We’d like to apologize. We’ve been remiss. While we have lots of content on how to buy and use all kinds of different sex toys, we’ve never written a piece on how to use a dildo.
It seems simple, right? But then again, what should you actually do with a dildo when it comes right down to it? How do you use a dildo? As it turns out, rather a lot of you have been wondering just that. So, here is a comprehensive look at how to use a dildo.
We’re sorry. And you’re welcome. (And if you need a place to shop for your first - or 20th - dildo, check out Indigo Honey.)
If you’re here, we’re going to assume you’re new to dildos. So here’s a good beginner’s tip: start small.
“Our eyes are often bigger than our holes,” sex educator Rain DeGrey told us. “All too often, people pick something that looks impressive and glorious in the store, only to find that it is too big to be comfortable when they get home.”
Be OK with selecting something on the smaller side for your first foray. (You can use the number of fingers you can comfortably insert as a sizing guide.)
This set of two dildos is affordable, body-safe and offers two different size options. Get it here.
Next up, how you use a dildo is all about the kind of stimulation you want. There are all kinds of juicy, sensitive areas in and around the vagina (and anus). Some of them may get you off, while others leave you cold. If you aren’t sure of what you’re into yet, this can be difficult, but here’s a simple primer of dildo shapes, types and materials.
Basic Dildo
This is a good option for beginners because it will give you a taste of all your options without forcing any extreme sensations on you.
This soft, flexible (glittery!!) dildo has a manageable girth and a straight shaft. Get it here.
G-Spot Dildo
You’ll recognize this one by its curve, its large, bulbous end, or both. Essentially, G-spot dildos are designed to hit the G-spot, the spongy bit of tissue on the front wall of the vagina. That said, many of them are great for prostate play as well, so feel free to go off-label if that’s what you’re looking for! G-spot play often involves thrusting or rocking motions to stimulate the G-spot.
This Pride-themed G-spotter provides a visual thrill - and serious G-spotting power. Get it here.
Textured Dildo
Textured dildos are designed to provide extra stimulation at the sensitive vaginal opening. They also provide a sense of vibration as you move them in and out, and the texture bumps up against that vaginal opening. In other words, they offer more and different sensation. People who are into textured dildos often like the feeling of moving them in and out of the body, making thrusting (whether fast or deliciously slow) a key part of play.
This suction-cup dildo has significant ridges for serious sensation. Get it here.
Realistic Dildo
These dildos are often great for G-spotting and may also have texture, but their realistic shape and styling also provides a little fantasy play.
The realistic shape and softness of this dildo is made even more glorious in hot pink. Get it here.
Suction Cup Dildo
This type of dildo comes in all different shapes and styles, but the fact that you can stick it to any smooth surface definitely mixes up the ways you can play with it. If you’re the one who tends to like to do the thrusting, it might be the right pick for you.
This silicone dildo sports an exceptionally strong suction base. Get it here.
Strap-On Compatible Dildo
If you think you’d like to try strap-on sex, a strap-on compatible dildo is the way to go. This type of dildo typically has a large, round base, which holds it into the O-ring of a strap-on harness. These dildos work just fine without a harness too, though, which makes them very versatile.
Most of the dildos displayed in this piece are strap-on compatible, but we think this one would look great with a black or red harness. Get it here.
Double Dildo
A double dildo is two sided, and typically offers a different shape or texture on each side. These are great for people who like options – it’s like two dildos in one.
This lightweight glass double dildo has two usable ends for double the fun. Get it here.
Silicone
Silicone is probably the most common dildo material you’ll see nowadays. It’s also the most versatile. It can be very firm or it can have some “squish” to it. Either way, it’s always body-safe, durable and easy to clean.
Glass
Glass dildos are durable, body-safe and easy to clean, but the firm material can make them more intense in terms of sensation. One additional benefit with a glass dildo is that they can be used for temperature play. Pop them in the fridge or warm them up in hot water before using for a unique experience.
Wood
Specially treated wood is a less common dildo material, but you will see it from time to time. Wood dildos are often beautiful (and tend to be hand-made!) and they are easily cleaned and body safe thanks to a special coating (don’t worry – no splinters!)
Metal
Metal dildos are heavy, virtually indestructible and designed to deliver a pretty intense experience. They aren’t for everyone, but some people love the weight and power they provide! They are also body safe and great for temperature play.
