Take the time to explore your entire body, either with your hands or with a sex toy. How does it feel to tickle your fingertips along the side of your neck? Or use an air pulse vibrator on your nipples? Or to caress the inside of your thigh?
Everyone responds to stimulation of their erogenous zones in different ways. Some people may love when their breasts are squeezed firmly, while others may prefer a delicate tickle across their nipples. When practicing on your own, play around with different motions and pressure. Try to focus on how each movement feels and what styles feel best to you.
Move to Your Genitals
Once you've explored the peaks and valleys of the rest of your body, if you want to, move on to exploring your genitals. Again, take it slow here; try to avoid to jump into your usual routine or to go straight for the orgasm. Orgasms are great, but they're not necessary to experience sexual satisfaction. They're more like the cherry on top of the already delicious sundae.
For vulva owners, experiment with stimulating your entire vulva, not just the clitoris. Try stroking your inner and outer labia or slowing running a vibrator, like the LELO SILA, along them. Do you prefer a light touch or a heavy touch? Does squeezing or gently pulling on your labia feel good?
When you move on to your glans clitoris, play around with different strokes, speeds and pressures. Small circles around your clitoris maybe what feels fantastic to you, or it could be up and down strokes or even firm pressure. It could even be all three!
Does it feel better if you focus right on the centre of your glans clitoris or on the edges around it? Does pulling back your clitoral hood slightly increase the sensation or does it make your clitoris too sensitive?
For penis-havers, experiment with different stroking styles and speeds. Does it feel better with a straight up and down stroke or while you rotate your hand back and forth? How does it feel if you stimulate your scrotum at the same time? You might even try mixing it up and masturbating with your non-dominant hand!
This is the perfect time to continue exploring with sex toys. Most sex toys come with many different vibrational patterns and strengths. Experiment with all of them! You may discover that a pulsating pattern is what really gets you going or that a steady, deep rumble works best for you. Give your body the chance to speak to you and let it tell you what it wants.
Take This Knowledge and Practice Into Partnered Sex
The best part about this self-discovery practice is that you can take this new found knowledge into partnered sex. Not only will knowing what you like help you be able to better communicate your wants to your partner, this mindfulness practice will also help you learn to focus on pleasure.
Take the same mindful motions into foreplay and sex with your partner. Experiment with their erogenous zones and talk with them about what feels good and what they want. Don't be afraid to bring your sex toys into partnered sex as well! Sex toys open up all kinds of new pathways for you and your partners to play with!
The key to better sex is communication! We aren't mind readers, and since every person is different, what works for one partner won't always work for a different partner.