on this idea that sex makes people happy and fulfilled and that it is the most important thing in the world. For some folks, this is just not the case and they're totally happy with that. There are many reasons people do not have sex, regardless of whether they're in a relationship, and that doesn't make them any less happy or fulfilled. Sometimes those reasons might be innate and personal, such as being asexual. Sometimes, the reasons might be physical, such as illness or injury. Sometimes life factors get in the way, such as having children or caring for elderly loved ones. Sometimes there are no other reasons than just personal choice. Any or all of these are valid and make perfect sense. While we celebrate sex here, we also celebrate everyone's choice, whether that's to have sex or to not have it at all.

Teens Not DTF?

There comes a point, often during our teenage years, when we decide whether to start having sex. This is generally cause for much consternation among the adults who see the end of the world whenever two teenagers have sex. Yet, recent trends may put at least some of that fear to bed. Recent data from the UK suggests teens are having less sex than in previous years. Factors such as increased time spent online, spending time with family, and the importance of studying are cited. The lead of the survey also wonders if the decrease in teen pregnancies could be an indicator; although increased sex ed and the availability of safer sex products could contribute to this. It will be interesting to follow this potential trend in the coming years.


Diet Desire

There are many benefits to adopting a vegan diet, or at least making more vegan choices part of your regular routine. As it turns out, being vegan can even improve your sex life. Yet, it isn't as easy as just not eating meat and thinking your sex game will improve. In current society, being vegan isn't that easy. You have to do your own research and make good choices. There are easy choices that can help, such as more access to fruits and vegetables. Yet, choosing the right foods and finding balance is key. If you don't do that, you really won't see much increased benefit to your sexytimes. If any vegan folks have great tips, please do share!

Fantasy Fascination

Do you ever wonder if your sexual fantasies indicate anything specific about you? Can they? Or do our personal desires exist in a different level of our consciousness? One book I have on my summer reading list is Dr. Justin Lehmiller's "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life." It is the result of a large and significant survey Dr. Lehmiller conducted to learn more about what people fantasize about. The results I've seen so far are fascinating and surprising. Who do you think dreams about BDSM more? What activities particularly excite extroverts? Who are we most likely to fantasize about? Lots of intriguing reading to look forward to!

Rockin' the Boat?

Finally, if you've ever wondered about how to have sex in a canoe (a previously Canadian national secret!), well, here's how you can do that.

Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. In 2015, Jon edited Cleis Press' Best Sex Writing of the...

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