While we do our best to point people in the right direction in terms of finding the right kind of dildo for them, know this: dildo lovers tend to accumulate a collection. Not only are a lot of the latest dildos amaaazing sex toys, many of them also come in beautiful shapes and colors that people get off on having as much as using.
If you’re into vigorous thrusting, using a dildo on yourself can be hard work (in the best way, of course!) That said, that kind of movement can be difficult for some people depending on their physical abilities, the size and shape of their bodies, and any issues they may have with pain in their arms, wrists or shoulders.
When it comes to dildos, reach may be limited to by body size, arm length, or a combination, making thrusting a dildo very awkward – or impossible. In this case, a longer dildo can help. Many people find that a dildo with a C-curve can also be useful here.
Those with arm or wrist issues may want to look for a curved or “ergonomic” shape for easier thrusting. The weight of the toy may also be important here, so stay away from heavier materials and watch the weights on the sex toy specifications.
Sex toy reviews are a great way to get a sense of how a toy works in action, especially if you can find one by someone with a similar body shape to your own.
Any kind of penetrative sex (whether vaginal or anal) is better, hotter and safer if you warm up first. Being aroused helps relax your body and make penetration much more pleasant (or even possible). If you’re with a partner, try some kissing or other foreplay. If not, tease yourself with your hands, a vibrator or other sex toy to get things started. As we get aroused, the vagina opens up, relaxes and begins to lubricate itself. The anus also becomes more relaxed with arousal too (be sure to use lube!).
As you get more experienced, your body will tell you when you’re ready for penetration. You’ll feel like you want it!
Sex toys are all about experimentation. And, because dildos are one of the most versatile toys out there, they are a great tool for experimentation! So, don’t assume they’re all about thrusting. Try different depths, speeds and angles. Try twisting or rocking your dildo or wiggling back and forth inside of you. Consider your play a place to learn more about your body and what makes it feel amazing! (Oh, and we also have some tried-and-true tricks to try at the bottom of this post!)
Lube makes any kind of penetration better, so do lube up that dildo before you get down to business. If you're using a silicone toy, you may need even more lube; if you’re using a glass or metal toy, you may need a bit less. Either way, having enough glide will ensure your tissues (and you) don’t get irritated. Just be sure to choose a body-safe, quality lube that you love, OK?
Dildos, just like any other sex toy, can be great for solo or partner play. You can fuck yourself silly, or hand the job over to your partner (we hope they’ll oblige!) You or your partner can also strap on a dildo for some strap-on or pegging play. But, while many dildos resemble the male anatomy, just remember to keep them in perspective. They’re toys, mere pieces of plastic or silicone designed for fun, not a threat or a replacement for a partner.
“Dildos are an addition to the bedroom, not a threat to men. View them as a friendly helper, not a slur to your manhood,” DeGrey said.
Sex toys are all about fantasy play, so if you use a dildo, we definitely encourage getting right into it! Pretend it’s attached to a fantasy fuck, pretend it’s an extension of your body – pretend whatever you want, but take time to imagine and embody that play.
“You know how at first, when you put a backpack on, you knock into everything because you aren't sure where the backpack is in space, but then after a while, you can feel how far behind you it goes, and you can navigate comfortably? That's what it's like with a dildo. The more you wear it — and *feel* it — the more you'll embody it,” says Sinclair Sexsmith, an erotica author and sex educator. “And embodying it makes a big difference when you're playing with it with someone else.”
Even if you have a straight, simple dildo, you can still play with angles. Try thrusting down (towards the back of your body if you're lying on your back). This rocks the base of the dildo near your clitoris, which can provide earth-shattering stimulation for some people.
The opposite way to thrust is upward, with the tip of the dildo pointed at the front side of your body if you're lying on your back. This way, you'll be thrusting against the G-spot, a super-sensitive area that many people find very orgasmic. If you're not into intense stimulation here, a gentle rocking motion with a curved dildo can feel amazing as well.
As we mentioned, the vaginal opening has tons of sensitive nerve endings. Twisting a dildo around can help stimulate that area, especially if the dildo you're using has some texture.
If you're into anal play, inserting an anal plug (or another dildo!) anally can really up the pleasure of using a dildo vaginally. Essentially, the insertion of an anal toy puts internal pressure on the vaginal canal, making it tighter and more sensitive to whatever motions you're making with that dildo.
These are just a few tips to set you on your dildo journey. But ... everyone is different. So find a dildo - and technique - that works for you through research, experimentation and play. Enjoy!
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Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.
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