So, okay, I’m a bit of a chatterbox. Oversharing and TMI are pretty much my default mode. As a writer, it’s great. As a person beside you on the bus...maybe not so great.
The continual verbal stream-of-consciousness that caused my elementary school teachers to move my desk out of the classroom on a quasi-regular basis, somewhat surprisingly, has not carried over to the bedroom.
Sure, I’m not above a well-timed “Oh yes baby!” or the occasional, affirming “Oh God wow!” but for someone as talkative as me, you might expect more.
And when it comes to dirty talk...well, I’ll write it for the whole internet to read, but say it to an actual person’s actual face? Umm. No thank you.
The idea of dedicating myself to the challenge of talking dirty seemed like a fun way to try something new. I mean my texts already get pretty filthy, it’s not like I don’t know the words. It’s just a matter of (gulp) saying them.
Read: 3 Tips for Being Brave in the Bedroom
So I gave it a go. And nobody died. And actually, it was pretty dang good. So if you are debating bringing dirty talk into your boudoir, I say do it. Here are some of the happy results you may find:
A distinct advantage of no longer being 19 years old is that sex now lasts a duration I find satisfying on the regular. I know sometimes quickies are all that you have time for, and truly, it’s better than nothing. But there is something decadent about drawing it out over a day or throughout the evening.
Send a dirty voice message (psst, the Satisfyer Connect app helps you keep such things private) and get your partner raring before they come over. Starting with a seductive “I can’t wait to take you upstairs later” whispered across the dinner table means the aural foreplay can begin hours before the main event.
I may talk a lot, but feeling vulnerable is not my preferred state. I’d say that’s a big part of why I find in-person dirty talk so daunting. But sharing fantasies with your partner opens the door for emotional connection in a new way. You might find yourself saying things that you’ve not said to anyone before.
You need to be confident in the level of intimacy you have established in your relationship to reveal to your partner the things you want to do, or sensations you would like to feel. Being in a safe place emotionally also makes it easier to push your boundaries. If you aren’t inhibited by the thought your partner will judge you harshly, you are more likely to let them in, and vice versa--the more you open up, the more confident you are likely to feel.
Read: The Art of Using Your WordsThere is nothing wrong with relying on the old standbys. There are words or phrases you will likely draw on again and again; words that feel comfortable to you. Swears might turn you off, or proper names might feel too clinical. I mean if you want to say “Smack my vulva!” more power to you. I would reckon the majority of people might say “pussy” in that instance, but do you. “Throbbing manhood” is good for romance novels, but might not work in your boudoir. Or it really might do the trick. Part of the fun is finding out. Having someone you can laugh with definitely helps.
I would encourage you to suss out with your partner any words that are a red light/no-go for them. For instance, I can hear a certain c-word that rhymes with hunt (a word that I know is not everyone’s cup of tea) all day long with no problem. But if I were to hear “slut” or “whore” my c-word would dry out and close up shop.In the past, I may have been accused of expecting my partner to be a mind-reader. While that is wildly unfair of him to say, I do recognize the importance of elucidating my needs. Like, outloud. The benefit to that, is that I actually get the things I want or need. “Mmmm baby, when you touch me like that it makes my toes curl,” is an excellent way to let your partner know they should keep that move in the playbook.
If you have a favorite sex toy, you could describe to your partner what sensations you are feeling where and then direct them how to use it on you. If you are using one of Satisfyer’s app-connected toys it is easy to hand over the control. Maybe you have Dominant tendencies and the thing you want is to have your partner do your bidding. You can use your words to instruct them to use the toy on themselves in a specific way while you use the app, you can even set it so the toy responds to the sound of your voice.
Read: How to Have a Conversation About Kink With Your Partner
When you praise your partner for a job well done, they are going to feel good. When you describe how their body makes you feel or how their talented moves drive you wild, they are going to like it!
By putting my mind to the dirty talking task at hand, I've been able to add a bit of zest to what was already a fairly spicy situation. My go-to is always going to be writing, which is accommodated well by the Satisfyer Connect app, but a little face to face is fun too. Dirty talking, (verbal and written) has encouraged creativity, helped me get what I want, please who I want to please and make my encounters last. Putting myself out of my comfort zone a bit has helped get me in the pleasure zone, and trust me, it is nice here!
PRESENTED BY
Aurora loves good sex and writing about what it takes to do it. She writes travel and lifestyle for a variety of publications under a different name, with a decidedly more PG bent.
