How to pleasure

How to Use Your Orgasm to Manifest Your Dream Life

Published: DECEMBER 31, 2018 | Updated: MAY 6, 2022
Whether you believe in magic or not, there's no denying the power of orgasmic endorphins.

Sex is pretty enjoyable in and of itself, but what if you could use your orgasm as a magic spell to create the life of your dreams? Many ancient spiritual traditions, including shamanism, Taoism, and Tantra, have a tradition of sex magic, or using sexual energy or orgasm for magical purposes. The idea is that at the moment of orgasm, (or peak sexual energy), anything is possible. In that moment of heightened pleasure, we can use the energetic release to turn our dreams into a reality.


Sounds pretty amazing, right? We're all for orgasm, so we decided to dig into this practice to see what's behind it. Worst-case scenario? You enjoy an orgasm. If it leads you in a new direction in your life, all the better!

"Sex Magic" Has Some Scientific Support

It might sound pretty far out but there may even be some science behind the "magic" of a orgasm. Research from Nick Drydakis at the Institute of Labor Research in Germany found that people who had sex at least four times a week made more money than those who didn’t. Drydakis explained his findings based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; when we have our more basic needs met for food, shelter and human connection, we are better able to achieve success in life.

Practitioners of sex magic believe that the feel-good energy of sex can be harnessed in a more conscious, intentional way and directed toward what you want. It’s important to note you don’t necessarily need a partner to practice it.


You may be familiar with the blockbuster film "The Secret," in which experts share how we can cultivate our desire and achieve our goals when we set an intention. According to Baba Dez Nichols and Kamala Devi, the authors of "Sexual Healing: The Shaman Method of Sex Magic," what these teachers don't speak to is how sexual desire works like "rocket fuel, launching us toward the reality of our wildest dreams." They describe this as "the secret beyond the secret: sex magic.’"

Bringing a Little Magic Into Your Sex Life

Some forms of sex magic can involve complex rituals using talismans and numerology, but the basic principles are actually pretty simple. Here’s how to get started.

Decide What You Want

First, decide what you would like to manifest using sex magic. You might want to journal for 10-15 minutes to brainstorm ideas. Perhaps imagine your ideal future self and how you’d like your life to be. Pick one thing to focus on for your practice. Perhaps you want to land a new job or improve your health. One thing to keep in mind is that your magic will work only if it doesn’t interfere with the free will of another person. You can’t (and shouldn't) use spells to bewitch a potential lover, unless they are on board with it too!


You can write your chosen desire down on a piece of paper or create a vision board with pictures.

Kindle the Magic

Before preparing for your sex magic ritual, decide if you want to practice solo or with a partner. Victoria Crossman, a quantum witch, psychic and the creator of an online sex magic workshop, puts solo sex magic in the category of self care.

"’I love making it a ritual: putting on my favorite music, rubbing myself down with lotion, and connecting with my body and pleasure. It’s an amazing way to connect with myself emotionally, physically and spiritually," Crossman said.


You might want to try it alone, at least at first while you’re still learning, so that you can be completely focused on yourself and your intention rather than the other person. However, Donald Michael Kraig, author of "Modern Sex Magick: Secrets Of Erotic Spirituality," says that magic is even more potent when practiced by two or more individuals. If you do practice sex magic with another person just make sure you inform them. Crossman says ‘’I believe using energy work during sex and not disclosing it to your partner is a form of non-consent.’’

Get Prepared

Nichols and Devi believe that ‘’the more you plan for a ritual, the more powerful it becomes.’’ So put a date in your calendar and get everything ready. Clean your room. Bathe beforehand, and wear your favorite scents or jewelry. You might also choose to make an alter with sacred objects like tarot cards, incense or feathers. Place the piece of paper or vision board with your desire on it nearby.

One of your tasks is to keep in mind your intention at the point of orgasm. Having a tidy, distraction free space that reminds you of your ritual is helpful.


Stay Focused

Crossman loves wearing an eye mask and headphones with Tantric music on so she can fully focus on manifesting. Slow, conscious breathing can also help you avoid getting swept away in the moment of pleasure so that you remember your intention.

"Before beginning place your right hand on the belly below the naval. Exhale all the air, emptying yourself out. Now take a deep breath into the nose, down the throat into the belly, and expand your belly like a balloon," says Tantra teacher and founder of Tantra Nova. "Next exhale slowly, at your own pace. Visualize sending the breath back up and out, and notice your belly flattening. Continue breathing in this pattern; witness the rise of the belly on the inhalation and the fall of the belly on the exhalation."

Try to keep breathing consciously as you begin to touch yourself or your partner.


Crossman recommends simply ‘’experimenting with your body, and what feels magical. See what raises your sexual energy, increases arousal and gives heightened sensation.’’ She believes that using a Tantric approach that is ‘’not about the destination, but the journey of sexual energy" is important.

Visualize Sexual Energy

As you breathe consciously, Meuth suggests that you might want to visualize sexual energy travelling up through the chakras to the third eye. Here, your energy can merge with your desire, and you can visualize what you are trying to manifest at the moment of orgasm.

"Some physical and mental issues may make orgasm extremely difficult or impossible. Not all people orgasm, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no shame. You can still harness the higher vibrations and use that for your sex magic rather than trying to reach orgasm," Crossman said.

At your moment of peak pleasure, or orgasm, remember your intention. Take the feel-good sensations and transfer them to a picture in your mind’s eye of your desire being fulfilled. The ecstatic feeling of orgasm becomes the ecstatic feeling of fulfilling your dream. Relax and remember to breathe consciously. You might want to experiment with edging to let the feeling build up and be as powerful as possible.

Take Action

You may have heard the old adage, ‘’You can pray for the winning Lotto numbers, but at some point, you’ve got to buy the ticket.’’ When the ritual is over and all those feel-good hormones are pulsating through you, take the first step toward your goal. Make a phone call, build a website, or do whatever you need to do to follow your dreams. Because whether you believe in magic or not, there’s no denying the power behind those post-orgasm endorphins. How you use that power in your life is up to you.

Kate Orson

Kate Orson is a freelance writer, and author of Tears Heal: How to listen to our children. She writes, about self-help, parenting, and more recently, sex! She is currently working on a memoir; A Cut in The Brain, about her experience of having the LEEP procedure, and her recovery from side effects that doctors didn't warn her about.

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