Isn’t Swinging Just Cheating?

Published: MAY 14, 2015
Swinging isn't cheating. The key to swinging, much like the key to any relationship, is to have open and honest communication and boundaries in place that both partners agree to and abide by.

Some say money is the root of all evil; I say it’s infidelity. Cheating on your significant other is the worst thing you can do to them in my book. It’s dishonest, sneaky, disloyal, and just plain selfish.


If you are a frequent reader of my writing, you may be asking right now, "Wait a second, don’t you swing?"

Yes, I am in the swinging lifestyle, and happy to be a swinger. However, swinging and cheating are not synonymous. Let’s take a look at swinging versus cheating, shall we?

Read: I'm a Married Woman. Here's Why I Highly Recommend Ashley Madison.


How Do You Define Cheating?

Every person has their own definition of what cheating means to them. Some say any physical contact, including kissing, with someone other than your significant other is cheating. Someone else might feel that sexting, texting, and becoming emotionally attached to someone other than their partner are all forms of cheating. There is no right or wrong answer here, folks. The key is for you and your partner to come to a clear understanding of what cheating means for you as individuals and also as a couple.

Personally, my definition of cheating is anything, physical or emotional, done behind your partner’s back without their consent or knowledge. Point blank, if you have to sneak, delete texts, and hide your actions, then you’re cheating!

So, What Is Swinging Anyway?

The simplest definition I can give to define swinging is that it's a lifestyle where couples openly, and with their partner’s consent, engage in sexual activities with someone other than their partner. Swinging is a recreational activity that partners engage in together and not behind one another’s backs.


Every swinging couple has their own set of rules and boundaries that is unique to their relationship. Some are in the lifestyle just to watch others have sex (free live porn!). Others may enjoy being watched as they get it on with their significant other. Then, there are couples who engage in "soft swap" play where everything except sexual intercourse with someone outside of the relationship is OK (i.e. kissing, touching, oral pleasure). Still, there is a whole different category of couples who are referred to as "full swap," meaning that they are free to have sex with people other than their mate. Even then there are rules among couples such as only in the same room as their partner or never in the same room as their partner.

The kinky possibilities are endless!

Swinging Versus Cheating: Who’s Happier?

According to a 2012 study in Psychology Today, swingers are mentally healthier than their monogamous peers. The study found that swingers have less fear about their relationship and also tend to cheat less than monogamous couples. Swinging couples also tend to be less judgmental of other’s sexual and lifestyle choices. I would never judge someone for have a monogamous sexual relationship simply because it’s not for me and I prefer to swing.


It’s a myth that swingers have a "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. On the contrary, we love our partners deeply, have open and honest communication, and share a deep emotional bond with our partners. We’re not looking for the next good thing or to replace our partners. It’s simply about satisfying our sexual desires.

Swinging Isn’t 'Just Cheating’

Still think swinging is just cheating? Well, you’re entitled to your opinion. People in the lifestyle tend to feel that if it’s done together then it’s not cheating.

There will always be those people who cheat regardless of their relationship orientation or lifestyle choice. But swinging isn’t going to make anyone a cheater any more than taking one drink makes someone an alcoholic. If someone is going to cheat, then they're going to do it whether they are in a monogamous relationship or an open one. That’s just reality.


Swinging won’t save your relationship, but it can help you spice things up. Both parties have to be on board and must come up with rules and boundaries as a couple that both partners are comfortable with. This will minimize the risk of someone ending up with hurt feelings or one partner becoming uncomfortable.

Once you have your rules in place, it’s important for both partners to adhere to the rules. If you are feeling comfortable and think you might want to break some of your rules, then that requires a conversation. Never just act on your impulses in the heat of the moment; doing so means you run the risk of severely damaging the relationship you have with your partner.

Swingers see sex with people outside of their relationship as a recreational activity. The sex they have with their partner is more about the bond they share and the emotions they have for each other. Couples in the lifestyle are able to make that distinction. That helps to keep it fun and exciting. We all have sexual fantasies. So, why not explore them in a safe environment and with the person that shares your life? Isn’t that better for the relationship than a) never having those fantasies fulfilled; b) seeking fulfillment elsewhere (i.e. cheating); or c) never communicating your desires to your partner?


Lack of open and honest communication is the number one killer of most marriages and relationships. Rather than hide your kinky desires from your partner, or try to dismiss those wild fantasies you have, why not let that inner freak out and play with your partner? You might like it and you also may learn something new about each other in the process!

Boston Single Girl

I’m just a single girl in Boston; working, living, dating and writing about it all! The stories are real, but the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

I started this blog in April of 2011 at the suggestion of friends who, after...

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